Women aren’t all overly emotional. James Michael Sama myth busts so you can clear the way for a better relationship.
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There are many generalizations and stereotypes about women which I come across frequently. I find the higher the standards that a woman holds for herself and those she allows into her life, the less she fits the molds we are about to discuss.
So, what are “all women” not…?
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Not all women are overly emotional.
While it is true that brain functions between men and women differ greatly, by perpetuating the stereotype that all women let their emotions outweigh their logical processes, we are essentially downplaying their abilities to run countries, businesses, be professionally successful, or anything of the like.
Women currently hold 4.8 percent of Fortune 500 CEO positions and 5.2 percent of Fortune 1000 CEO positions (source) and while this is an unacceptably small number, it’s important to note that none of these companies are crumbling under their leadership – just the opposite, actually.
Now, of course not every woman is going to want to be CEO of a major company, but the emotion perception infiltrates all areas of their life. They are often not taken seriously because they are “just being emotional” or some such nonsense. There have been many times I have heard women formulate far more logical and sensible points on an issue than I have heard from men — point being, we need to stop shaming women because of this perception.
Not all women want to get married and have children.
Women are often made to feel pressured by society or their families to get married and start a family. Traditionally, this would mean that she would take on the primary care-giving role for the child(ren) while her husband goes out and brings home the bacon.
As a result of this, women who have children and continue pursuing their careers, or just don’t want to get married at all, are almost treated as second class citizens. “Oh, your’e not married yet? Why not?” “Oh, you’re choosing a career over having a family?”
By the way, some women are perfectly capable of being personally and professionally successful simultaneously, believe it or not.
A woman’s life choices are nobody’s business except her own. If she is happy, that is what counts the most.
Not all women get moody around “that time of the month.”
There is this perception of women that around, let’s say, the 28th of every month she is going to turn into a raging succubus lunatic who breathes fire and would send Godzilla running for the hills.
Anyone with half a brain or any experience with women whatsoever has likely come across plenty of women who seem to have no behavioral changes regardless of the date.
The danger in this stereotype? The excuse to dismiss a woman’s behavior and chalk it up to some hormonal imbalance. Any thought process that allows us to take someone’s thoughts or feelings less seriously for such a flimsy reason should be eliminated.
Not all women are nags.
Maybe she’s nagging you to do that thing again because you didn’t do it the first 157 times she asked you nicely.
Not all women are damsels in distress.
Maybe Rapunzel needed to be rescued from the tower, but no more. Today’s women are bold, strong, and well educated. They know what they want, and what they don’t want is someone who will mistreat or disrespect them. Our goal as men should not be to be someone they need, but to be someone they want.
That being said, I am as old-fashioned as the next guy in the desire to want to be a protector and take care of the woman who I am with, but that doesn’t mean I do it because I don’t think she can do it herself.
Not all women are perfectly innocent.
Studies have actually found that women cheat just as often as men do in relationships, but they do it for different reasons. Often times people think when I write articles like this that I’m just coddling women and trying to get “bonus points,” but we all have flaws and nobody is perfect. That needs to be recognized in both genders also.
The reason I say this is because when there is a problem in a relationship, a divorce, or a custody battle – the woman is undoubtedly favored in the ruling. We need to judge these cases on the facts, not the assumptions.
Not all women are trying to overpower you.
A common misconception about today’s “independent woman” is that she is trying to take a leading role or hold power over the man in her life. Relationships are not about control or power from either side. They are about cooperation, equality, and collaboration.
While of course there are women out there who take the independence notion a little beyond what might be conducive to a healthy relationship, most of them just want to be taken seriously and be seen as your equal. Pretty reasonable, I would say.
Not all women wear revealing clothing because they want you.
Perhaps one of the most dangerous stereotypes perpetuating rape culture or street harassment is the argument about how a woman was dressed and that she was “asking for it.”
For centuries women were forced to cover up because it would give men impure thoughts. Not only is this archaic notion oppressive to women, but it is insulting to men. I for one am insulted by the notion that I am such a primitive caveman that I will not be able to stop myself from assaulting a woman if she is wearing too little clothing.
