The essential things that one man has lived, learned, and unlearned in just under a quarter of a century.
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I turned 24 a little under six months ago. I don’t feel much differently than I did at 23, I don’t act much differently than I did at 23 and in many ways I don’t think much differently than I did at 23. Frankly, I find that the only major differences between life at 23 and life at 24 are that I’m earning marginally more than I was at 23, I’ve made some new friends and lost some old ones, and I’m a little more jaded by the cost of living in New York City.
I’d like to believe that when that time comes to examine the value of my quarter century of manhood, I’ll be significantly less likely to have a nervous breakdown.
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But I’ve also come to terms with the realization that I’ll be entering my twenty-fifth year in a few short months. The grand, ripe, round age of 25. A quarter of a century. Silver jubilee. Quarter-life crisis. You get the picture. I’m still grappling with what the appropriate ratio of jubilate-to-mourn is, but that’s a ponderism for another day.
I’ve heard, lived, learned and unlearned some things along the way – things I’m quite glad that I got to know now rather than later. I’d like to believe that when that time comes to examine the value of my quarter century of manhood, I’ll be significantly less likely to have a nervous breakdown.
So if you’re approaching 25, perhaps you’ll find some of my learned truths helpful too. And if you crossed that bridge already, I’d like to think you’ve learned most of these and more already; but if you haven’t — well, I’m going to hope you can find some value here nonetheless.
- Masculinity is not insensitivity or misogyny. It is not how much sex you’ve had, it is not heterosexuality, it is not sports, and it is not patriarchy. It is variable and beautiful.
- You are so much more than your masculinity.
- Give yourself more credit. If you are alive and reading this, you’re doing much, much better than many. Some people are barely existing today; others didn’t make it through yesterday alive.
- Pictures are important; when times pass, and things change and memories gets fuzzy, they will be your passports to a special time. Capture those moments – your future self will thank you.
- Not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay in it. Sometimes people are guests in your life; they visit for a while and then leave and sometimes they visit again – but if they overstay their welcome, don’t hesitate to evict them.
- Spend time with yourself. Explore who you are, define who you are, refine who you are. Know yourself and love yourself in all the perfections and flaws others may find too difficult to love. It is imperative.
- Be kind to yourself. Be generous to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Buy gifts for yourself and take yourself out to nice places, just because. No one else is obligated to do those things for you.
- Try new things. You might discover a hobby or a passion. Or if you’re lucky, maybe even a lucrative talent.
- Do things that make you happy, and do them frequently; I’ve found that happiness is often created, not found.
- There are two fundamental truths about life: you’re either going to be okay or you’re going to die – and the latter is only a matter of time. So, breathe and live.
- Life is too long not to plan for the future, but too short to worry about it.
- You will love people who will not love you back. It might be their loss, or it may be for your own good. Either way, don’t stick around to find out; you’ll save yourself joules, time and money.
- We have the tendency to strike at the things we do not understand…don’t break a heart you do not know how to love.
- Listen to the people who care about you. They will love you when you forget to love yourself.
- Always be yourself; you will always be enough.
- Remember to say “Please”, “Thank You” and “I Love You”. Those words open up worlds, and yet they often go unsaid.
- Read the news. There is nothing more unattractive than willful ignorance.
- There are many good things in your life (I guarantee you this). Count them often.
- Who we are is not defined by what we know of ourselves. You will discover impossible truths about yourself if you give yourself a chance.
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable. It is terrifying and liberating; by opening up, you allow for potentially remarkable things to come in.
- There is the family you’re born into, and there is the family you find – cherish both.
- Remember that good people mess up too. It doesn’t mean they are evil, but it doesn’t make their messes excusable either.
- I’ve found that we often already have the answers we seek; we just don’t like them very much.
- Some of the most beautiful souls you will ever meet have seen the greatest pain. Treat them with kindness.
- Listen to your gut. Always.
Wish me luck as I near the Big Two-Five. And let’s never stop having honest conversations with ourselves, and with one another.
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Photo: Getty Images
nothing wrong with this fine list. i think i quite like it. all the best to you.