For the men who need to know how to love an independent woman, here’s an awesome guide.
Many women dream about their wedding days as little girls. I’m not one of those women.
I’m not against romance or settling down, but just as love is an entirely biased experience, so is our approach to it and the way in which we interpret it. Some of us may revel in the idea of a relationship and in the possibility of experiencing “forever” with someone.
However, there are also some of us who revel in the idea of being independent more. For us, the latter group, it’s not necessarily about the comfort we take in being with someone else, but in the comfort we feel in being confident, content and capable — alone or not.
There is not, by any means, anything wrong with being invested in a partnership or enthralled by the idea of intimacy, romance and the future. Deep down, we all long for those things. Rather, I seek to discuss the decidedly independent breed of women, who may have a different approach to dating.
Being independent isn’t always about being alone.
In current society, many women embrace their individualism, and gender roles aren’t such black-and-white matters. Although certain imbalances and deep-rooted sexist undertones still exist, the playing field is definitely more evenly balance than before. Strong, independent women are everywhere. Yet, I have noticed that some men are confused — and occasionally insulted or intimidated — by the whole idea.
Independence shouldn’t make a man feel nervous or any less masculine; a woman’s strength is not a threat to a man’s masculinity. Furthermore, the need for independence doesn’t rely on solidarity because it is not a matter of isolation; it is a state of being.
It is important to understand that a desire for independence doesn’t cease to exist when we choose to be with someone; in fact, it shouldn’t really change at all. Independent individuals are not a feat to be “conquered.” We give and we will take, but we still need to be our own.
Time is valuable.
It seems that a sense of independence and level of ambition go hand in hand. With ambition comes an acquired appreciation for time. We carefully allocate the time we have each day to the things that are most important to us — whether it’s a career, hobbies or otherwise.
The benefit in this is a certain authenticity. In the pursuit to find someone who dedicates his or her time to many things before romance, the time he or she does spend with you is then inspired by a genuine interest. There are likely a number of other things the person could be doing, but ultimately, he or she chose you. Although this is the case in any relationship, it proves to be especially important to those who value independence as an essential part of the identity.
We are not all purely romantic creatures.
We may go about our daily lives with many thoughts on our minds before any ideas of romance reach us. Yet, there seems to be a common misconception that women are entirely relationship-centered and most of what we do revolves around finding a mate.
Despite the often-complicated nature of dating and relationships today, we are not all consumed by it. In fact, for some of us, relationships may take the back burner to a number of ambitions.
Remember that we all have different definitions of what love is, what it means and how it should be nurtured. Refraining from grouping us all into a single category will help to better grasp the individual romantic needs of the person you are hoping to court — especially those of us who may not have even been looking for love in the first place.
The key is to find the balance.
Not every woman wants to be “taken care of” in the traditional sense. Although chivalry certainly should not be dead, I’ve found that some men can become stuck in this idea of being “the man” and “the gentleman” in a way that is, to be entirely honest, antiquated.
A relationship does not call for one caretaker; it requires two. Independent partners want and need exactly that: a true, equal partner.
We may fear vulnerability. We may be difficult at times, stubborn or unwilling to budge in specific ways. We may not express a need for you, but simply a desire and a choice to share our lives with you. We will pursue success in many fields outside of our romantic endeavors, and we will likely encourage you to do the same.
Understand that we are not pushing you away; we are pushing you to grow and move alongside us. The process we take in this is all part of the learning curve to understand the balance between who we are and how that allows us to love.
Independence doesn’t need to be a play for power.
More often than not, a display of independence has nothing to do with an attempted “power play.” Too often, relationships become a struggle for the upper hand more so than an actual partnership. We all tend to buy into this idea that someone needs to come out on top or hold all the cards.
Often, a strong woman can be mistaken for someone who is cold, bitter, plays hard-to-get or just plays games. Although this can sometimes be the case, most of the time, the theory is wrong because it assumes that women dedicate more calculated thought to the courtship than many actually do. An independent women will usually have no qualms about telling you exactly who she is, what she wants and why she wants it — so, if you aren’t sure, just ask.
Of course, it is important to remember that no relationship will be the same and no partner will be, either.
First and foremost, the most important part of any relationship is to develop an understanding of what you ultimately need in someone else. This can take time, a few failed attempts and some brutal honesty. In some cases, a certain “type” of person might not be the right fit for you; perhaps, you won’t be the right fit for someone else.