A woman’s clothing choice is not an invitation for you to disrespect her. If you want to approach her, go about it the same way you would if she was wearing a pant suit. Gauge her interest through conversation, not through baseless assumptions.
Not all women are “crazy.”
Yes, this is different than the first point about being overly emotional, because often times when women are accused of being crazy it is not just triggered by emotional outbursts or the like.
Sometimes men call women crazy when they don’t understand reasoning, can’t relate to the issues being faced, are offended or insulted themselves, or just wish she was reacting in a different way than she was.
Though, the damage done is the same as the first point. If we choose to keep using harmful language like this, we give breath to the notion that women are incapable of logical or coherent thought and therefore any reaction or situation is subject to dismissal by using this argument.
See also: The abusive manipulation tactic of Gaslighting.
Women don’t owe you anything.
I will close with a serious point.
You don’t have to look far in the news to find someone who became violent towards women because he felt as though he had a “right” to her, that she was a “target,” or something to be obtained.
Women are not a goal. They are not a conquest. They are not a notch in your belt. The idea that any woman owes anything to any man will always do more harm than good in our society and we need to teach the children who will someday grow into adults that what a woman does or doesn’t do with a man is her choice and he has no right to force anything on her. Ever.
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This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash
Thank you for dispelling these stereotypes. they are so old, especially the ’emotional’ one and the one about the ‘time of the month.’
This article is clearly about men, not women. Yes, it has some blatantly stereotypical comments geared toward men (and women actually). But, in alignment with the purpose of this site, it is challenging men to be their best and treat women with respect. A part of being a good person is treating everyone with respect. Everyone is welcome to their opinions about the article and it’s intent, but I think it deserves a good discussion among men around how they can improve their relationships with women and create better communication around these types of issues and stereotypes that both men… Read more »
“A common misconception about today’s “independent woman” is that she is trying to take a leading role or hold power over the man in her life.”
Yes, there are plenty of dude bros with fragile little egos but that is something that can happen. Just as there are abusive husbands there are abusive wives too (and not just since the 1960s).
oh my word.
Erin, woman, to woman: I believe you are doing more harm than good here. You are becoming the nagging stereotype.
Of course men face stereotypes in our society! Are you really trying to say that women don’t? I’m sincerely scratching my head over how anyone could believe that women don’t face their own stereotypes. You might have a different idea about what it means to help men then what this website represents. GMP does help men. It helps men by giving a voice to issues men face, encouraging men to talk about things and have a new kind of conversation. It also helps men by giving men more information on women, kids and other men and achieving healthier relationships with… Read more »
Women’s sites rarely if ever feel the need to talk about what men go through – and if they do, it’s the minority of articles. On this men’s site, with regard to some topics, the focus is overwhelmingly on how women are affected by those issues.
Well first, men don’t really talk to women seriously about these deeper issues. I have never had a man talk to me about half the things that get discussed here on GMP. Infact, that’s the reason I came here. I don’t know why you come here Oirish, but I come here because GMP is not the standard website. I actually don’t visit any “woman’s sites” as far as magazines that address shallow topics. I gave up those things when I was 25. I don’t find them very fullfilling and they don’t tackle the issues I’m interested in talking about. So… Read more »
I actually don’t visit any “woman’s sites” as far as magazines that address shallow topics. I gave up those things when I was 25. I don’t find them very fullfilling and they don’t tackle the issues I’m interested in talking about. So making a comparison about what other women’s sites do, and how this is some kind of reason why GMP should do the same, seems counterproductive to the core of what GMP stands for and frankly all our own personal growth. Are you really saying that GMP should be exactly like all the other sites out there? Female or… Read more »
Exactly Oirish, this website is losing readers due to this problem. This website is losing it’s identity. I’m on the edge of not coming back and unliking the Facebook page like many others.
If you want to talk about women Erin, go to women’s site. I am not going to listen to you bully men about what they should and should not post.
James, don’t use buzz words that don’t apply. And If i’m bullying you, then you and a number of others are surely bullying me in return. Or course, anytime you say something against another person, someone is bound to call it “bullying” anyway.
