In the wake of the Charleston Massacre, Alex Yarde says it’s time to become an ally in both word and deed.
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“Humans aren’t as good as we should be in our capacity to empathize with others. So maybe part of our formal education should be training in empathy. Imagine how different the world would be if in fact we taught ‘reading, writing, arithmatic, empathy.”
-Neil deGrasse Tyson
What is missing in our society when a white youth, who is wearing a hoodie and carrying a gun, is welcomed into a traditionally black house of worship to join the members in prayer for an hour and ends up killing 9 people and a black youth, who is wearing a hoodie and carrying candy, is gunned down near his home by a vigilante (arrested 6 times since), who thought the youth was “suspicious”?
I argue it is empathy.
A friend of mine commented to me that she thought it was strange that no one at work mentioned the Charleston Massacre on the morning after the shootings. In that same office people discussed the minute by minute updates of the Boston Bombings. Why the difference? Could it be because Boston is closer to New York than Charleston? Or maybe a marathon is more relatable than a prayer circle to some? It does seem that unless a tragedy effects people that look like us or who share our background or traditions, we tend to distance ourselves from the issue.
Webster’s defines empathy this way: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also :the capacity for this.”
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I think the most important thing in this definition is THE CAPACITY FOR THIS.
Why?
There is a serious empathy gap in this nation and the massacre in Charleston is the latest example. Terrorism by definition is the use of violence by an individual or group for intimidation, to make a political statement or achieve a political goal. This was a political statement that if left unaddressed will only get worse. This lack of empathy is at the root of institutionalized racism and virulent sexism, homophobia and transphobia that dominates the discord we find ourselves constantly mired in. In this case, radicalism can originate from a broad social consensus against progressive changes in society, into violent extremism. There are multiple pathways that constitute the process of radicalization, which can be independent but are usually mutually reinforcing. If you lack the capacity for empathy you are left vulnerable to radical views.
Put yourself in the shoes of a black motorists in Charleston. You have to drive down streets named after confederate generals. How would that make you feel? The Pastor of the church, who lost his life ministering to his murderer, drove to work down those very streets. He also was a state senator. At that job, he had to represent his community inside a state house that flies the confederate flag on it’s grounds. How would that make you feel? Maybe if there was more empathy, street names and flags which symbolize oppression, secession and white minority rule would change?
They must change.
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The capacity to empathize with another is a uniquely human emotion.
It is vitally important to foster these feelings in young children. I read a Tweet by a mother that said “A 5 yo black girl survived last night by playing dead. Surely my 6yo white son can survive a conversation about why she matters.”
Sadly Mr. Roof and a growing number of other angry young men don’t seem to have this kind influence in thier lives. No counter to the false rhetoric we are all bombarded with about black people in America. “They were so nice to me.” he admitted. His victims opened their doors, accepted him, prayed with him but he chose to ignore their shared humanity. That’s why education, literacy and exposure to different people and points of view can help, even if your surroundings foster hate and myopic views. For empathetic feelings to take root, one must first posses self esteem. How to instill empathy in young boys and girls is to instill self worth. Clearly, if your racial identity is the sole accomplishment you can point to in your life, you are going to have trouble developing empathy.
We can use moments of discomfort as opportunities to induce empathy for others, like the mother who wants to talk to her child about the Charleston Massacre and why it’s important to acknowledge others shared humanity. It’s difficult to mistreat someone you empathize with. This is why proponents of slavery needed to de-humanize the people they kept in bondage.
Unless we as a society can start developing empathy, seeing humanity in all its members, racial violence will continue to be part of the fabric of our society.
We can never undo the damage of the past. But we can start building the foundation for a better tomorrow any time we choose. The shameful legacy of chattel slavery in this country has deep roots of hate to which the terrorist act at “Mother Emanuel,” the oldest AME church in the South, is only the latest bitter fruit we harvest today. We will see more of these attacks unless we stop kidding ourselves about the painful symbolism that the government of South Carolina makes official, that humiliation and intimidation of African Americans is acceptable by honoring confederate colors and confederate officers.
