Mark Radcliffe considers it an honor to date a divorced woman. Here’s why.
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A female friend of mine got divorced recently, and confessed to me how much she dreaded now having the “divorced” label hanging over her head as she re-entered the dating pool, like some modern day version of the scarlet letter. That she, too, had failed to make it work, and men would recoil from her in disgust, running for the nearest 20-something as soon as possible.
But I for one, think being divorced can actually be a stamp of awesomeness to we men willing to look past the stigma. I think this experience actually means you’re a cut above your never-been-married friends. And here’s why:
1. You’ve experienced loss, and rebounded from it. You have courage, resilience, strength. That’s an attractive trait to men looking for a worthy partner.
2. Hey at least you dared to get married! You took a swing at love, rather than just playing it safe on the sidelines. You placed a bet in the lottery of life, and while it didn’t work out, you can dust yourself up and try again. Hell, even George Clooney couldn’t make his first marriage work.
3. You know it’s better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong. And are maybe more willing to wait for the right guy than jump into something just to have a body next to you. You don’t feel “incomplete” if you’re not in a relationship, and are maybe becoming a better person each day that you’re on your own.
4. You now know (if you didn’t before) that love takes work. That it doesn’t just magically take care of itself, and float along in a some happy, pink cloud surrounded by unicorns and cotton candy. You know that both parties have to commit to supporting each other and making compromises on a daily basis. This, too, means you’ll have a more realistic and mature approach to your future relationships.
5. You had the balls (irony intended) to walk away from something that wasn’t working. You stood up and said, “No, I won’t stay in something that’s a lie.” And that means you have standards. Principles. And me, I like a woman who takes a stand. And isn’t afraid to face some public scorn in the process. Where others see “scandal,” I see strength.
6. Maybe you’ve recognized that you’ve made a mistake–either in your own actions, or simply by marrying someone else who was making a lot of mistakes. And that’s incredibly valuable for your future partners in life, because you’re clearly humble enough to accept criticism and question yourself.
7. You probably now have a deep knowledge of what sexually satisfies you (and what doesn’t). And that’s rare for women and men. And your future relationships will benefit significantly from that.
8. Maybe you were the one who walked away, and now know what “Mr. Wrong” looks like, so you’ll better able to spot “Mr. Right.” Your bullshit detector is now iron-clad, and you realize you don’t always have to “stand by your man.” Because a lot of guys don’t deserve to be stood by. You’ll be less likely to fall for bullshit more able to identify a true heart.
9. Or maybe you yourself realize you weren’t such a peach, yourself. That you have things to work on in your character, personality or attitude. But that willingness to accept fault is also incredibly attractive to the right guy. You’ve recognized you’re not perfect? Congrats, most of us never get there. We’ve got shit to work on, too. It’s nice to have some company.
10. You know what it’s like to watch love slip away, and you’re more able to keep it from happening again, to have the tough conversations that need to happen. Hell, maybe you can help us prevent us from losing our way, too, if we drift.
11. Because you look wonderful when you walk down the street alone, unafraid, cool and confident. When you sit at the bar with no one next to you, it doesn’t bother you a bit. You kind of even seem to be enjoying it. Which makes us want to be next to you all the more.
12. So you’ve got a few scars. They make you more interesting. You’ve suffered pain and loss, so you value joy and happiness more than those who’ve never lost it. You’ve experienced a wider range of emotion in life, and have a deeper appreciation for the highs & lows.
if you’re worried about the future, please don’t. Believe that your best years are ahead of you. Because there are those of us who find you all the more appealing for the battles you’ve won & lost. Who find you much more interesting and inspiring for having a few kinks in your armor and some stories to tell.
And maybe you’ll find one of us wanting to be by your side sooner than you think.
But, maybe you’ll be just fine without us. 😉
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Also read: 17 Reasons I’m Still In Love With You by Mark Radcliffe
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Photo: Flickr/martinak15
Thank you ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for writing this.
????