I know, I know though right, I’m so “out there”, that men having a conversation around stereotypes women face would be really cool. How could that possibly be a bad thing? But somehow, you believe men talking about stereotypes women face is the devil himself.
There you go projecting again. You are the one telling people how to post. I am simply defending myself against you. I am standing up against you telling people what the can and cannot say. And I will continue to speak my truth no matter what you say.
There is a difference between defending oneself and bullying. I am criticizing the article. You started criticizing men who did not like the article and I am defending against that. I will not allow you to shut me up.
Erin, You are the one not making any sense. You seem to think everyone has to post within your liking. That obviously does not make any sense. You are not the be all and end all of this site. Men should be able to post what they feel regardless of what you have to say. I don’t know where you got this sense of importance from telling posters what they should and should not saying, but it is pretty laughable considering it will never do anything to restrict men from posting their true feelings. So continue on your weird obsession… Read more »
Patrick, since you are having a lot of trouble understanding my perspective, please feel free to ask me questions and I will fill in the gaps for where you’re having a hard time understanding things. I’m more then happy to further explain my perspective so that you understand the points I’m trying to make and they aren’t hard for you to understand to the point that they don’t make sense to you. I’m more then happy to field questions from you as well. I welcome them! What makes you think that anything I’m saying here is about forcing people to… Read more »
You are not in charge of this site, Erin. Get over yourself.
Erin,
Who made you the CEO of this website? Who gave you the power to tell others how they should and should not post? You seem to have a really strange power trip that is incredibly hilarious to see.
Guillermo – I’m sorry you feel that way. But it’s a completely inaccurate representation of who I am. I’ve been open, authentic, down-to-earth, and open to conversation – even towards people who are putting me down – like you. How about we work together? I won’t make wild assumptions about you and maybe you could extend me the same curtsey to me? I don’t know who you are as a person and you don’t know who I am as a person either. But if we choose to think the best of each other, instead of the worst, maybe this conversation… Read more »
I am allowed to comment on what I see fit for an article regardless of what you say. Ignoring the fact that men face stereotypes is a fundamental issue. I think this website should care more about men and that is a perfectly valid criticism of it. I am justified in pointing out that this article fails to represent half the issue. By not mentioning men in this article it is slapping men in the face just as you are Erin.
Thank you for standing up against Erin, Guillermo. Powerful response.
I think this website should focus more on helping men and not women. Frankly, your complains don’t make sense.
Hi Kens – Please see my response to Patrick where I supplied a list of articles that do address helping men. Infact, you can put the word “sterrotype” into the search box on this website and a majority of the articles that come up are infact about stereotypes and men, not women. So your assertion that this website should focus more on men seems to be what they are already doing. I think this website does an excellent job of focusing on men’s issues. It also brings awareness to other groups of people so that men think of others too.… Read more »
GMP needs to do a better job and quit with the male bashing articles once and for all.
Men are the ones that are unfairly stereotyped in our society. I thought this was supposed to be a website helping men.
I’m a bit mystified about the responses.
It’s like none of you actually want to confront the fact that women face stereotypes in our culture without feeling that you are actually the real victim in all of this.
Doesn’t GMP do a lot of work to break stereotypes men? Why can’t you support the same being done for women?
🙂 🙂 🙂
🙂
Erin,
“Doesn’t GMP do a lot of work to break stereotypes men? Why can’t you support the same being done for women?”
Because the comments are aimed at this very article and not at GMP at large.
And trying to break stereotypes about women by reinforcing the corresponding stereotypes about men (ex. She’s not nagging, it’s just that you are a lazy, inattentive slob) may come across as a somewhat condescending way of doing it…
At least that’s my take on the issue.
Oh goodness, the articles *ARE* what makes GMP FlyingKal. And certain people on this website have a really hard time saying anything that is in support of women. I’ve never read an article on GMP, that was specifically about breaking stereotypes about men, where men didn’t respond positively to it. I’ve never read an article on GMP, that was specifically about breaking stereotypes about men, where there were not multiple male posters pointing out ways women contribute to negative stereotypes about men themselves or where articles themselves addressed how women negatively uphold stereotypes about men and how we can improve… Read more »
Why can’t you support men Erin? You are the one who always makes everything about women when this is supposed to be a men’s site.
