Showtime explores 4 deadly mistakes people make in building trust.
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Most people would agree that the foundation of a happy relationship is trust. Without a certain level of trust in our relationships, we are pretty much just fooling ourselves and attempting to breathe life into something that is already dead. Trust comes with time, and if we expect someone to trust us we must not only be honest in the things that we say, but also there should be sincerity in the things that we do. As men, sometimes we can do things to lose the trust of a woman without even recognizing the signs that this part of our relationship is fading. Once that trust that we spent so much time building and working to have is gone, it’s usually gone forever.
So, what can we do to make sure that we keep the trust factor in our relationship intact? Well, here are five things that you should NOT do if you want to have a relationship built on trust.
1. Talk Down To Her or Belittle Her
A lot of times the things that we say have harsher consequences to those that we are speaking to than the things that we actually do. How can you expect to be respected in a healthy relationship when the woman can’t even trust you with her feelings and emotions? The focus of your words should be to uplift and empower her, not to make her feel small or insignificant. Two things in life that you can’t take back are the stone after its been thrown, and the words after they have been said. Once a woman sees that you are not compassionate and mindful of her feelings she is going to automatically begin to shut down and lose the emotional connection that you shared.
2. Be Inconsistent
There is nothing that screams dishonesty to a woman more than an inconsistent man. If you say you are going to do something, do it! If you say you are going to be somewhere, get there! If you say that you know what you want, you better find a way to prove it. Many times our words don’t match our actions. We can say one thing today, and by tomorrow we are doing something totally different. This is a red flag to many women because when they see the inconsistency factor within you they have make the decision that you are not the one to give them the things that they need in a relationship.
By the time you figure out that you need to decide what direction you want to move they already have their minds made up as to what they want, how they want it, and when they want it. Stand firm as a man and deliver on your words so there is no doubt in her mind that you are there to consistently provide her with the things that she needs to maintain the relationship. Most importantly, you must be there when she needs you.
3. Not Communicating Effectively
You can’t expect to get anywhere in your relationship if there is a lapse in your communication. The quickest way to end a relationship is by stonewalling and not tackling issues head on. Making the assumption that someone knows what you are thinking before you tell them is hardly the best way to sustain an emotional connection. We have to be sure that we are outright while saying what we mean and meaning what we say.
This form of unmitigated communication can help us avoid a world of trouble within our relationship if we just take a moment and say what is on our mind. Also, don’t think that communication is only about how well you speak. You must also listen with the same intent as you talk. Don’t just hear what she is saying, allow her words to penetrate your mind and take every word in. The last thing that a woman wants is to feel like she isn’t being taken serious because you aren’t listening to the things that she says about the matters that she feels are important.
4. Not Putting Her Needs Before Your Wants
Having the desire to want things to go our way is simple human nature. Most of us want things to go according to our plan because we feel like if they don’t we may be in jeopardy of losing something important. But what happens when you get so caught up in what you want that you forget about what the woman needs? Many times we allow our desire for certain situations to go in our favor to outweigh our impact of meeting the needs of the person we care about. One of the major factors in true love is selflessness. Sometimes you have to walk away from the things that you want in order for the person that you love to get what they need. Once both individuals begin to project a true spirit of selflessness within the relationships the trust factor will come easily because both people will understand that its no longer about me, but all about we.
Lets begin to open our eyes and walk with a spirit of trustworthiness in our relationships. That way we can eliminate all of those unnecessary that are holding us back from having the happiness that we deserve. Give up those things taht are preventing us from growing so that you can be the man that she needs you to be.
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Originally appeared at The Single Fathers Blog
Photo: Flickr/Jesslee Cuizon
Replace the word “woman” with “person” and you got a good article here.
This article is too vague to be useful to a man who’s looking for the type of insights it provides. I hate to jump on the “this is just repeating what women want” bandwagon, but that’s really what this article sounds like. I don’t think the author intended this – the author is probably just a vague writer and therefore not a very good one – but this article reads like the unspecific desires of a woman who doesn’t know what she wants, but is angry at a man for not giving it to her. The #1 is the most… Read more »
cheat, lie, steal, batter
Exactly, Lau_ra. This is a MEN’S forum, people! It discusses what’s going on with men, thoughtful discussions about how men approach relationships, life, etc. Of COURSE women are guilty of this too! As a woman, I find this forum useful about how to ask for what I want in a relationship. I find myself thinking “YES! Exactly!” when I read articles like this, not because I think men are so wrong about everything, but because it gives voice to my feelings, and therefore gives me some good words to use to ask for what I want. Keep up the good… Read more »
Maybe that’s the point of the previous posters, S_mcnic.