You can’t always idealize the idea of love; sometimes, you simply have to be realistic about it. Still, independence does not make a person unattainable. If anything, it can lead a person to love even deeper.
If you achieve your own success, you’ll likely only want to share it with the right person.
Originally
Many women dream about their wedding days as little girls. I’m not one of those women.
I’m not against romance or settling down, but just as love is an entirely biased experience, so is our approach to it and the way in which we interpret it. Some of us may revel in the idea of a relationship and in the possibility of experiencing “forever” with someone.
However, there are also some of us who revel in the idea of being independent more. For us, the latter group, it’s not necessarily about the comfort we take in being with someone else, but in the comfort we feel in being confident, content and capable — alone or not.
There is not, by any means, anything wrong with being invested in a partnership or enthralled by the idea of intimacy, romance and the future. Deep down, we all long for those things. Rather, I seek to discuss the decidedly independent breed of women, who may have a different approach to dating.
Being independent isn’t always about being alone.
In current society, many women embrace their individualism, and gender roles aren’t such black-and-white matters. Although certain imbalances and deep-rooted sexist undertones still exist, the playing field is definitely more evenly balance than before. Strong, independent women are everywhere. Yet, I have noticed that some men are confused — and occasionally insulted or intimidated — by the whole idea.
Independence shouldn’t make a man feel nervous or any less masculine; a woman’s strength is not a threat to a man’s masculinity. Furthermore, the need for independence doesn’t rely on solidarity because it is not a matter of isolation; it is a state of being.
It is important to understand that a desire for independence doesn’t cease to exist when we choose to be with someone; in fact, it shouldn’t really change at all. Independent individuals are not a feat to be “conquered.” We give and we will take, but we still need to be our own.
Time is valuable.
It seems that a sense of independence and level of ambition go hand in hand. With ambition comes an acquired appreciation for time. We carefully allocate the time we have each day to the things that are most important to us — whether it’s a career, hobbies or otherwise.
The benefit in this is a certain authenticity. In the pursuit to find someone who dedicates his or her time to many things before romance, the time he or she does spend with you is then inspired by a genuine interest. There are likely a number of other things the person could be doing, but ultimately, he or she chose you. Although this is the case in any relationship, it proves to be especially important to those who value independence as an essential part of the identity.
We are not all purely romantic creatures.
We may go about our daily lives with many thoughts on our minds before any ideas of romance reach us. Yet, there seems to be a common misconception that women are entirely relationship-centered and most of what we do revolves around finding a mate.
Despite the often-complicated nature of dating and relationships today, we are not all consumed by it. In fact, for some of us, relationships may take the back burner to a number of ambitions.
Remember that we all have different definitions of what love is, what it means and how it should be nurtured. Refraining from grouping us all into a single category will help to better grasp the individual romantic needs of the person you are hoping to court — especially those of us who may not have even been looking for love in the first place.
The key is to find the balance.
Not every woman wants to be “taken care of” in the traditional sense. Although chivalry certainly should not be dead, I’ve found that some men can become stuck in this idea of being “the man” and “the gentleman” in a way that is, to be entirely honest, antiquated.
A relationship does not call for one caretaker; it requires two. Independent partners want and need exactly that: a true, equal partner.
We may fear vulnerability. We may be difficult at times, stubborn or unwilling to budge in specific ways. We may not express a need for you, but simply a desire and a choice to share our lives with you. We will pursue success in many fields outside of our romantic endeavors, and we will likely encourage you to do the same.
Understand that we are not pushing you away; we are pushing you to grow and move alongside us. The process we take in this is all part of the learning curve to understand the balance between who we are and how that allows us to love.
Independence doesn’t need to be a play for power.
More often than not, a display of independence has nothing to do with an attempted “power play.” Too often, relationships become a struggle for the upper hand more so than an actual partnership. We all tend to buy into this idea that someone needs to come out on top or hold all the cards.
Often, a strong woman can be mistaken for someone who is cold, bitter, plays hard-to-get or just plays games. Although this can sometimes be the case, most of the time, the theory is wrong because it assumes that women dedicate more calculated thought to the courtship than many actually do. An independent women will usually have no qualms about telling you exactly who she is, what she wants and why she wants it — so, if you aren’t sure, just ask.
Of course, it is important to remember that no relationship will be the same and no partner will be, either.
First and foremost, the most important part of any relationship is to develop an understanding of what you ultimately need in someone else. This can take time, a few failed attempts and some brutal honesty. In some cases, a certain “type” of person might not be the right fit for you; perhaps, you won’t be the right fit for someone else.
