I don’t have teenagers yet, but I’m going to be the dad of two in the next few years, I’m scared. Please help!
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Yesterday I wrote about how scary babies are. I stand by that, but the more I got to thinking about it the more I realized it’s not the babies we should be scared of, or maybe it’s both (now I’m really going to have to do some thinking…).
I remember the days when I was a teenager and I think about my relationship with my father. We always had a bit of a reversed relationship, many times I was consoling him. It’s hard for me to imagine what it would be like to raise a teenager because I sort of raised a father.
My story makes the thought of raising teenage boys even scarier because I know that they will be smart and witty like their mom, but they will also be adventurous like their mom, are you seeing the trend here?
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My oldest son just turned seven. Arguing with him is mind numbing at times because he hasn’t quite figured out how to use logic and common sense because he’s still learning common sense.
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It’s around the time kids turn 12 or 13 that they really begin to use logic and reason pretty well. This is the point where you stop being able to trick them into doing things they need to do. Don’t judge me, you know you do it too! They are learning a lightening speed and learning how to use what they’ve learned and apply it to their surroundings. It’s going to be an exciting time, but it’s also going to be a trying time as a parent. I remember watching that show, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?, and besides the corny Jeff Foxworthy jokes it was quite the testament to what you can forget in a matter of 15 or 20 years. Just thinking about what scale that will be like when they can configure a rational argument makes my head spin.
My oldest son just turned seven. Arguing with him is mind numbing at times because he hasn’t quite figured out how to use logic and common sense because he’s still learning common sense. And he’s young enough that in desperate moments, the “I’m your father”, trick still works. When their teenagers it’s going to be less effective. Or maybe still effective but with more potential for family fallout.
This is what life is about, though, right? Raising kids to be the best they possibly can and getting our asses kicked whilst doing it! It’s quite an amazing ride but the hard part is realizing it while it’s happening. The hard part is living in the moment instead of trying to look forward to the times when it will get better.
It will never get better than the moments of joy you have with your kids every day.
Not having moments of joy with your kids every day? Well, looks like you may have some soul searching to do.
I won’t’ lie to you and say that every moment of being a parent is an absolute joy. That’s not to say it couldn’t be, but I think we’re pre-dispositioned to go into a sort of protective mode when things get crazy around the house. Or especially when our children are sick.
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What I hope I can manage to do is spend as little time like this as possible while my kids are teenagers. Because as much as the thought of them being smarter than me, more determined to get around the rules, scares the hell out of me; I know that the challenges are what make you who you are. They are what make our kids who they are.
Teenagers are scary because they’re unpredictable. Because we don’t know what they’re thinking and they likely won’t tell you.
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You’ll come to realize that it’s not as much what you intentionally teach your kids that they’ll remember, it’s what you don’t intend to teach them. The lessons I learned from my father that stick out the most are the lessons I derived myself from his behavior. I remember the times he stopped an argument by not saying anything back. Or the times he picked me up from school and he was caked in mud because he’d work all day long in the elements.
Teenagers are scary because they’re unpredictable. Because we don’t know what they’re thinking and they likely won’t tell you because, well, you’re the one who makes the rules. But they will also teach you more about yourself than you could ever learn, at least, that’s what my dad told me.
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Photo credit: Flickr/www.CGPGrey.com
For what its worth. For me it was far more complex with my daughter then sons. The boys? You just had to keep them from killing themselves with the stupid things they do as adolescents (I was waxing my car one day when I jumped out of my skin as I heard a “thud” next to me. Was my son jumping from his second story bedroom window…just because he wondered if he could do it. Girls are far more complex, and far more a challenge, with issues ranging far and wide…and they are more cunning at that age then boys… Read more »
I would have to agree with you. I am watching as my 15-year-old sister is growing up and I can only imagine the things my father has to worry about these days. Thanks for the prayers!