The author knew better. But he answered two of his girlfriend’s questions honestly. He lived to write about it.
Maybe I should’ve subtitled this article “2 Questions I Should’ve Never Answered”. But I did. Most men in relationships know that the women in most cases will be the most quizzical ones (maybe that’s a stereotype, but it’s been that way in my experiences). The ones who will ask the most questions. And, there are some questions that men should answer, and there are those…that should require a lawyer present when answering them.
Here are those questions.
1. “How Do I Look In This” Besides the fact that she will ask me this first thing in the morning (she works first shift, I work second), and many times I’m bleary eyed, what’s really funny is the level of intensity that my lady will ask the question. (“How do I really look in this?”) I admit, I’m a clotheshorse. Been that way since I was a teenager. I can even bring out my inner fashionista for my girl. But, when she asks for my opinion on her outfit on any given day, she wants me to inspect her like Tim Gunn on steroids. Which.I.cant.do. My knowledge of female fashion is very limited. I know the basics, but I can’t even begin to know what kind of feminine flourishes she should add to what she’s wearing.
What’s funny is that because I obviously like her a lot, she’s always going to look good to me. I like her big butt (which she has a love/hate relationship with). So that handicaps me right out of the gate. Too me, I’m looking at a woman I already think is attractive, so even if she may wear something that makes me pause, I’m not ever going to say “That blouse is scaring me”.
But she continues to ask me anyway. Sigh.
2. “Do You Think My Friends Are Cute”? Sometimes, I think women are masochists. Why in the hell do women want to know what their men think of their female friends? In non-friendly ways? A man will never ask a woman if she thinks his closest male friends are cute or attractive. (In my case, it’s a super hell no, because most of my close male friends are/were pretty boys. Go figure).
My girlfriend recently asked me which of her friends were hot, or not. Usually, I would completely blow that question off, or quickly change the subject. However, on this particular day, I was tending to my Franchise on Madden 25. I was in the middle of trading for a second round pick in the upcoming draft, so my mind wasn’t all the way “there”. Like the distracted half-wit I was at that moment, I went down the list of friends that she provided. After 25 minutes, and a few half awkward laughs, I thought we were done.
Nope. A few weeks later, my girlfriend drilled me on two of her friends I said were cute. One of the friends had gone out to lunch with my girl, and the other one was going to another social outing with my lady. And she got all Law and Order/Homicide: Life on the Street on me. “I’m going out with the one you said was hot!” “I’m going to hang out with your big booty crush!” (Hey, I like booties. Black Guy here) Now, I was getting hammered for giving opinions that she asked for.
Damn you, Madden 25!
That’s the list. Maybe I should go watch Bravo. I think I’m going to need some tips.
Photo k3rm0r/Flickr
Is this a test of the emergency sanity system? You may want to ask her what is behind her questions. Does she really want your opinion or is she looking for affirmation? Is she doubting her attractiveness or your loyalty? Is it a set up? What is she hoping you will say? More questions than answers(:
I agree. Ask her if she can tell you what’s behind the question, or ask her to rephrase it. If a question seems odd, tell her you don’t understand the question and ask her to explain it to you.
It’s scary, but at some point you have to raise this issue with your girlfriend. You just do. Being diplomatic or trying to read her mind or trying to dodge the question is not a good long-term approach. You need to share with her what it feels like and/or sounds like to you when she asks these questions. “When you ask me if I think your friends are cute, what I hear is….”or “what I feel is….” What’s probably going on is that she’s asking one sort of question but you’re hearing a different sort of question. Your girlfriend may… Read more »
P.S. Or you could just combine the two questions into one answer:
“Your friend ___ would look really cute in that!”
🙂
To be honest, most of the men i know dont even ask and assume, that there is always something attractive about their male friends. My male friends’ girlfriends are always questioned about who are they with and how dare they even talk to the other guys in our group of acquaintances. My boyfriend is conscious about that too. He says he’s not jealous but you can see the nervous awareness with which guys are talking to me, god forbids when someone strangely doesn’t know that I belong to him (when I meet a new person they usually already know who’s… Read more »
I really like what Anna said. To me… the first question is fine…. I mean… I really trust my man’s opinion… he has good fashion sense…. and I like to sometimes compliment him when we “dress up” …. So I feel totally confident asking his opinions on what I’m wearing… when I sincerely like to know… When it comes to the second question……. I think real, deep, honesty supports a strong relationship. Our culture has set it up so that women compare each other to make us feel small so that we can stay in insecure places so that we… Read more »
Yeah, the first question is really like a rhetorical one (sort of like you asking her ‘am I large enough for you’). There’s only one obvious answer (if you want the relationship to continue).
On the second one however, I disagree with you. You should ‘step outside the box’ and ‘flip it around’, asking her about your friends. If she gives you names, your in the clear! If she says ‘no one’, you simply say “yeah, that’s how I feel”. She may know it’s B.S., but she can’t call you on it!
You girlfriend is a narcissist with abandonment features. She is terminally insecure and angry. It’s not acceptable or normal to be setup like that. Break up with her immediately because it’s only going to get worse.
The first question is not so bad as long as you don’t ask whether you look fat in a certain outfit. I’ve never understood why you’d ask anyone about such a thing. But sometimes I’d ask my boyfriend if what I’m wearing is ok or too extravagant, and I don’t need an expert’s opinion, but a regular one. The second question is something I’d absolutely never ask. I’d get all paranoid about the answers. If he says that one of my friends is hot, I’d freak out every time they have an interaction. I’ve had ex boyfriends who commented that… Read more »
Yeah, the first question is an honest question. The second one is emotional abuse.
There are a lot of things taught in this culture that we take for granted. One is that we have to be jealous of the other people our partners are attracted to. Men: Please note, some of us women LOVE to hear about our guys crushes. My husband and I talk about them all the time (yeah, he loves that I talk about my crushes on his guy friends too). We are like best friends that way. It is a ton of fun! without it, we wouldn’t be so close. We also believe that without a healthy flirty life outside… Read more »
Appreciate the new perspective. Thanks for opening up about your open-minded relationship. I think we would have a whole lot less suffering with our partners and in our lives if we just admitted that we are attracted to other people, and yet still want to be with our partner. So gracias.
We don’t quite *have* to be jealous, and everyone has varying levels of jealousy regardless of what our culture may teach. They can range from obsessively jealous to almost nonexistent. I’m not sure where I’d rank but I wouldn’t want to date anyone who DID try to talk to me about what other women they’d like to fuck. Definitely not my cup of tea. Basically, what works for you and what you find acceptable or fun is not going to fit everyone. Additionally, I don’t think an unwillingness to do these things is about some lack of self-confidence, it’s just… Read more »
I can add to this list of how to answer a question from you girlfriend / wife
If she asks you this
“If you could have a threesome with anyone of my friends which would it be”
Make sure no matter what you answer , that your wife/girlfriend is one of them.
🙂