Thank you for the letter that you posted on the Web, I went from hurting to enjoying what I’ve read. I must admit, I actually feel a bit better.
X
Good for you! I get down a lot too…but there are good men available that are divorced and hurting too if you just can give us a chance and realize all of us aren’t scum, lying cheaters ????
Thanks for writing. I’m a divorced chick with kids. I would never expect a man to magically fit into the “whole picture”, any more than i could “do” all his life-vocations / jobs. As such, i hope most of us divorced women are honest enough to know that raw acceptance and healthy support are possible with any number of variations. Let the relationship be healthy on its own terms. Everyone has parts of life that are shared explicitly, and parts that are shared in more subtle ways.
Jean was my late mother’s name. I know there is a good, honest man out there for you who likes kids. Some divorced men like me who don’t have kids don’t have them because of ex wives that didn’t want any, not because we don’t like them so keep that in mind. You WILL find a good man that will treat you right! We all aren’t bad!
Hello ,
I love a girl who has divorced her husband after 20 days of her marriage. As her husband had some connection and relationship with other girl which was unbearable for her. so I appreciated her for her dare and strength. But my question to you guys is how can I convince my parents as they will not easily accept her once I will tell.
so kindly give reply and let me help.
Thanks.
Im a divorced and single dad with 1 daughter only, from Chicago United States, i am looking for an honest and good woman for a friendship, i have a big love in my heart to share with her if only i found her. If you’re interested write to me to my email quickly ([email protected]) so i can sent you my pictures and tell you more about myself better.
Thank you Mark, the article is beautifully written and just the morale boost I needed this morning, a lot of maturity reflected therein. I’ll be sure to share it with other divorcee women in need of positive vibes.
Is this article satirical? I can’t believe that it is serious?
Hey great article thank you. Many encouraging points. I like that the author has listened to a friend and taken the time to respond. Having very recently divorced from a 22 year, 5 month and 2 day marriage I understand very well how much that means. (I actually googled a time calculation, I didn’t count EVERY day!!) As a wise man told me – It’s not a failure if you learnt something. Well written Mark.
I think Mark’s “weakness for girls who can drive stick” has a hidden meaning…..Man card revoked.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, I can drive a stick. My first car was a four-speed.
Thank you. Really …THANK YOU. I can’t tell you what reading your words just meant to me. And I’d love to buy you a beer if you are ever in Nashville -but only if it is ok with your significant other. I, personally, have learned a thing or two about honesty and trust 🙂
Thanks! I was a little depressed until now You made me feel strong and ok
you are strong. and more than ok. namaste.
….”As a survivor of divorce, thank you.” Why are (nearly) all women, ‘survivors’ of something?? To me, that implies that their suffering is(was) greater than a mans’…. I call B.S. on that lame premise & the shaming (& other) denigrating tactics women use to try to control a man! Ohhhh–sorry. I, keep forgetting that, mens’ sole purpose is to ‘do’, for women, & to endure their emotional roller-coaster, hatefulness, & ‘user’ mentality. ‘Most’ women view men as (nothing more than) a ‘disposable’, means-to-an-end, to fulfill THEIR goals. Thanks for the suffering ladies; why do we gotta put-up-with, ALL of your… Read more »
As a survivor of divorce, thank you.
Hi,
Has opened my eyes on some aspects of life. Thanks and Gbu.
Thank you for writing this article. I have gotten divorced a couple of years ago, and really, this is the most encouraging thing I have read so far on this topic.
It only encourages divorced women, not men.
What about divorced men?
Does anyone else ever read an article directed at men or women on the site and then automatically tweak it in their head slightly so that it applies to both? Or am I the only one?
I think you are the only one..
