What fathers had to say on Twitter this week.
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Hilarious, ironic, charming, moving tweets from fathers. Here’s what has been said about fatherhood’s fantastic adventure this week.
My 4yo’s just asked for a Star Wars figure for his birthday so I’m going to feed him donuts until he’s the size of Jabba the Hut.
— JC (@JCautomatic) 3 Mars 2014
Chasing a 3yo around the kitchen with a squeaky giraffe, good times
— Ed Hornby (@EdHornby) 2 Mars 2014
4yo: That story was too short, I want to read another one Me: We just read two long stories, it’s time for bed 4yo: You’re killing my life!
— Hunter Steele (@FatherWithTwins) 28 Février 2014
If my 3yo kid wakes up at 4:30 AM just to tell me she’s a superhero, her powers need to include going back in time to make better decisions.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) 24 Février 2014
3yo: I wanna sleep in your bed Wife: It’s not big enough for all of us 3: Daddy can sleep on the couch! What happened to “bros before hos”?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) 28 Février 2014
My 3yo fell backwards in his chair at dinner tonight & somehow landed standing up on the back of his chair. Half of those genes are mine.
— Brent Lineberry (@BrentLineberry) 2 Mars 2014
Forget Adam Driver, they should cast my 2yo as the villain in the new Star Wars. He is that evil.
— Guerilla Dad (@GuerillaDad) 1 Mars 2014
My 2YO daughter just said “I need privacy” in the bathroom. Privacy!? You just turned 2! How do you know these words??
— Joe Barnes (@joescii) 1 Mars 2014
2yo, holding tape measure up to my back: “You are, uh, 25 minutes. Now go to sleep in your bed.” Whatever you say, Doc!
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) 1 Mars 2014
It’s cute how my 1yo daughter likes to feed me her Apple Jacks, but that last one tasted like maybe she’s had her hand in her diaper. Damn.
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) 2 Février 2014
Just asked my 1yo if she’s got a pooey bum. She said no. I’m pretty sure she’s lying.
— Craig Potter (@CraigLPotter) 18 Février 2014
me—*sings a super-low, bass version of “i’ve been working on the railroad” almost-3yo, after a pause—”that was kinda strange” #fairenough
— John Harkey (@FelixFardo) 22 Février 2014
My 3yo boy “you like tea and bluebelly fart, Daddy?” Tea and blueberry tart it is.
— Steve Cavanagh (@SSCav) 22 Février 2014
Just got the 3yo to shout “This was never part of the deal!” Parenting win!
— Pete Brown (@downdb) 2 Mars 2014
4yo “I’m a wizard I will zap you, loser !” 6yo “wizards aren’t real, they are pretend” 4 “now I’m the hulk! Smash you!” 6 “ok I’m Thor!”
— Jason Fraser (@opasx) 3 Mars 2014
As if there’s not enough conflict in the world, the banana that I’ve just peeled for my 4yo has got a black bit on it.
— JC (@JCautomatic) 3 Mars 2014
Me: You’re so silly, I’ll call you Billy 4yo: You’re Buck because you… My brain: Don’t say it, don’t say it 4yo: Chuck! Me: Whew
— Hunter Steele (@FatherWithTwins) 1 Mars 2014
2yo, blocking doorway: “Say the magic word!” 4yo: “What’s the magic word?” 2yo: “Poop Simba Hakuna Matata.”
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) 23 Février 2014
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4yo to stranger – “Our dog is a girl cause she has a “gina”.” Me – *shrugs “The more you know.”
— Fishy Snowboarder (@FishySnowborder) 22 Février 2014
“If we were monkeys, why are there still monkeys?” My 5yo, honestly, just now. By the time she’s 6 she’ll be as clever as Sarah Palin.
— Hugo Rifkind (@hugorifkind) 22 Février 2014
This morning 5yo – This is a good show, I like It. 2yo – Star Wars! 5yo – it’s Lego Star Wars actually. (Silence) 2yo – You’re Star Wars
— Noel Clarke (@NoelClarke) 22 Février 2014
I’m a normal guy. Put on my tank tops just like any other 4yo: w/ my head stuck in an arm hole as I try to free myself before wife sees me.
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) 22 Février 2014
Queuing to pay with 3yo in lingerie dept 3:”What’s that for?” Me:”No idea Ladies stuff” Lady behind:”Makes Daddy happy!” M:”Umm, unlikely!”
— Nick King (@Nickking) 27 Février 2014
3-year-old: Daddy, I can brush my teeth *squirts toothpaste directly in her mouth* *gargles* I’m only mad because I didn’t think of that.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 26 Février 2014
Me: How were swimming lessons? 5YO: GREAT! Me: Why was it great? 5YO: I didn’t sink! Me: GREAT!
— Brian Johnson (@bcj79) 25 Février 2014
5yo walking around with tissue boxes on his feet. Didn’t get my Howard Hughes reference. WTF are they teaching in kindergarten? Damn kids.
— David Beazley (@dabeaz) 25 Février 2014
My 1-year-old daughter said, “awesome,” and then put up her hand for a high-five. Apparently I’m raising a bro.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 24 Février 2014
Tennis lessons w/ 5yo son. He yells “cobra strike” when he hits ball. Coach tries to get him to stop. Now all kids – and coach – yell it.
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— Sean Clancy (@SaratogaSpecial) 24 Février 2014
Hide & Seek with the 4yo: Me-“Hmm wonder where u r?” 4yo-“Would u like a clue, daddy?” Me-“OK.” 4yo-“I’m in the cupboard by the stairs.”…
— Maccapedia (@GhettoSocialite) 4 Mars 2014
Every time I vacuum I come to the same conclusion, my 4yo daughter has an endless supply of hair and glitter!
— matt h (@matt_h75) 4 Mars 2014
Our 4 year old was building a “small car” out of legos… me: “it’s very small, it could be a Fiat.” 4yo: “it’s not a Fiat! It’s a car!!”
— Ben Reese (@ben_reese) 4 Mars 2014
My 4yo: It’s 12 kuhtrees outside. That’s cold
— John McCarthy (@sayitanywayou) 4 Mars 2014
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Last week’s Best Dad Tweets of the Week
Based on an idea from Huffington Post
Photo credit: Flickr/Greg Burkett