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I’m asking people of good faith in Charleston, SC. and across our nation to demonstrate the capacity for understanding, awareness and sensitivity to the feelings, thoughts, and experience of their African American brothers and sisters. That must be our response to this terrorist act.
I’m asking them to finally let go of the confederate cause of white supremacy, renounce hate, fear and terror and embrace the cause of these latest victims of racist violence, which their surviving family members demonstrated in court so eloquently with more bravery and compassion than I’d ever have of brotherhood, love, peace and forgiveness. To speak out and demand the street names of confederates be replaced with the names of martyred leaders and true patriots, Tywanza Sanders, Cynthia Hurd, Rev. Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, Ethel Lance, Susie Jackson, Rev. Clementa Pickney, Rev. Depayne Middleton-Doctor, Rev. Daniel Simmons Sr. and Myra Thompson.
I’m asking for a flag reintroduced 90 years after the Civil War as a political tool to intimidate people trying to desegregate schools during the Civil Rights movement be finally taken down. #TakeItDown. I’m asking for more uncomfortable discussions with our children about why #blacklivesmatter. I’m asking for all to reach out to neighbors that are different than ourselves and have play dates with thier kids. I’m asking us all as Americans, not to let the terrorists win.
This is not the time for resting on laurels and declaring “I’m one of the good ones.” It’s time to bring this conversation off line into the lives of the friends and relatives in our lives who’s comfort we know need disruption. It’s time to become an ally in deeds and words.
I’m asking for all of us to show the capacity for a little more empathy.
Combined with a lot more action.
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Photo Credit: Sarah Green
Breaking development: today at 12:00 PM ET South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley called for the removal of the Confederate flag from the grounds of the state Capitol
Excellent article. Thank you for this. About that, this wasn’t water cooler discussion though, people are afraid to talk about racially charged topics at work. Fear is one of the things that keeps us apart and it’s usually irrational. I’ve worked in IT for 25+ years. I know why women aren’t accepted and it isn’t the sexism that most think it is. It’s fear. Fear that telling an over heard joke or wearing the wrong shirt is going to get you fired. Fear that the environment is going to change. Fear of competition. We brought on a female tech and… Read more »
Sarah,
we are working at fostering more empathy at
Center for Building a Culture of Empathy
http://cultureofempathy.com/
Thank you Alexander for forwarding me this post on Twitter. I wholeheartedly agree that what people need is empathy and you stated it so eloquently. We need to make sure that we not only raise our children to be more empathetic, but that we personally work on being empathetic as well. Our children will learn what they see from us.
Thank you Alexander for this thoughtful piece. As a white woman in America I appreciate this attempt to reach out and offer advice in a tone that is collaborative and kind. I agree with everything you have said here.
A friend of mine commented to me that she thought it was strange that no one at work mentioned the Charleston Massacre on the morning after the shootings. In that same office people discussed the minute by minute updates of the Boston Bombings. Why the difference? Could it be because Boston is closer to New York than Charleston? Or maybe a marathon is more relatable than a prayer circle to some? It does seem that unless a tragedy effects people that look like us or who share our background or traditions, we tend to distance ourselves from the issue. Or… Read more »
For me the Boston bombing was talked about because people were killed. The hunt for the killers did not make the story any more horrific. The same goes for Charleston- the fact that the killer was caught quickly is incidental. People were murdered and THAT is the story to be talked about at the office, on the street, and in the home. However the Boston terrorist attack will receive much more interest and press than the Charleston terrorist attack ever will, because of our dominant white culture. I talked to my children about racism, hatred, oppression, frustration, anger, and marginalization… Read more »
small thing a white person like me can do. . . Diversity in user persona’s for web application design. Agile design is a process for building websites and other products that relies on creating a “persona” and writing stories that have the persona take some action on the website you’re building. So we have a persona named Terrell who’s a black man recently graduated with a degree in engineering as one of our persona’s and we write down a description of him including categories such as “a good day is. . . ” and we categorize Terrell based on several… Read more »
Excellent Article!!!