An ironic one, most like. She employs the same tactics that I infer she would condemn if a man were making similar statements about a woman. Her opening comments tell us all we really need to know, employing shaming tactics in an attempt to guilt these rebels back in line. Be a man, take it like a man, keep your complaints to yourself, etc. Aren’t those oppressive gender roles, the ones that men need to be unshackled from, much like women from their respective gender roles? So much for the liberation of men. There’s no use getting too upset about… Read more »
Some of the comments truly amaze me… “Oh, that could apply to men, too, so… WAH!” When did our society grow a crop of male whiners? If you want an article like this to be written to praise men, then WRITE ONE. I happen to think Mark Radcliffe poignantly portrays some viable reasons why dating someone who has been through a divorce can be good thing. He also makes it quite clear from the start that this is intended for those women who might be worried that carrying the label of “divorcee” is a bad thing. Those of you hating… Read more »
Nice condescending comment. What stable do you use to find such a tall n magnificent stallion to ride upon, looking down at all these men?
An ironic one, most like. She employs the same tactics that I infer she would condemn if a man were making similar statements about a woman. Her opening comments tell us all we really need to know, employing shaming tactics in an attempt to guilt these rebels back in line. Be a man, take it like a man, keep your complaints to yourself, etc. Aren’t those oppressive gender roles, the ones that men need to be unshackled from, much like women from their respective gender roles? So much for the liberation of men. There’s no use getting too upset about… Read more »
@ Sarah
I’ve written many articles for GMP. That doesn’t mean that any got published. If there aren’t any articles on why divorced fathers rock, it may be because GMP won’t run them.
Oh right, whining is only allowed for women as it fits in with the gender stereotypes against them. Men aren’t supposed to complain. They’re just supposed to man up and take it on the chin right madam Sara? Check your prejudices at the door. You’re on a website dedicated to men and as somebody else pointed out, almost all mainstream websites kiss women’s collective asses and they think the only way to praise women is to tear men down. It is no wonder that some men will find it frustrating when a website purporting to be for men is towing… Read more »
Well, i agree with you, Sarah. I wouldn’t have to write to say so, if not for all the whiners who felt the need to chime in, again.
I was under the impression that one of this site’s goals is to deconstruct toxic masculinity. By labeling dissenting men as whiners you are contributing to the problem.
I’m not going to appreciate an article which implies that divorced women are better than divorced men.
Sure marry divorced women but just NOT western women. Foreign only, asian preferred.
“And maybe you’ll find one of us wanting to be by your side sooner than you think.
But, maybe you’ll be just fine without us ”
POWERFUL.
My goal is not to get married again. My goal is to be me. I am already complete. Not pissed and being defiant. It’s just an understanding now. Finally, comfortable in my own skin.
Thanks.
Sometimes our fellow bros need to show us what our girlfriends can’t see. Thanks for the validation (again.)
Beautifully said, Mendy.
thank you mendy. my feelings exactly. i would much rather be alone. i am not lonely. in fact i am less lonely now than when married. namaste.
As with most articles on this site, this is good but should be applied to both genders. These same things apply to divorced men.
Given that this is a website geared towards men, maybe writing an article about how divorced men rock is in order. There are many more websites and magazines geared toward boosting women up by tearing men down. Besides, divorced men are less likely to find social support and more likely to have been forced out of the family home and not living with their children. I think they’ll appreciate some recognition of their trials and tribulations. More importantly, they also face pre- judgments and prejudice on the dating scene as many women draw conclusions about the reason for their divorces… Read more »
I think that’s a great idea – but I don’t think this very lovely piece precludes an equally lovely piece about divorced men being pretty good company too (I’m happy to vouch for that – and that many of these points apply equally). This is a really positive piece – it doesn’t deny other experiences or make judgements about men at all. My only dissenting commenting on the article is that I’m not sure there is a stigma attached to being divorced – I’ve never really felt it – who knows, might be a cultural difference (I’m Australian).
The stigma for divorce went the way of the stigma for tattoos. If you’re not divorced and don’t have a tattoo maybe there is something wrong with you.
Amen to that!!
Right in line with a progressive men’s website which supports feminism…I don’t see a disconnect here. You’re either with them or against them.