Wilkine Brutus is a fatherless son. His coping method involves the relentless aspiration to be a good father someday. Wilkine believes that is healthy revenge.
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My Korean students–before entering main campus–continue to pull my dreadlocks.
I hear what sounds like maniacal laughter upstairs. I found 5th grade girls twisting their hair in the recreation room, laughing at the very attempt to lock their hair like mine. “We are Wilkine junior,” they proudly shouted. “Teacher, teacher…help me.”
Downstairs, I hear my boys (male students) rush upstairs to the sound of the bell. It’s time to simultaneously tap into my inner-child & father mode. I break up the make-shift salon beside the overused piano. We’re reviewing the present-continuous and playing games for the rest of the day. It’s my last lesson plan. Classed ended on a positive note, but my two-year contract also ended which rendered our collective vibe unsync.
And just like fatherless sons, finding closure through laughter—during times of disconnection—momentarily veil that inner struggle;
it’s the struggle to accept my inevitable departure from their school. I struck an epiphany at that very moment; I knew I’d be a good father someday because I couldn’t bare leaving children that weren’t even mine.
I moved to a bigger city, a bigger school with bigger boys. I’m still a foreign man in a foreign land playing the father/big brother role in a classroom of curious, interaction-seeking children. And in my many modes of contemplation, I thought back to the year I forgave my father.
I, too, sought physical interaction. Even on the day I decided to forgive him, I couldn’t do it over the phone. I made it my priority to drive several hours to Orlando, Florida and have a man to man discussion about his absence. What I got out of that experience, was the unwavering desire to be a father/big brother to any boy/girl that needed me, regardless of their class, ethnic or national background.
I sat at my desk. I reminisced about my old students in Jeju island and the young students I mentored at the Boys and Girls club.
I’ve calmed down a lot on the self-inflicted guilt trip for leaving, because I’m not their father. That’s the reality of it all.
Every damn father’s day, I’m reminded of being a fatherless son. My coping method involves the relentless aspiration to be a good father someday. It’s a healthy revenge. As with all Father’s Day, I spent my time thanking my mother and my big brothers. Fatherhood exist in many forms. And as much as I want to be a good father, I’ve also done everything in my power to be a good son and little brother to those who’ve cared for me.
This year, I’ve also decided to create a short Youtube series called, “Life Without Father.” Part 1 is a 5-min video elaborating more on the need for fatherhood and quick musings as fatherless son.
Check out the video below and answer two questions: are fathers currently dispensable and how did you cope as a fatherless son or daughter?
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