Whether single or coupled, or whatever your relationship path is, these tips will almost guarantee more satisfaction in your sex life.
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1. GROW UP
To be a master lover, first become a masterful man. Work on yourself and don’t indulge in petty excuses or complaints. Live your life with purpose. If you don’t know what it is, find it, then live it with gusto. Live with integrity. Be a clear communicator. Learn to be vulnerable.
2. BE ENTERTAINING
One of the biggest complaints I hear from partners is that men are boring. Conversations are boring, lives are boring, dates are boring, and sex is boring. One of the keys to becoming interesting is to become interested and passionate about what you do. Get fed up with your own boring life and do something extraordinary. Create a life where you have something interesting to talk about. Nurture your own adventurous spirit both inside and outside the bedroom. Take courses, read great books, travel, do something outrageous that you’ve never done before.
3. GROW SOME BALLS
Get over your need for approval and affirmation from your partner. There are some things as a man you must do for himself. Men are attractive when they are confident; insecurity is destructive to relationships. Be confident in your touch, your words, and your actions.
4. GET IN SHAPE
Take care of your body. Exercise and eat well. This will add years to your life and your love life. It is a fallacy that men can’t be fully sexually active throughout their lifetime. Do you want to have strong erections through your 60s, 70s, 80s, and, yes, your 90s? Forget the Viagra and get to the gym. Your fitness is the most important factor in maintaining your libido and erections.
5. LEARN
Explore how to read your body and your partner’s. Mastering sex is a path of learning to run and exchange energy. This can be learned from good and ethical teachers and coaches. Don’t bother trying to learn from porn movies. They have almost no value when it comes to being a great lover. Tantra and Taoist practices have been around for thousands of years and offer exceptional tools for mastering and harnessing sexual energy. There is help for low libido, erectile dysfunctions, premature or early ejaculation, and more.
6. PLAY
What is about men that takes sex so seriously? Lighten up! Laugh, tickle, play, and make sex and intimacy fun. There is no ceiling to how much joy the body can experience. We limit our pleasure from our own self-imposed beliefs.
7. BECOME EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT
There are more emotions to master other than horniness, anger, and hunger. When your partner asks how you feel, take a moment to find the answer. Discover your rich inner world of feelings and learn to speak of them with emotional intelligence. An open heart is the biggest aphrodisiac. Don’t be embarrassed to seek the help of a coach or therapist.
8. BE CURIOUS
Express authentic desire to know your partner. Be curious about her life without trying to change or fix her. Hold space for his fears, successes, struggles, and even his challenges or criticisms of you. Do this without getting defensive. Remember: listening is twice as important as talking.
9. PRESENCE
Your greatest offering to your partner is presence. Lose the distractions of TV, sports, porn, and other bleeders of energy and really show up at full attention. Presence is a muscle that will get stronger with practice.
10. APPRECIATION
Court your lover, no matter how long you’ve been together. Compliment your partner. Appreciate your life and live with gratitude. Cherish each moment.
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The truth about men is that we are more magnificent than we realize. For many of us, greatness lies dormant, waiting to be uncovered. Each of us holds wisdom, presence, authentic power, generosity, consciousness, passion, creativity, vulnerability, big love, and much, much more.
More from Sex Week at the Good Men Project:
There’s certainly a lot to learn about this subject. I love all the points you’ve made.
I’m a huge fan already. This is the advice I give to all my male friends and brothers when they struggle. Be Yourself. Do Good Work. Don’t be a victim of the machine. Be human. You are lovable. For women who LOVE MEN, this is good advice for the men WE LOVE. XXX000
Refreshing! hesitant to click onto this, almost expecting to find an archive of kama sutra. Advice just as applicable to us women too.
Extra Reading…
[…]we like to honor other sites on the web, even if they aren’t related to us, by linking to them. Below are some sites worth checking out[…]…
Dear Ed,
Your comments and suggestions are great, but PLEASE proofread. Your grammar, particularly in the pronoun department, is giving me a headache. That being said, you offer some wonderful advice.
Got it Mr.Anon…
I gave myself a headache when I sent in the unproofed copy to good man project. Thanks for your will thout owt respoze.