Intead of yet another article that lists things that men presumably do wrong in any and all relationship, how about something that gives voice to their feelings, and some good words to ask for what they want?
Cause basically what we’re having here is telling men that they shouldn’t.
As men we are lectured on our lack of emotional knowledge on a daily basis by the media. Yet it is most commonly about how men lack the ability to see a relationship through their partners eyes and empathize deeply. It might be true in some cases, yet even here few women are capable of seeing through a male partners eyes and emotions…….either men are seen as emotionally simple or as being emotionally failed women or as emotionless because we fail to express and feel in a feminine approved way……yet all those are excuses from a society that hides from… Read more »
Ah, come on, people – just not this “yet women are guilty of this too” thread! Yes, there are women who do the same whats mentioned in the article, yet this project is on masculinity and men. Not women.You’re welcome to dish out on women on projects of women (though I can testify that almost every single magazine already tells women again and again how they don’t do enough to make a man happy, yet rarely teaches women to evaluate if they are happy with men who act in those ways mentioned in this article). So can you stop turning… Read more »
Because as men we are held up as the “cause” of most relationship problems…….the largest consumers of the self help style media are women……and because it is a business just like any other they find a way to avoid pissing off their revenue stream……women……and the way to do that has been to stigmatize men and male viewpoints. DR Phil anyone? Women are portrayed as emotionally mature vs the petulant childlike men….. Yet in the real world women are no better or worse on average than men are…..people in general are a bunch of screw-ups striving to become better ……. putting… Read more »
Also if this is “the good men project” why are women setting the parameters of what a “good” man is? That is for men as individuals and as a group to decide for ourselves……Feminism reserved that right for women, men get the same rights also.
Man… that article just says women want RESPECT. That is all. Maybe there are many men that wanted to know about women’s opinions?
Why so hysterical.
If you really accept that men and women are equal, then you accept that women are just as capable of bad behavior. No one should get a pass just because of gender. There are plenty of White Knights
and Uncle Tims like Dr Phil who throw other men under the bus for female approval. That way they can show they are more evolved than those “other” men.
This goes both ways honestly. I’m dealing with an inconsistent woman right now who doesn’t communicate effectively. If I’m the one who has to grow to be the man that she needs me to be, what is she doing for her personal growth that will benefit me and/or our relationship? Why is it always about the guy having to make these sacrifices and accomodations?
Free advice here, Silent. The only reason YOU “have to be the one to grow” is because it is WHO YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO BE with her or any other woman between now and the day you die. Your “inconsistent woman” may begin to grow and become the most amazing person in your life – or she may not. The only man who might inspire her to grow is not whining about her deficiencies. That guy may or may not be you. The point? Why would a man choose NOT to grow? Why would he choose NOT to be the… Read more »
Yes, lets make a site that’s geared towards ONE demographic and fill it with article gears towards THE OTHER demographic… because that makes perfect sense..
Come on men, is it really that hard to understand why a site geared towards a specific topic is goign to fill that site with a completely different topic?
Maybe these men questioning this (seemingly obvious correlation) are confusing a “men’s site” with a “woman-bashing site”
Men – If you want to read article about what women should do in a relationship, pick up a Cosmo… that’s what it’s GEARED towards.
Great article. Thank you. I wish more men actually READ and HEARD the words. Many men don’t understand that women are looking for a long term relationships and thus all inconsistencies and lapses in communication are red flags that things will get only worse once we get into a relationship.
Yet another article blaming men for everything. I would suggest reading Men On Strike by Helen Smith and The Manipulated Man by Esther Vilar.
Wes, it’s not blaming men: you are on a website geared towards men relating to men’s experiences; many articles written by men, for men, with many being about women, and relationships. Your comment is like saying you’re on an atheist site and you’re annoyed they’re not discussing creationism. And nothing about this is about “blame.” It’s an article with points from his perspective that may be helpful and useful to many men. And indeed, they’re very valid points. Many men have difficulty with these issues…if you don’t, or aren’t open to reflecting, just move on, no?
There is a difference between reflecting on something and accepting it at face value without even questioning it.
Only a woman’s trust? Seems like a fantastic method of destroying just about anyones trust in you……In my personal life I’ve seen women just as often guilty of those issues as anyone else.
Seems to be that way. Seemingly more people are forgetting about equality: We are equally responsible for the success of relationship. We are 100% responsible for our communication, thinking, feeling & behaviour into relationship. We are equally able to give our best when we choose to. What is of concern is the way that we pay such credence to feelings and emotions as though they are such a true guide … and they are for what we are feeling and emoting. When we can actually work from the heart of what is causing the feelings & emoting & can confront… Read more »
Deflecting is the cork in the bottle of growth , of understanding