We all get angry. It’s how you deal with your anger that counts.
Everyone gets angry. Anger is one of our basic emotions and quite possibly our first emotion as we begin this journey of life. Sliding through our mother’s womb couldn’t have been the easiest experience and if you weren’t frustrated, crying and angry at that moment, the doctor slapped you on your tush to make you cry. They do it to get you to start breathing, nonetheless, you’ve just had your first experience of being pissed off!
Growing up, learning how to navigate this tricky vessel of a human and figuring out how to fit in the world can be very tricky. As a child, I’m sure you’ve had fights with friends and/or siblings. While studying quietly in the living room, my brother would walk by me and slap me in the head. Why? I had no idea at the time, but I got so angry I threw a brick at him. A normal reaction for a 9 year old who isn’t completely equipped to handle his anger and when provoked, must react. Thankfully, my throw didn’t connect and my brother is fine.
As we begin to learn how to live in the world as adults we understand that we don’t have to react on every emotion. And hopefully, though not always, we learn that when we get angry, we’re hurting ourselves just as much as the person at whom we are directing our anger. The Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
With all the recent accounts of spousal abuse and child abuse, I find it necessary to share my solutions on dealing with anger. As a young adult, I had my bouts with anger issues and misplaced emotions. Thankfully, I spent a lot of time in therapy learning how to retrain myself. I understand now, that when I get angry I don’t have to react. I can sit with the anger, let it subside and deal appropriately with the situation. I no longer need to throw bricks and I channel my anger in a much more positive way.
Abuse has been going on for centuries and sadly, I’m sure it will continue. Not many people understand their emotions or how to deal with them. Just because someone looks like an adult on the outside, doesn’t mean the act like one on the inside. The American Psychological Association says, “The three main approaches [in dealing with anger] are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.”
An example of suppressing your anger is holding it in and dealing with it somehow later. While this works, the risk of mislead anger is higher. For example, going for a run is a great way to suppress your anger at the moment and take it out on the trail. However, if you still haven’t dealt with the person or situation you’re angry with, there will most likely be residual anger to resolve. The APA says that if you suppress your anger and turn it inside you increase your risk of hypertension, high blood pressure and depression.
So the next time someone cuts you off or your spouse does something you wish they didn’t, take one of the following steps before acting on your anger. And remember what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”
11 things to calm the savage beast (yes, the male & female beast):
- Express your anger in a healthy way – deal with the person or situation in question, but without that enraged emotional angry edge.
- Take a deep breath – One of the best ways to calm down and process acute emotions
- Go for a walk – This will give you some time to think and later come back to the situation with a balance view.
- Go for a run – I find this the perfect way to blow off steam. Hit the nearest trail, spend some time in nature and recalibrate. Most forms of exercise will do the trick.
- Meditate – Meditation is a great way to sit, breathe and allow your body to process the current imbalance in your life. Amazingly meditation always seems to put life in perspective.
- Do yoga – Another way to use the physical body to process emotions. Yoga teaches you to be in a difficult situation without reacting.
- Spend time alone – When you’re around people all the time, dealing with kids, dealing with your spouse, dealing with co-workers, sometimes we forget the power of being alone. We lose the connection to our inner most self and that is most important. When that is right, you’ll find dealing with anger much easier.
- Scream as loud as you can – But not toward your subject of anger. Screaming as loud as you can does something to help you rid yourself of the intense angry feelings. After a good scream or yell, you can come back to the situation and deal with it appropriately.
- Have a temper tantrum – It may seem ridiculous, but if you’re under water or alone under the sheets, no one will know and it’s a safe way to let go of the anger until you’re ready do deal with it like an adult.
- Get down on your knees and pray – Faith is one of the most incredible forces we have and regardless of which god you’re praying to, simply asking for guidance and asking for this intensity to be lifted and for you be restored to sanity might just be what you need.
- Be of service – There is nothing like helping someone else to get out of your own head. It’s a great way to forget about the problem, focus on someone else to change your perspective.
Photo credit: flickr.com/LianneViau