You can’t always idealize the idea of love; sometimes, you simply have to be realistic about it. Still, independence does not make a person unattainable. If anything, it can lead a person to love even deeper.
If you achieve your own success, you’ll likely only want to share it with the right person.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo DeusXFlorida Flickr
About the author: Alabama born and Dallas raised, Lauren Ramesbottom is a Health Science and Writing student at the University of Western Ontario. A health and fitness nerd, Lauren has spent the past two years writing articles on various health/humor topics and acting as an Editor in Chief for CDN Entertainment before coming to Elite Daily. A craver of endorphin’s and lover of pugs, coffee and LuLu Lemon, Lauren is always looking for new adventures, new places to go and people to meet while she navigates her way through twenty-something life. She also considers herself walking proof that brunettes actually have more fun. You can find her on Instagram at: @laurenramesbottom
Most of these type of women are really such a waste of time to date. God forbid if you marry one of them.
Re. the “Time is valuabale” (and most any other points):
Any kind of relationships, but I think most of all the allegedly romantic ones, require priority and effort of some kind to function. From all involved. If one person hardly seems to bother, having the other person stand at attention for the beck and call is probably not a recipe for a balanced relationship.
I always find it amusing all the rules and regulations men have to follow, consider and remember to date women and treat their wives etc, etc. It would be super to see women writing lists for other women on how to treat their dates, boyfriends and husband’s. Check your privilege ladies.
Have you considered the possibility that GMP doesn’t have lists about men for women because GMP is a web site for MEN?
You’ll notice that Mythago didn’t exactly specify “on this site” now did they?
But, let’s be honest, GMP has posted plenty of articles that are directed at women, so your point doesn’t hold up regardless.
This is the last place I’d come for advice on how to be a man. Far too infected with feminists. Why would a man turn to such a hateful ideology (I know, i know NAFALT right lol) for direction and guidance?
Mythago, there are litterally millions of article around how to please men articles. Google ” advice about men”. Ontop of that, there is a much bigger market for women who want to learn about men then there is for men who actively pursuing learning about women. The book market alone panders to giving women advice about men because women are the ones who buy such information. Men are apparently not as eager to seek advice about learning about women. This is common knowledge in the publishing industry. Up until GMP came along, most of the articles I saw that were… Read more »
Erin-classic feminist response. Look at you and all your shaming tactics. Most men according to you are porn addled juveniles in need of correct feminist direction. You think we can’t think for ourselves and turn to maxim magazine. Feminism can have it’s manginas and beta males, but you won’t get me or my son. No white ribbons for me and my boy thank you very much.
Mythago, plus 5 for name calling while accusing me of “shaming tactics”. Well done Sir! “Classic feminist response” – used to shame feminists and conversation. “Maginas” – Used to shame other men who support feminism. “beta males” – Used to shame any man you consider less “manly” just because you said so. And you say I’m using shaming tactics! What, please explain, are you using? I didn’t even have any name calling in my post. I actually said nothing about most men being porn addled juveniles. What I did say is that most men probably spend more time viewing pornography… Read more »
This article is about women, women who maybe some men would be interested in. Women many times are part of men’s lives, and knowing more about them does not mean at all being told “how to be a man”. Did you read the article? What did you not agree with? What is unfair to men? Or are you just so obsessed with your anti-feminism ideology that everything a woman says is automatically against you and any other man, any woman who disagrees with you is a feminist and should not be heard anymore and anything about women is just a… Read more »
Everyone’s entitled to their opinions and preferences.
But this article telling us how to date independent women, basically tells us that it is to be done on her terms alone. And sure, any independant woman is also entitled to her opinins and preferences. But the question is, why would I be interested in someone who is’t interested in me?
These are all very good reminders for a man looking for a romantic relationship with ANY woman, really.
One question about terminology, though. If there’s a special category called “independent women,” when what would you call the women not in that category?
If a woman is not an independent woman, then she is a(n) ___?___ woman.
dependent?
weak?
(I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who was not an independent person.)
Wellokaythen, thanks for saying that! Awesome thoughts. I’ve reflected on our use of the word “independent” in our culture and we use it culturally to the point that asking for help whether you’re a man or woman is seen as a point of weakness or dependenability. I also look at my Grandmother and Grandfather’s relationship. It was very traditional and he made the money. The family and her was dependent on him for that but she was a tough lady who took care of 5 kids. So was she dependent or independent? I tend to think she was still independent… Read more »