I do support men James. You can find lots of my comments in different articles that show this. But this article is clearly about supporting women in a positive way – you know – by acknowledging and stopping stereotypes that affect women. So if I make everything about women in this piece, that’s because, that’s what the topic is about. And I’ll be very candid with you because that’s what GMP is about. There were times when I caught myself reading articles that were written about men where I sometimes found myself feeling like I needed to say “but, women!”… Read more »
I think it is asking too much when you go around telling people how others can post. You are not Queen of this site Erin and I will continue to post on things I can about which is this site ignoring the problems that men have in their lives and also putting them down in favor of women.
This has nothing to do with me telling people how to post. This has to do with me pointing out the fact that some of you came into this article not interested in talking about stereotypes women face, and instead attempting to force the conversation into how you’re actually the bigger victims in all this as men. You want to be the bigger victim. There is no room inside you to listen to how women are stereotyped because you are in so much pain around your experience as a man. I don’t say this as a slight against you but… Read more »
So much bingo.
Erin, Any guess work you came to conclude that addressing how women get pinned as “nags” meaning we are saying men are lazy, is a hypothesis you came to on your own. Because That’s not what I took away from the “nag” stereotype. Obviously, you must have missed the because you didn’t do it the first 157 times she asked you nicely part of the stereotype, because I sure as h*ll didn’t make that part up on my own! Just as you say, there’s alot of articles about breaking stereotypes about men that get praised here. And sure, I’d be… Read more »
Got it. Men are the bigger victims here. There is no room to ever be “elated” about articles that address stereotypes women face when men, no matter what the topic, always have to be the victim in every singular article on this website. And in all honesty FlyingKal, you’re only responses to thise piece where negative. It wasn’t like you exactly said, “I like this about the article but I don’t like this”. You didn’t make one positive comment about the piece in support of women. I do love though how now you’re concerned with stereotypes bieng changed about both… Read more »
Erin, ” It wasn’t like you exactly said, “I like this about the article but I don’t like this”. You didn’t make one positive comment about the piece in support of women.” You know, last time you made a point out of me not making any positive comments about women, came just after a comment where I did just that. IN suport of a commoet you wrot yoslf, to boot. So it’s not like I would bother pointing them out to you because they seem to go straight over your head in any case. Heck, maybe your personal criticism’s of… Read more »
Men face several stereotypes and should not shut up about it.
No one said men should shut up about stereotypes they face.
That wasn’t even in the article or the comments. What in the world are you talking about?
I am talking about you always criticizing men for bringing up the fact that they face stereotypes as well as women.
I “alwayd” do? Where and when? I’ve supported and commented in lots of articles about breaking stereotypes about men.
My issue here is that some of you are clearly very disinterested in talking about stereotypes women face. That being the case, why are you in this article? I totally get it if stereotypes women face is of no interest to you. But why complain about it or suggest that this article some how implies that men don’t face stereotypes just because it exists to talk about stereotypes women face?
I will criticize an article that is not being fair to men.
Thanks Ken. Keep it up.
“Not all women are damsels in distress.”
Well then perhaps she could learn that it’s probably way more efficient to perfom a task herself, than to expect you to do it after 156 nagging sessions…
Women don’t owe men anything? Then why such men think that they owe women anything and where do women feel that they have the right to force things down men? And yes, too many women tried to overpower you both at home and at work. I have seen women in lowly work positions come into the workplace and all of a sudden, they start pushing people around even though the people are in higher job classifications.
@ G
“Women don’t owe men anything? ”
There’s kind of a disconnect with that and nagging because nagging implies that men owe women something.
I’m a woman who doesn’t want children, but I do want to get married. I fail to see how having kids has anything to do with marriage in the year 2015. When you get married to someone, you *have* started a family. Your husband or wife is your family. Frankly, I want to marry someone because I love him, not because I want kids. The two things have very little to do with each other.
See, this is why #notall_x is an acceptable response. Which is why I’m puzzled as to why there is such a negative response to #notallmen as a phrase, rather than objecting to it when it’s being brought up when it’s irrelevant.
