The best ways of putting your business life and your family life together without harming one or the other.
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If you are like many men, your career is more than money. You take pride in your work and it brings you fulfillment. Your family is even more important to you. You need your job because it gives you a sense of purpose and a way to financially contribute to your household. Conversely, if you over prioritize your work, family suffers, or worse disintegrates. The phrase “achieving balance” admittedly sounds new-agey, and it probably evokes eye rolls. However, the truth is that unless men can create balance between business and family life, one or both will suffer.
Don’t Let False Messages You Receive About Masculinity Impact Your Priorities
Almost every man has received, sometimes subtly, messages that his worth is directly tied to his success in his career field. Men are encouraged to take pride in their work, to work long hours, and to make work a top priority. Most men don’t receive this same encouragement when it comes to their families. Instead, they are praised for their indirect involvement via financial support of the household.
There are times in which it is absolutely appropriate to act in the role of loyal employee, and times in which it is appropriate to act in the role of dedicated family man.
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Take some time to evaluate how this messaging is impacting your priorities. Are you taking equal pride in the number of hours you spend interacting with your family as you do the number of hours you spend at the office? When you think or speak of your accomplishments, do you list your work-related triumphs only?
Know When to Answer that Call From the Office
Some people will tell you that failing to be available when you receive the call to work late, dial in from home, or make the dreaded evening trek back to the office is career suicide and the act of an irresponsible man. Others will tell you that if you answer that call you send a clear message to your family that they are not important to you. Anybody who makes either of these statements is utterly clueless.
Being present does not equal being involved.
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There are times in which it is absolutely appropriate to act in the role of loyal employee, and times in which it is appropriate to act in the role of dedicated family man. The choice you make depends on many factors.
- Is the call from the office about a true, bottom line impacting emergency, or just another nervous Nelly request from your boss?
- Are you at a family event that cannot or will not be repeated in the near future?
- Is there a third option? Can you delay responding for a few hours?
A couple of things to keep in mind. First, nobody ever climbed to the top of the corporate food chain by spinelessly jumping into action every time they received a text from their boss. Second, a household where the father and husband must deal with resentment every time he goes the extra mile for his employer is a household that has its priorities and expectations out of whack.
Focus on Engagement No Matter Where You Are
If you want to balance work and family, your goal should not be focused on number of hours. First, you will never achieve balance if that is how you are going to measure it. Think of one of your slacker co-workers. They are the absolute proof that 40 plus hours a week on the job is no indication of quality or loyalty. The same thing applies to the home. Being present does not equal being involved.
Here’s a simple question; Does your family perceive that you spend enough time with them? If the answer is no, the solution isn’t to juggle and adjust your schedule to give them more time. It also isn’t to pull out your day planner to show them that they are wrong by demonstrating the number of hours that you are home in a given week. The answer is to focus on increasing the amount of interaction that is happening when you are home. Two hours of conversation, game-playing, model-building, etc. will meet emotional needs better than six hours of your uninterested presence.
You can also speak up when people say and do things that push stereotypes about men and family.
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Although you aren’t necessarily trying to keep emotional needs met while you are at work, the same principle still applies. If you are actively engaged in your duties, and you complete tasks in ways that exceed expectations, your tendency to hit the time clock at exactly 5 pm isn’t going to impact your reputation.
Speak Out for Work Policies that are Beneficial to Fathers
While any policy that enables people to spend more time with their family, especially in the event of the birth of a child or a family illness, is a good thing. However, most of these policies focus on the needs of mothers, not the needs of fathers. This goes for policies that are set by the government and in many cases by the company that you work for. Paternity leave, in the United States at least, is still a rarity. When policies are inclusive, men are often not so subtly encouraged not to take advantage of them.
You can make changes in several ways. You can encourage your company to implement policies that are fair and to actively encourage men to use those benefits. You can add your voice of support to public policies that are both pro father and pro mother. You can also speak up when people say and do things that push stereotypes about men and family.
Meet Your Own Needs as Well
Women are often told that they should take care of themselves. They are given the advice that are no good to anybody else if they aren’t emotionally and physically in good condition. Men are rarely given this advice, and that’s a shame. Because, the truth is that you are also of no value to your family or your job if you are unhealthy, unhappy, or verging on burnout. Self care is an important part of achieving balance. This includes making and keeping doctor’s appointments, maintaining friendships, and pursuing interests that are not related to work or family.
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Photo: Getty Images