Some of us are not allowed to forget the Viagra. This is my usual Viagra public service announcement. I’m 66, in great shape (I can knock out 35 pushups and 90 crunches easily), and use Viagra. Ed, if you think exercise has much to do with how your autonomic nervous system functions, you’re mistaken. This site, for whatever reason, seems to have a weird and innacurate fixation on Viagra. It doesn’t change a thing about one’s lovemaking. It doesn’t make men forget foreplay. It doesn’t make men pin women to the bed all night while they try to escape. It… Read more »
40% of Viagra presciptions are for men who DON’T have ED. Ouch. As a woman, I’m like, is this turn-on authentic? Think twice, take the med once.
Ed,
Thanks for this. I saw the title and assumed i would read tips that we typically read in men’s magazines. Things that involve how to physically have sex better, positions etc. I decided to click through anyway, and give it a chance because this publications typically has different values. I am glad i did click through because i enjoyed and agreed with what I read.
Vulnerability is a big one and am only learning the importance of this is intimate relationships and otherwise.
Keep it up,
A lot of the advice here is good, but I feel like there isn’t really enough discussion of the nuances.
For instance, yes, most people know that confident guys are attractive, but I’ve known too many guys who don’t know the difference between “confident” and “presumptuous.”
Also, “being vulnerable” means owning up to having weaknesses or insecurities, “growing some balls” means letting go of any notion that a girlfriend OWES it to you to negate those insecurities or weaknesses. Really, it’s something that a lot of women need to do, too.
Well said Rii. Say more. Maybe that is why intimacy is the new mystery school. I’m quite content that intimacy is complex with lots of nuances. And, we are mostly presuming here that it is about heterosexual relating which is far from my intention. And…our ‘inner work’ as men is what it is about…whether that is called ‘game’ or not. It has value whether in relating with another; or if celebate. Our ‘inner work’ demands telling the truth which leads to breaking our old patterns of relating; which in itself requires vulnerability.
Damn…it’s complicated. Thanks for all your feedback.
To all, thanks for you dialogue here. Men and women have much to learn from each other and from out own gender. I’ve been encouraged lately by how younger men are showing up in the world, their wisdom and consciousness. AND…there is still a lack of strong masculine in the world. Women are hungry for it; and the world wants men who live with purpose and integrity. While there ‘appears’ to be a contradiction that ‘men grow some balls’ and also ‘be vulnerable’, that is pretty far from the truth. Men are required to be fierce in their mission but… Read more »
Ed, your comments here are absolutely wonderful. Infact, I think you convey your message a touch better here then in your article. While I do agree with the points in your article, some of the catch phrases used to grab reader’s attention are common catch phrases that can put men on the defensive. Such as the cliched “grow some balls”. Which previously isn’t exactly a positive motivator for mearly advising men to reach their masculine inner strength. But I could not agree with you more that women are completely hungry for a strong masculine presence in the world. One that… Read more »
Much of the advice seems helpful – except the claims touted in no. 1 and 3: Learn to be vulnerable seems at odds with grow some balls. Is the call for putting oneself on a precariousness edge,, for cultivating a sense of need and dependency on others not horridly antithetical to the claim to get over one’s “insecurity” and doing things as “a man”? Why spout such toxicly masculine rhetoric that will only damage men, or better yet, humans, who need and require each other in interdependent ways. We are all inevitably dependent on one another because we all need… Read more »
It takes balls to be vulnerable. Only a truly strong person or a person of strength, character, self respect and integrity to be willing to open and vulnerable.
Dear Ed, This is possibly one of the best articles on evoking emotions in women that I have ever read. It is too bad that “the boys” here want “game tips” instead of the truth. Everything that you wrote was absolutely on the mark. Here’s another little truth for men that they might not want to hear…picking women by the size of their breasts, how pretty they are and other external things is probably not the best way to go about finding a compatible partner. One point though, if a man has a real problem, he does need to confide… Read more »
MK
What on earth are you talking about?
The article is about developing game.
and if you think that men pick women based on the size of their breasts, you have no clue about men, either.
Perhaps your misandry would be better suited off on some feminist site?
“Wow!!!!! What astonishing secrets.” The reader said sarcastically.
This is a good introduction to game. You are describing traits associated with the Gamma or more mature Alpha male.
Chunking this up onto 10 pages didn’t make the advice any more profound or me any more reflective, and I hope this will have been GMP’s most extreme experiment with this presentation style. I find all this page-turning at least as irritating as the auto-refresh interruptions while reading your longer pages. The content itself? Seems solid enough, but dressing it up with an “almost guarantee” of better sex may go too far.