Rules for some and rules for others. Get used to it, it’s what they’ve always wanted.
On the flip side, it might be a big improvement in how companies operate & how they treat their staff if more feeling & feminine power were accepted in the workplace.
To an extent, yes. But speaking as someone who works at a company with a very “feminine” (if thats the terminology we’re going to use) approach to management; if you get too much of that you get a company unwilling to get rid of employees that don’t do their job properly or are too willing to take advantage of the “nice” managers, which leaves the rest of us having to pick up the slack when they skive off their jobs.
Do you believe that issues arise when the culture is too “masculine’? I can assure you when there is a highly masculine culture, it also breeds problems for business. The fact is though, more businesses could benefit in making more inclusive and balanced staff and higher-ups. And unfortunately, women are still struggling to be equal in that segment. I fear that your mindset may be a popular one among men where they believe being “feminine” means you aren’t as valued an asset to a company when the truth is that business problems come from both men and women alike. Ironically,… Read more »
Erin, seriously. Screw off. I’m sick of you putting words in my mouth and then berating me for them.
I never said anything one way or the other about “masculine” styles of management. I didn’t even particularly like referring to the style I was talking about as “feminine” but that was the terminology being employed.
But, hey, don’t let that wreck your narrative
8ball
So you do not belive women can lead a company ?
http://www.shoutmeloud.com/trace-sender-in-gmail.html
to buy stocks in companies run by women can be a smart investment!
this is a typo.
I will try one more time to copy and paste.
http://qz.com/361602/companies-run-by-women-perform-better/
this is the link to companies run by women perform better-
Great read Silke! Thanks for posting that link.
8ball are talking about companies with a feminine approach to management, that’s not necessarily the same as companies that are run by women…
Wow, I am really offended by what you just said! You make it sound like a “feminine approach to management” is a negative thing! Unbelievable. There is nothing wrong with a “feminine” approach to management. “Mascunline” energy is not the only “right” energy in a work environment.
There is nothing wrong with a “feminine” approach to management, and I didn’t say it was.
I just pointed out that a “feminine approach” is not synonymous with being a woman, and being a woman is not synonymous with having a feminine approach, to just about anything, incluing management.
I think someone must be really stuck in the gender binary to be offended by that notion.
FlyingKal, why is it when you or 8Ball say “feminine” it’s not necessarily attributed to women but when I say “feminine” it is? I don’t remember saying that “feminine” was necessarily attached to women alone. Which is why, like you, I used the words “feminine” and “masculine” and not “woman” and “man”. But apparently when you use these words, you’re much more broad minded than someone like me who deserves the pot shot of being labeled as being “stuck in a gender binary”. As far as being “stuck in a gender binary”, while the gender spectrum is long and varied,… Read more »
Erin,
FlyingKal, why is it when you or 8Ball say “feminine” it’s not necessarily attributed to women but when I say “feminine” it is?
I don’t know. Is it?
I don’t remember saying that “feminine” was necessarily attached to women alone.
And I don’t remember claming that you did.
Erin, again.
You did imply that something was wrong with a “feminine” approach to management.
Nope, that would have been 8ball, not me…
FlyingKal, did you not make the following statement: “8ball are talking about companies with a feminine approach to management, that’s not necessarily the same as companies that are run by women.” To me this reads as defending 8ball’s comments since you seem to be justifying his comments on the basis that “feminine” doesn’t mean “woman”. And you didn’t claim that I thought “feminine” was neccessarily attached to women alone? Then why are you explaining it as if others don’t understand that and then making statements like these: “I think someone must be really stuck in the gender binary to be… Read more »
Right. Silke. That’s totally what I said.
Christ.
I think this is a classic example of pandering.
“Maybe she’s nagging you to do that thing again because you didn’t do it the first 157 times she asked you nicely.”
What do you call it when he has asked her to do something three times, nicely?
You are demanding accountability from men. Yet, not a smattering of any such demand(s) being required of women.
Men like you (or people like you ) simply do not get. Never will. Why? You cannot see the trees for the forest.
Happy Easter!
Are you quite sure that the right way to dispel a stereotype is to basically argue, “Well, actually this stereotype is true, you know, but it’s your fault, dammit!”
