How do you get the security you need?
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You’re in a relationship and things aren’t going as well as you had hoped. For some reason, you find yourself walking on egg shells, pins and needles because you’re unsure of what will happen next.
How do you get the security, which you want and need, of a lasting, loving relationship?
Here are the three absolutely essential keys to feeling secure in your relationship:
Key 1: It starts with you.
Feeling insecure in a relationship often has very little to do with the relationship itself and a whole lot to do with you!
If you need your boyfriend to compliment you constantly, reinforce his attraction and explain why he chose to be with you instead of every other girl in the world, then you should consider yourself “insecure.”
Feeling insecure about who you are or what makes you special will cause fear and anxiety within your relationship. Because you see no worth or value in yourself, you automatically assume the relationship is at risk.
Feeling secure comes from within, and you cannot expect your boyfriend to make you change how you feel about yourself or your relationship.
Being secure in who you are, what you want, and what makes you special is how you will make your relationship grow stronger.
Key 2: It’s all about communication.
Do not assume your boyfriend can read your mind or even your body language. When your boyfriend fails to interpret your texts of “fine,” “hmph,” “whatever,” “kk” and “I guess,” it isn’t for lack of trying.
Communicate to him what you want, what you need and what you’re feeling so you can stay on the same page of your relationship.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. There will be no room for misunderstandings, misinterpretations and, of course, miscommunication.
Effective communication will allow you and your partner to know exactly how you both feel, what problems you are currently facing and how you should resolve them. This way, your relationship can continue moving forward.
Key 3: Trust is paramount.
Your boyfriend is not your ex. The past is the past; leave it there.
Trust takes time to build. Be patient and allow your trust to develop through your self-security, his self-security and your effective communication.
History will not repeat itself unless you allow it to. If you believe your trust has been lost or compromised in your current relationship and there is no room for it to build back, it may be time to end the relationship. When you and your boyfriend are on board with these essential relationship keys, you will find the security you need for your relationship to grow and develop.
by Selina Almodovar
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About the author
Selina Almodovar. After a lifestyle of breakups & insecurity in my 20’s, I became a Relationship Expert and Coach to teach women how to discover themselves and their values. Fall in love with your life–check out my website, Well Said Living, to find out how!
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This article originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
Photo credit: Nathan Congleton/flickr
Catch him in lil white lies… hmm. He doesn’t know I know everything
Good for you, writing an article that is not heteronormative. All the references to “your boyfriend” were intended, I imagine, for all the good gay men out there–and I have no doubt there are many.
But, assuming for a moment, that this is a men’s site and most are straight and the article seems directed straight at hetero women… wtf!?
I echo your Wtf? With why point the the insecurity finger at women (again, assuming this article wasn’t written for gay men)? I have enough first hand experience to say men can be insecure too, let’s not play the stereotype game here.
I wasn’t suggesting finger pointing, at women, for being insecure. It literally just seemed like an article someone had written for women that was posted for some reason on a men’s website!? Way to disregard and disrespect your ostensible audience. We’ve all got reasons to feel insecure at times. But let’s be honest in these articles: “Being secure in who you are, what you want, and what makes you special.” Unless you’re some one-in-a-billion Einstein, you’re not “special” except to the people you matter to. I can only imagine that most of us–men and women–are poking around these websites because… Read more »
Selina I am sure all you say here is correct ,but what about issues like economy,unemployment,health …… A person can bring insecurity into my life when he can not pay half of the bill, when he is on drugs or drink too much, When he gables away his money or when he sleeps around and give me STD. Some have to live in another place becuse of labour migratin , are in prison or have job that takes them away from home for several months. Security is a lot more than communication problems! Yes security starts with me when I… Read more »