With the news of late full of General Petraeus and other men who’ve had affairs, there’s a lot of talk about what makes men cheat.
Pat Robertson said, “I mean, he’s a man”, and the world seems to agree: Men cheat because they’re men.
But wait a minute… We here at The Good Men Project know a lot of guys who don’t cheat—guys who are committed to being faithful to their partners. And knowing all these good guys, we certainly do not support the notion that masculinity=infidelity.
And so, as a response to The Huffington Post’s “Why Do Men Cheat: 26 Reasons Guys Cheat, According to Men“, we offer you 31 reasons men do NOT cheat, from men and those who love them.
First, GMP founder Tom Matlack explains why he doesn’t cheat:
I honestly think my wife is the most beautiful woman on the planet.
From Todd Mauldin, writer and Bluesman:
I don’t cheat for 3 reasons:
1. I really, really love my wife.
2. I respect myself too much to break my vows.
3. Cheating looks like way too much goddamn work.
And here’s what we learned from our Twitter followers:
— steve (@carlintweets) November 16, 2012
— Discerning D20 (@DivorcedD20) November 16, 2012
@lisahickey I don't cheat cause I've got a good thing I don't want to mess up
— Carl Menger (@comfortsailor) November 17, 2012
— Jackie Summers (@jackfrombkln) November 17, 2012
@goodmenproject on the myth men are wired for infidelity it takes faith honor integrity and strong backbone and values to just say no
— Bruce Buccio (@SnglParents) November 16, 2012
@iproposethis Cheaters (1) aren't in love (2) don't know what love is/takes or (3) let love slip to a lower priority. I am. I know. I won't.
— Cameron Conaway (@CameronConaway) November 17, 2012
— Restorative Strain (@restorativestrn) November 16, 2012
@lisahickey …..because what I need is within me first (happiness) and my wife allows me be me
— Adrian (@Ado_mack) November 17, 2012
— Scott Behson (@ScottBehson) November 16, 2012
@iproposethis Guys don't cheat because they have self-control. The media tries to convince us that they don't.
— Melissa A. Fabello (@fyeahmfabello) November 17, 2012
— Jessica Meddows (@JessicaMeddows) November 16, 2012
@GoodMenProject discipline and commitment. Anyone can cheat. It’s a choice. You either make the right or wrong one.
— Christopher (@teesang) November 16, 2012
— Christian S Anderson (@letstalkdating) November 17, 2012
— kellykrei (@kellykrei) November 17, 2012
— Erich Kreppenhofer (@Trakhener) November 17, 2012
— Jeff Andersen (@andersenjt) November 17, 2012
Hey guys — all we hear in the media is why guys cheat. We're doing a story on why guys DON'T cheat. Tweet me with answers! @iproposethis
— lisa hickey (@lisahickey) November 17, 2012
And our Marriage Editor, Gint Aras offers us a number of reasons why:
1.) My wife doesn’t give me any reason. I have no interest in cheating on her. Whatever problem I might have, I’m aware, would only become worse, as I grew up in a house of infidelity.
My wife is not sexually possessive of me in the least. I have told her many of my sex fantasies, even the most idiotic ones. If Eva Green or Scarlett Johanson seduced me, enamored simply because of my looks or charm, demanded a one night stand of no-strings-attached sex in some swank hotel, the first person I would tell afterwards would be my wife. She would almost certainly celebrate this crazy experience and demand to know all the details. It would probably make her horny, and we’d have the best sex of our marriage. She’d announce it on Facebook, “Gint laid Scarlett!” No one would believe her. Scarlett would deny it.
(Scarlett and/or Eva, if you happen across this article and get turned on, please e-mail me. Discretion guaranteed.)
2.) My father cheated on my mother and I don’t want to “become him”. I have children of my own now. I know what damage it does to a kid’s self-esteem. It’s an act of extreme selfishness and disregard for a child’s need for security and trust.
3.) Here’s a shocker. I love my wife enormously. I worry about her daily. My love for her as a whole human being is greater than my sexual needs. I want my wife to have time to develop her musical career, and I don’t want her to feel that her primary role in the marriage is to fuss and fret over my every need, whatever it is. She gave birth to my children, and she does an amazing job raising them. Our little boy is still an infant, and the late nights exhaust her. The best gift I can often give is time for her to rest, and I feel I never give her enough.
4.) Let’s pretend I got so horny that I couldn’t handle it anymore and, rejected for the thousandth time by my wife, I found myself wanting a sex partner. Where the hell would I find one? I have two children and work daily. During my free time, I scramble to get writing done. What should I do? Ask women at work if they’re interested in an affair? That’s an inevitable cycle of rejections, and I get enough of that from querying agents and editors.
Even if the solution were an AdultFriendFinder account, I’d have no time to meet with this Adult Friend. And if I did meet with her, I’d probably be too exhausted for anything besides a quickie. Also, I would demand a clean bill of health, very recent notes from at least two doctors. Quite frankly, a Fleshlight is more attractive than this.
5.) I don’t find it empowering. Unless you find a married woman who must also hide the affair from her husband, you give away enormous leverage. A single woman, as we see again and again, can blackmail a married man, and if she has anything to gain financially, she’d be a fool not to. Now…a married woman who wants an affair? Really? With me? What a wackjob.
From Blogger and GMP contributor Atalwin Pilon:
I thought I did not cheat because it was the honorable thing to do but I learned that the other side is also true: I fear being a jerk, I fear losing love, I fear the shame and I fear the guilt. I used to think that my faithfulness was a cool thing but I now sometimes think that my inability to cheat is a weakness. I want to be faithful out of love, not because I simply dont have the courage to pick the forbidden fruit. But working on it.
Rip Wallace says:
Because it is the right thing to do. I know what it feels like to be cheated on and when I truly love someone their pain is my pain. I do not want to cause them any pain.
Shawn Peters adds:
I don’t cheat because even on the worst days, when our connection feels frayed and our rhythms are off and everything we say is abrasive and misconstrued, I know that even if there are some things I wish I could change… cheating would change everything, and that’s not what I want.
And finally, some wisdom from Michael Taylor:
The media generated perception is that men are incapable of being monogamous. The truth is that all men are capable of monogamy if they choose.
I choose to be monogamous because I took the time to discover the emotional and psychological issues that kept me from experiencing deep levels of intimacy with a woman. As a result of my “inner work” I am now able to experience deep levels of trust, intimacy and connection with my wife.
Nothing is more important to me than sharing my life with the woman who is absolutely perfect for me. Our relationship is perfect as a result of it’s imperfections and I love the emotional security that comes from knowing that my wife is deeply devoted to me and our marriage.
In answer to the question “why I don’t cheat” it’s really simple, I authentically love my wife and have developed a partnership that fulfills me in every way imaginable.
Contrary to popular belief I believe most men would like to have a loving, caring, rewarding and fulfilling relationship. Too many men simply aren’t willing to learn how to do so.