Yeah, actually, I totally agree with you Theorema.
So… youre insulted by the “caveman” bit, but not by any of the rest of them that also carry the same level of dumbness? I think I can be fairly confident that most of the GMP readership was probably born sometime after the 1860’s…. and have more than a notion of how the wind has changed since the 1960s in particular?
So essentially this article is the same article I have seen put here at this site at least 6 times.
I haven’t. But if you have, I’ll take your word for it.
GMP often has articles on similar topics to explore them from the unique perspective that the author wants to explore. It’s the same reason that you’ll find multiple articles on confidence, sex, relationships, porn, the abuse of men and the abuse of women – all tackled from the individualistic perspective of the author. There is nothing wrong with having multiple articles about a similar topic.
The most logical person that I know IN THE WORLD is my middle Daughter (she’ll be 34 in october) Since she was a child I’ve been in awe of her ability to compartmentise and logically ‘break things down’. She’s currently a P.A. with an Orthopedic group but I truly feel she would be a success in whatever she chose to do!
That’s awesome that your daughter has received such high praise from her Dad. In general, one’s ability to compartmentalize doesn’t make one necessarily more logical. Since one’s ability to “compartmentalize” is usually a characteristic we assign to men, I am not sure it’s every helpful for women to say that women are only logical when they behave more like men do. We also have a tendency to just assume that if someone is emotional about something, they are not being logical. When often times, or emotions are signals to us that something is wrong, right, injustice or a host of… Read more »
“Sometimes men call women crazy when they don’t understand reasoning, can’t relate to the issues being faced, are offended or insulted themselves, or just wish she was reacting in a different way than she was.”
And sometimes when he says “she’s crazy” he really means “she’s abusive” but society doesn’t actually allow him to say that.
There were tons of things society didn’t and doesn’t allow for women and women work hard to break those tropes. You too, could work hard in making it more acceptable for men to admit they are being abused and at the same time, work hard to stop the miss-use of calling women “crazy” – because it is a problem how much we tend to gaslight women in our society too. There is a way for both of us to have issues resolved in the way we feel society treats us based on our gender.
Equally, we can also stop misusing the word “gaslighting” by using when women are simply being challenged or disagreed with.
(As an aside, I also notice you appear to be fine with the “not all women” statements here? 🙂 )
No, we won’t stop using the word “gaslighting” when it applies to the conversation. I think it’s the perfect word to describe how women get degraded in our society. How we get put down and dismissed. The stereotype that men are rational and women are emotional persists. And men are very likely to use negative language and call women “crazy” for no reason at all. This is a huge problem in our culture in regards to how women are disrespected. It has nothing to do with simply disagreeing with women or “challenging” them as you put it. I think my… Read more »
Actual gaslighting is a problem – deploying the term in response to simply challenging a woman is too. It’s a bit like how “misogyny” and “sexism” are overused in places they rarely belong. Challenging all of the misuses of the term “gaslighting” would be a win-win, as you put it. I think my response to 8ball was spot on, I’m not sure what problem you could have with it since it supported encouraging men to talk about abuse and it also supports not degenerating women with the “crazy” label. This is a win-win for everyone. Unless you aren’t interested in… Read more »
Actually, the term “gaslighing” isn’t used enough to call out the behavior. Women are still routinely dismissed and it’s seen as valid by our society because of the “they are just emotional woman” trope. It needs to be used more so that we can stop pushing off this trope women deal with. Which I recognize you have no real interest in actually discussing because why would we talk about stereotypes women face in an article about stereotypes women face. It’s more important to talk about how we need to get rid of terms that actually help dismiss and fight stereotypes… Read more »
It’s not a “win-win” if we insist that it’s a problem to use words that call attention to stereotypes that need to be broken. And, as ever – that isn’t even remotely close to what I said. I said it’s also a problem that the term is misused. http://fredrikdeboer.com/2015/03/10/critique-drift/ Oh probably for several reasons. Most of my exchanges with you are quite unpleasant and mean-spirited that often are used to put me down. For another reason, above you made some boarding snarky little comment about how I don’t have a problem with “not all women” when you actually had no… Read more »