Your dreams have to die for you to be more.
—
In the most challenging week of my life, I learned the four biggest lessons to living a life of Authenticity, Love, and Courage.
In the span of seven days, my life was shaken, and at times broke me, to my core. My dreams of getting married, settling down and building my corporate career were engulfed by the testing flames of destiny.
It was the end of Easter and my relationship of two-and-a-half years was kicked to the curb. Wedding cancelled, kicked out of our apartment, I was forced to move back in with my parents.
This was to be the start of the most challenging, stressful, and life-defining week of my life. I would reboot my business, my relationship and my life to be in a place with so much more uncertainty, fear, and freedom.
Every reboot in life shouldn’t be seen as a restart but as a transformation.
Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. – Herman Hesse
The decision to let go of the relationship was not sudden, nor was it difficult when you see that the both of you are suffering. I was suffering because I was feeling like a caged lion, she was suffering because she didn’t feel safe with me, financially. I was limiting my potential (and hers); I couldn’t see what that potential really was. Yet I knew I was destined to do more than work in a corporate six-figure job that I had spent eight years working to create.
A day after the break-up I had a huge moment of clarity with my coaches when they lit the path in my darkest hour to show me this was the moment to go all-in with my side business. I’d finally freed myself from the shackles of security because no longer could I use my fiancé as the excuse. Now it was all on me. It was all on me to look deeply at what was the reason why I stayed in my corporate job.
It came down to a fear of the unknown. What I knew in this moment was that I had to go for it. To become even more of who I was than I thought I believed was possible. So I worked the courage to submit my resignation two days after the break-up. Sudden? Yes.
Spur of the moment? Never. It was always part of the plan.
The week was not yet over, however. By the end of the week, I would also have to fire my first ever employee in my own small business.
The Hottest Fires Forge the Strongest Swords- Chinese Wisdom
Here are the four biggest lessons I learned in this week from hell.
Lesson #1 – Being in the Moment and Embracing the Feelings
Any breakdown of a relationship is going to be difficult in terms of emotions because you’re going to go through the void. That new space that was once filled with the couple-y things we both shared. For a few days, I was really finding ways to distract myself from the loneliness, the over-thinking, the constant doubting. Distractions like Netflix, games, drinking and eating only serve to divert attention from the root problem.
When you simply just let yourself grieve in a space that is safe only then can you really let the feelings release. Feelings are natural to experience, but you’ve become conditioned to suppress and hide from the dark feelings. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been told to stop crying, shamed for being upset or even ridiculed for expressing your feelings. Your feelings need to experience the whole cycle, just like food or water. What goes in must come out, but with feelings you hold on to it, hold it, HOLD IT.
These feelings arenNever to be released until the pressure builds up uncontrollably and you erupt like a volcano because someone didn’t return your message. This is the same in any situation; you have to let yourself experience the feelings in any moment. To not judge them, to not let the influence of others judge you for them. Just to embrace the light or the dark feelings and be with them when they come. There is no need to rush, even though it is tempting to move beyond them. All you need to know is to have total faith that you can see this through because this too shall pass and you’ll be able to handle what will come.
Lesson #2 -Support Comes When You’re the Most Vulnerable
Part of being in the moment and surrendering to your feelings also means you’ll have to be willing to be vulnerable. It means not hiding from what’s going on in your life. I had to tell my boss I needed a day off because I couldn’t face walking into work pretending my life was ‘good’. I had to tell my family and be willing to bare the pain I was going through to my family because I needed somewhere to lean on. When I made that call, they all came rushing to my side and we held a family emergency dinner (I like to call it) the very night I had to pack my stuff and come back home.
I reached out to friends I hadn’t been a close with since I was in the relationship and ask for them to just hang out with me for days. I had to open up to my boss at work because I couldn’t pretend anymore and through it I saw his humanity and was lifted from the worries I had about leaving the workplace. It was in this one week where I openly shared with my audience and clients and found that I received a tsunami of support I never thought I had.
Everyone is scared of being alone. Everyone is scared to be the first to open up, but when you take that leap to be the one to open up, you never know who will come to your side to help you back up when you fall over. Don’t hide from the rest of the world when they come knocking on your door; be willing to just be you and through vulnerability, the deepest connections are formed.
