Teach your children well, and be open to learning from them in return.
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Somewhere between the skinned knees, broken arm, learning to ride a bike, karate, voice and dance lessons, our little boy grew up. Like many parents, we made it through the teenage years, and he, in turn, survived the parents who may not always have been cool—although we think otherwise.
While we had hoped for several children, we were blessed with one. He may not have had a built-in playmate to keep him entertained and to fight with, but he had all the love we had to give and perhaps, as an only, he didn’t have to compete with siblings for our attention.
He told me he had turned over a new leaf. I like to say he turned over a new tree!
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Joel was a typical kid—awkward during his middle school years. He started dancing; first tap, then jazz and ballet, and endured lots of teasing because of it. But in high school, he really blossomed, and found a calling in theatre, and was inducted into The International Thespian Society.
Academically, however, he just got by. Did he have the smarts? Most definitely. Did he have the motivation? Not at all. Did he see the value in hard work.? Most definitely not.
The good news is he still found a great college to attend. His high school grades did not qualify him for in-state scholarships and he wanted to expand his horizons by going out of state. Fortunately, the school he chose (and chose him,) Kent State, was looking to add students from Florida and the out-of-state fees were mostly waved. Plus, his love and dedication to theatre had earned him a small scholarship and he headed to Ohio to pursue a BFA in Theatre.
And then something cool happened. He fell in love with learning. Grades suddenly mattered to him. He told me he had turned over a new leaf. I like to say he turned over a new tree!
After modifying his BFA to a BA and adding a second major, he graduated with a Bachelors in both Theatre and Communication and made his way into the world, working for four years for Jewish organizations before deciding to pursue his Masters degree—again two degrees—Business Administration and Jewish Professional Leadership.
His journey through high school, college, and graduate school has taken him on five trips to Israel, as well as trips to Germany, Belarus, and Lithuania, and several conferences in the United States.
As parents, we hope to impart our wisdom to our kids, to guide them along their journey, and save them from having to experience the pain from the lessons we had to learn.
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In a few weeks, he will begin his career with the Atlanta Jewish Federation.
In his graduation speech, Joel spoke about community and the relationships to be fostered within communities, which he is so passionate about.
I think every parent hopes their kids will discover their path and passion in life. I know ours has.
He has often told me that we gave him a good foundation. I contend that he is building a remarkable structure on top of that foundation.
As parents, we hope to impart our wisdom to our kids, to guide them along their journey, and save them from having to experience the pain from the lessons we had to learn.
And while his dad and I have tried to do that, we have discovered that he had plenty of wisdom to share with us as well.
Here are 3 valuable lessons we learned from our son.
1. -Not Caring About Something Now Doesn’t Mean You Won’t Care Someday
Life doesn’t stay the same, and what matters now may not later. Conversely, things not important now can take on new meaning later in life. Joel’s grades weren’t stellar in high school, but they didn’t prevent him from pursuing college and his dreams.
We have the ability to make choices and change our mind about how we feel about something. Life is not an absolute.
2. -Your Path Does Not Have to Be Etched in Stone
When Joel first wanted to change majors, he felt concerned that he was not sure of what he wanted to do. When he made a change the second time, he felt guilty because it meant a fifth year in college.
Staying on the wrong path is a bigger mistake, though. Being willing to take a risk to find your path is far more courageous and can have some big rewards. The biggest reward for Joel besides finding a great career path—the first weekend in his “super senior” year, he met the wonderful girl who is now his wife.
As adults and parents, we’ve learned that being flexible and going with the flow is far less stressful as well.
3. -Recognize Those Who Make Your Life Better
From an early age, Joel learned the meaning of family. Although we were just a family of three, we always tried to attend events with cousins and he had the blessing of growing up through most of his teen years with all his grandparents nearby. His dance school and theatre troupe became family as well and through college, in his fraternity, work, and graduate school, it has been a joy watching his “family relationships” blossom and grow stronger.
Thanking his cohort at graduation and recognizing them as important people in his life was a proud parental moment to observe. It’s really easy to get carried up in our own excitement and life and be oblivious to who helped us achieve our goals, even if it was just by supporting us along the way.
Gratitude fosters good in so many ways. It’s so important to be present and acknowledge the people who have and do make our lives better.
We can’t wait to see what you teach us next!
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Photo: Courtesy of Author