Hard lessons over the years have taught me many things.
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I was so stubborn that some of them had to be learned more than once. Hindsight is always 20/20, so they say. And, there is nothing that will cut deeper than knowing multiple near perfect women have come and gone out of my life because of simple ignorance, and stubbornness that could have been entirely avoided if I would have taken the time to listen to them, or learn from the mistakes of others. I am also grateful to all of them because if any single one had continued to put up with the way that I was, I wouldn’t have become the person that I am today.
One of the worst mistakes I made was blowing her off.
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Today, I am still not perfect, but I constantly review the mistakes of my past and observe those being made around me to use as a tool to create a better version of myself every day in both my personal and business relationships. Mistakes are important to achieving success, but I have chosen to limit the ones I make as much as possible, and I hope the mistakes I share help you avoid losing a woman you love.
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Blowing her off when she has a problem.
One of the worst mistakes I made was blowing her off when she was trying to bring up something that was bothering her. I always had some other priority, work, projects, or I just really didn’t want to hear it. If I would have just listened for five to ten minutes, taken more time to understand her point of view, then take some action to improve, most everything with the relationship would have been smooth sailing. Blowing her off gave her the impression that I didn’t care, or take her seriously.
If you worked a long shift, and she brings up something bothering her in bed at 11 pm when you’re trying to get some sleep, take the time to listen, it won’t take her long to get it out, and then you can request some time to think about whatever the issue is. The important thing is to listen, no matter what!
Too much Xbox.
There is nothing wrong with being a gamer, and if she enjoys doing it with you, share that time together. My gaming habits interfered with spending quality time with her, and that is a problem. I had a group of friends around the country, and we could play modern warfare all—day—long(and sometimes all night). What I have learned is that if I am in a relationship with someone, they deserve attention. Competing with a gaming console is not an option; she should never go to bed alone because I am playing a video game.
Making a joke when she asked why I love her.
She does not want to hear about her breasts being the top reason, trust me on this. Even though I thought it was funny, and I meant it as a compliment. It’s not what she wanted to hear. If a girl asks you this question, it’s because she doesn’t feel that you love her, and she is looking for some sincere reasons to keep giving up her time. There could be a severe problem if you get this question, take it seriously.
Not inviting her to go out with me and my friends.
Every guy may need some time out with friends, and just because you invite her doesn’t mean she will go every time. The invite will make her feel that her presence is important to you, and if it’s a younger relationship may give her some reassurance that no shady business is going on. You may disagree, but I will always invite the person I am in a relationship with to anything I may be doing. I will never exclude her just because I’m hanging out with my guy friends.
Telling her she is too emotional.
I have mentioned this in previous writings, but the importance of this is astronomical. I have learned that she may seem “too emotional” because she cares a lot. Never again will I make a woman feel there is something wrong with her because she expresses her emotions. When the emotions start to disappear from the picture, you’re not too far behind.
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Photo: Flickr/ erin m
I have read your other articles and really liked what I read simple yet sound advice. While the previous poster had a point, this article didn’t strike a wow factor for me either but It does still hit key points. However I do enjoy your articles and hope to continue to read more from you, and this is coming from a woman’s point of view. By the way, that comment made about why you loved her…..don’t you think at the time it was a bit out of line? Regardless I suppose, lesson learned. Looking forward to your next article.
Ok, so I’ve been looking for help on the internet for my relationship that isn’t working, and I come across this. The thing that really got me hooked was “if I would have taken the time to listen to them, or learn from the mistakes of others.” so I thought “Ok, this guy might have some great insights” But as I read through your text, I went like “WHAT THE FUCK”. Those are BASIC things, anyone who broke these rules with me would at least get me VERY upset. I mean, I’m astonished that there are people (and not a… Read more »