Lesson #3 -Personal Growth is Like an Onion
The reason why I don’t call these moments a reboot be more of an evolution is through this experience I’ve realized that there is always something new to learn, accept and love about ourselves.
See when you’re in personal development and you work on accepting and loving who you are, you find that you hit a point where you think you accept and love all that you are. “You don’t know what you don’t know.”
Lesson #4 – Embodying Who You Are
It may seem like it was an over-reaction to go from a serious relationship breakdown to quitting a six-figure job AND making the first firing in a business. You might be thinking ‘hang on a second Richard, you’re moving a little too fast here and I think you should really slow down and reconsider what you’re about to do.’
One of my best friends said that to me, but when I called him up and explained the whole situation he said these words to me.
“This is the most responsible thing you can do for yourself right now”
In that moment I stepped up, stepped in and took the leap to building the life I wanted. I started to live in my warrior spirit and no longer am the victim of circumstance, but the captain of my destiny.
I have to let go of who I was in order to become who I might be – Lao Tzu
Life is a constant rollercoaster ride of emotions. The trials and tribulations flowed in and out as quickly as they came and the same goes for the successes and wins. We are all just constantly on a path of tweaking, refining and growing ourselves. Each layer we unveil about ourselves will feel like a revolution, an evolution, and a need to rebuild. Remember it was always part of the plan.
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Photo: GettyImages
Thanks for sharing Richard – i can definitely relate to your 4 lessons – especially the first and second – embracing/facing my feelings and letting friends and family in to support you. In hindsight from my relationships, it is a lack of listening and communication of my feelings and theirs that has caused my relationships to fail, and the acknowledging and communication of my own feelings to myself and friends that has helped me to pick myself up and move on. Its natural and easy to try and ignore the pain that you feel at first, though honestly it is… Read more »
Mel 🙂
Thank you for your beautiful words and honesty…
It’s such a huge shift for men to open up to their feelings and communicate it in a way that doesn’t make us feel like shutting down from the world in the future.
This journey will have turns and twists, we just need to keep at it 🙂
Follow a long on facebook for the journey!
Hi Richard,
What a great story with a positive end result! Tough times like these always call for the best in a person and I think this is a great example of how you, or anybody, can turn things around. It’s clear that this experience has strengthened you, congratulations! That’s one more layer of the onion to add to your life.
Hey Jeff,
Most definitely mate!
The struggles in life are what truly test a person, like you said to call forth the question of ‘Are you going to let this shake you?’
The onion will always continue to reveal itself! 🙂
Cheers,
Rich
Well Richard, what an inspiring chronicle of “your week of hell” as you define it. I’m sure it will stir, stimulate and motivate all who read and comprehend the significance and implications it could have for their lives if they harness the attitudes you managed to develop and finally aspire to. There is someone close to me who is dealing with crises at this time and I will forward this to him. Comparable experiences to yours could have moved the great Thomas Aquinas to pen the subsequent passage: THE ROAD THAT STRETCHES BEFORE THE FEET OF A MAN is a… Read more »
Thank you Warwick!
Amazing passage as well!
I still am digesting all that it is, so thank you again Warwick 🙂
I hope this helps your friend light their path through their current situation
Cheers,
Rich
Well Richard, what an inspiring chronicle of “your week of hell” as you define it. I’m sure it will stir, stimulate and motivate all who read and comprehend the significance and implications it could have for their lives if they harness the attitudes you managed to develop and finally aspire to. There is someone close to me who is dealing with crises at this time and I will forward this to him. Comparable experiences to yours could have moved the great Thomas Aquinas to pen the subsequent passage: THE ROAD THAT STRETCHES BEFORE THE FEET OF A MAN is a… Read more »
Four great life lessons, thanks for your sharing! I couldn’t imagine myself going through that week in hell, I’ll be a total wreck… You have been very brave with managing your emotions and what you’ve done that whole week. I’m sure you’ve helped a lot of people who are feeling down and have relationship issues by sharing your experience.
I wish you great success in all your future endeavors and all the happiness you deserve ☺️
Cheers,
Jezza
Thank you Jezza!
