When a man loves a woman she can wreck havoc with his feelings. Here’s how to make a man feel safe in love.
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Love is one area of a man’s life in which he’s weak more than he’s strong. Many of our actions in relationships are born out of the need to impress or satisfy a woman. As years pass and we move through the more intense phases of a relationship, we carry the load of protecting the woman we gave our hearts to. We put a great deal of pressure on ourselves to maintain an impenetrable coat of armor. Behind that stoicism is the real truth that no man can take the look of disappointment or hurt in a woman’s eyes.
Not if he has a soul.
We may not speak of it, but we have certain areas that if left unfulfilled, can hurt.
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Here’s the thing though — women seldom consider the idea that emotional security is a two way street. Most of the intangibles that a man needs from a woman go unsaid simply because not much is expected from women on that front. We may not speak of it, but we have certain areas that if left unfulfilled, can hurt. Here are just a few situations in which a woman can cause the man in her life to retreat or disconnect:
#1 Complaining when he’s showing honest effort
As adults who gain wisdom with experience and age, we’re better at knowing what we don’t want. Some things are common knowledge, like checking in after a night out or remembering to buy a card and flowers for Valentine’s Day. Other things, men need the time to learn them. It’s unfair for a woman to assume a man “should just know” how to be in a relationship with her. If the man is trying to learn you, don’t be so quick to bite his head off if it takes him some time. If necessary, make it easier for him and give him a cheat code.
#2 Being afraid of initiating intimacy
Women have no qualms about openly lusting over guys like David Beckham, Idris Elba, and any other attractive celebrity. But why is it so difficult to outwardly compliment your man? Not those superficial “babe you look nice today” comments either. You know how it turns you on for your man to look at you and lick his lips like he’s ready to devour you? NEWS FLASH! We want and need to know that you find us sexy. It means something to have the woman you love desire you with the same intensity that you desire her.
#3 Not letting him express himself on his terms
In relationships, men usually try to avoid confrontation because we prefer peace and quiet. I know when I’m passionate about something though, I can go on for hours. Disagreements and arguments are a part of romantic relationships. I think that for some women, they spend so much of their time outside of the house being silenced and demeaned, that in the home, they can come across unnecessarily combative with their man. When things are calm, a man’s silence is read as being disengaged and apathetic. That’s not necessarily true. You can’t force meaningful conversation out of your man. But when he is ready to open up, make sure that you’ve created a comfortable space for him to do so freely.
#4 Not being present in the present moments
For as much as society says that we’re all attached to our phones, social media, and other distractions, women somehow sidestep that blame in relationships. In my previous relationship, my significant other had a different schedule than I. So I’d purposely make sure that I’d get enough work done and handle whatever I had on my to-do list to be available when she needed me. We tried our best to share that schedule. With more women working outside of the home and being the household’s sole breadwinner, their plates are overflowing. They’re wearing many hats and intimacy with their boyfriend or husband might be the area that falls to the wayside. Men can feel abandoned and neglected too. Although we’ll never beg for more time because it’s hard to see the woman we love killing herself to be all things at once. Chalk that up to ego or to a man being compassionate. Just know that your man needs you to make time for him where he isn’t sharing you with something else mentally or emotionally.
The male ego is fragile. That doesn’t infer it needs to be stroked constantly. Protecting a man’s heart the way he does yours begins with you understanding that beyond that facade, every man is capable of being hurt by a woman they truly love.
I never met a woman that would consider my feelings like I do hers.
I’ve only met ones that use me financially and sexually. You guys actually care about women? No you don’t. I read these articles to learn how to eventually destroy some of your egos. You ruin women, and then pretend like it was nothing. You pick out the abused ones, the raped ones, the shy ones, and you destroy them. You find one you love and treat the rest like little fuck toys.
And what are your feelings? Do you take the effort to express them or do you avoid expressing them?
Cheating and accidentally getting caught by your man that truly loves you will ruin him emotionally for years
That sucks. But, how did she look and carry herself? Where you attracted o her physically at first or where you two good friends?
Demeaning or silenced outside of the home?
What a lame delusional reason.
Ohhh,the delusions men suffer.
Hi author. You are like seriously true genius.
Ok…I can see your point totally and can also connect a few incidents that I might have overreacted or misread the situation – but, how about when the women is constantly there as a support but keeps getting mislead or more so keep getting “I am in love with you” to “I want a future with you” to “more uncertainties” … Even giving the man over 2 years and running the relationship mostly on his time and availability – what would your advise be?
Id like to know the answar to that 1 2 maliha
I know right .. I’m still wondering and very close to giving up !!!!!!!
Seriously, you are a genius mate. The things you’ve mentioned are like totally true.
I think your way too praiseworthy of women. With one big exception all women I have known you could be perfect and they still will destroy you.
Great article!
Thanks for this one. Really was an eyeopener after a discussion me and my boyfriend had earlier. This help me understand more what he was telling me. Thank you. 🙂
Wow, found an article on here that is at least in the right direction.
James, thanks for the advice. I will take it to heart for my next relationship.