These emotions always comes and goes. Ups and downs, they are just like waves in an ocean. We just need to learn how to ride them, enjoy them and sometimes even experience a wipeout.
Always though, we keep riding them and becoming better. 🙂
Cheers,
Rich
Such a great article Richard. In hindsight it’s amazing what you went through. You went from one of the most traumatic situations a person with feelings could face, to one of so much opportunity. Looking back, letting go of your previous partner was impossible because you loved her so much, but now that it’s over, a new and exciting life has been created, one that’s taking you to places you only dreamed of. I wish you all the best and will be here to watch your journey.
Thank you Ronal 🙂
There are always opportunities in every moment, sometimes we just lose focus on it…
It will be an exciting ride, everyday!
Cheers,
Rich
Richard,
Very empowering tips and views on life. I’m a firm believer of what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Using your vulnerability to drive calls to action is no doubt the driving force to your success. Four very powerful lessons in life. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks
Wendy
Hi Wendy,
It is the quickest way to freedom (I’ve found anyway) is to just accept the good, the great and the garbage in our lives. To either decide it will hold us down or to fuel ourselves forward!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Rich
Great article Richard! Good on you for putting a positive spin on one of the most difficult circumstances you’ve faced and sharing your learnings with the rest of the world.
Thank Anne!
Through pain is our power and this is an example of the power we can have when we give into our pain. So that we can transform it to something more powerful!
😀
Hey bro! Love how real this piece is. Yes copping with the end of a relationship is tough work. I for one sure hate it. However with it comes new life. Like what you’ve said a reboot. I think this reboot is necessary when our lives start to get mundane and things start to feel like “routines”. That’s the reason why people lose the initial drive and fire in the first place. Personally i’ve been through a couple of reboots so much so that some of my close friends don’t even know what i’m doing anymore. Yes it did affect… Read more »
Amazing Val!
It definitely feels scary like the reboot/reset in life. However just like electronics, we can go even faster after such events come our way!
Love it, thank you for sharing 😀
Thanks so much for sharing Richard, you are truly full of love and authenticity and I know you have such huge successes ahead of you. I can see your 2nd best selling book not far away 🙂
I’m going to need you and your amazing team again for when that 2nd book comes out 🙂
Thank you Christine!
Richard I can so relate to this, especially the part about letting go, it’s so hard… to let go of everything familiar we’ve known, everything we’ve held dear. I love your analogy of how personal growth is an onion, as I went through a similar experience with letting go of my businesses earlier this year, I felt all those emotions you felt, from sadness to downright depression then to anger and huge resentment but as I experienced those emotions, I started to realize that these were actually opportunities, opportunities for me to dive deep and discover more about myself, peeling… Read more »
Vincent mate, what a great share!
That book is one of my favourite books and highly recommended. I’m glad you pulled some huge learnings from this one brother!
Richard,
I had no idea you had gone through any of this. I remember your excitement when you proposed! As difficult as that week was, you made it through and you are learning along the way. That’s commendable, and ultimately what will make you a huge success in life.
Change is good. It’s hard. It drags you through the fire, and you have the courage and wisdom to emerge even better than before.
I can’t wait to see what’s next for you!
Hey Sandy,
It’s scary how quickly life can shift it seems…
Thank you so much for your kind words 🙂
Like Tony Robbins said “The quality of your life is directly proportional to the amount of uncertainty you’re willing to handle.” I’ve not been in so much more uncertainty than right now and honestly I am loving my life even more!!
Just like you I cannot wait to see what is install for the journey 🙂
Wow Richard – that WAS some week!! How you managed to look so deeply and gather so much strength internally is amazing following what must have been a difficult time for you personally.
Kind Regards
Chris
Hey Chris,
Totally was a week that was stressful, nerve-wrecking and testing (to say the least!)
Like one of my friends told me, this was a hollowing out period for me and when I cleared that space everything started to become clearer…
Allowing me to step into what it is I’m meant to be. So it was a great moment and a chance for me to share this for others to learn and grow from.
Love to know what you took from this one and how it will apply to your life 🙂
Cheers,
Rich