Shelly Bullard appreciates a lot of things about guys, but here are the five things she finds hottest.
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There’s a reason you’re attracted to certain people. One of those reasons is whether or not that person is masculine or feminine.
We’re most strongly sexually attracted to people who have the opposite sexual essence of our own. This is not a male-female thing (you can be a man who identifies as more feminine, and vice versa); it’s more about energy.
What this means is that the traits that make you distinctly masculine are the traits that attracts the feminine the most.
By no means am I saying that as a man, you must have these qualities to appear attractive to a female. Nor am I saying that every woman is going to want a man with the qualities that I describe below. But I’m saying that a lot of women do.
Here are five distinctly masculine traits that the feminine finds irresistible:
1. Presence
There is something about a man who is present that is just flat-out irresistible to a woman. There’s no getting around it; it’s just true.
What I mean when I say presence is your ability to be consciously connected to the here and now.
A woman can feel your presence when you listen to her. She can feel your presence when you are deeply engaged in a task that ‘s important to you. She can feel your presence when you’re connected to your core.
Presence is a practice. It’s something you can get better at. Culturally, we’re in an epidemic of not being present; we find many ways to distract ourselves all day long. But if you want to learn to be more present, you can! The easiest way to do so is to start a meditation practice. Meditation will train you to connect to the here and now.
2. Purpose
A man with a purpose in life is hot.
Your purpose can be any number of things. It can be to change the world. It can be to push your body to its limits. It can be to build a business or build homes. It can be to be to make art, or to be the kindest person you know.
It’s not about what your purpose is (although, honestly, the more it benefits humanity, the better — but that’s just my opinion). What matters is that you have a purpose or that you’re in the process of discovering it.
If you don’t feel connected to your purpose yet, the best way to find it is to ask yourself what you’re most passionate about. Your purpose is usually about sharing your passion with the world.
3. Direction
With purpose comes direction. Purpose is knowing what you are here to do and direction is doing it.
The feminine essence is more an essence of feeling and being. Yes, we do things (most of us do a lot!). But we’re very attracted to men who get things done. He has a plan, and he’s taking steps (even small ones) to accomplish it. This is a man’s direction.
Your clear direction makes the feminine feel safe. If she knows that you can navigate well on your own, then she has more room to relax in your presence. She doesn’t have to show you how to do it, because you already know how. (We like that.)
4. Honesty and trust
Obviously, trust and honesty are important qualities in all relationships. Trust comes from acting in honest ways, but the definition goes beyond that. What I mean when I say trust is, can a woman trust that you’re being honest with yourself?
One of the distinct feminine qualities is intuition — and with our intuition comes the ability to sense your BS from a mile away.
When you learn to be deeply honest with yourself (about your struggles, shortcomings, challenges, strengths, all of it), then a woman will feel your integrity. And she’ll trust you, too.
5. Humor
As you already know, humor is at the top of every woman’s list for a potential partner. But why is this? Because humor has the ability to lighten a mood!
The feminine gets bogged down with her emotions, as well as her to-do lists. This is very stressful for us! If you can make a woman laugh, it’s a gateway to flow. Women are very grateful for your ability to add joy and light to day-to-day life.
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For all you men out there, keep in mind that your masculinity is a gift, to your partner and to the world. It is part of what makes you uniquely you. We appreciate the ways you’re different from us.
In the comments below, women, please share with us the qualities of the masculine that you appreciate the most, and men please tell the masculine qualities that you appreciate most about yourself. I look forward to hearing from all of you!
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This article originally appeared on MindBodyGreen.
Photo credit: kelley_leigh/flickr
1. Huge Bank account
2. Huge something else
3. Great abs
4. Position of power
5. Huge bank account
James, wrong on all five counts for women of substance. For superficial divas, maybe so.
you are right bro
I put no trust in women’s intuition.
My wife once told me she chose me because
I was caring and compassionate.
Now, those traits are why she hates me.
Now I try to be a hardass and she hates me
even more. WTF? I give up.
Women’s intuition can be wrong from time-to-time. My intuition when I read your post is that it may be helpful to ask your wife to write down exactly what is making her so reactive to you, what her needs are from you, and how she wants you to fulfill her needs. Then ask her to send it to you. Post it on the fridge like a checklist. Then point out to her when she gets reactive that you are following her instructions and requests and making an effort. Hopefully that will help. Sometimes in relationships it is best to sort… Read more »
Most attractions are determined by personal preference. Depending on a person’s temperament and what they may be seeking in a relationship, their attraction triggers will vary. Also, what one person finds in a man as proof of purpose and presence, another may not see it at all. Perception varies between people. The 5 traits listed are ones that the majority of women will say are desirable. However, there are often variations among the data pool the larger it gets, of whether these top 5 traits are universally reported as being on the top of a woman’s wish list. In the… Read more »
Erin, As a general rule, women insist they don’t/never would objectify. Only those evil menz. More importantly, Harley gets so much female attention– as long as he has a stubble, a leather jacket, a bike, (metaphorically speaking) and attitude–and never mind the cheekbones, that other guys will remark on the phenomenon. As one commenter noted, Harley has four of five of the attractive characteristics, and 80% is pretty good. What he lacks, trust and honesty, is where the drama and excitement come in. As a personal list about what the writer finds attractive, this is perfectly acceptable. As an implied… Read more »
First Richard, let me address the sarcasm of the “evil menz” comments. I see this phrase thrown around any time men don’t like being called out for bad behavior. There is a huge difference between being honest about how men OFTEN objectify women (and if you are honest with yourself, you would agree with that) and saying men are evil. So please don’t mock women’s concern for how men objectifying them because you may not like hearing women’s experience with male objectification and their dislike for how men may treat women. Secondly, I don’t think women are immune to objectifying… Read more »
I read your comments a lot because I’ll often go to say the same thing and realize that:
1. You beat me to it and;
2. You articulate it better than I could.
Thank you <3
“The Superior Man” This starts at birth! My father and his father always told him, a man’s word needs no signature. Sounds simple, let me give an example. A politician, he gives his word to his voters that if elected he will ‘do this and that’, however when he gets in Washington, gets paid by lobbyists to maintain Corporatism against the American people to benefit the few, which is why voters are electing a new person trusting his word. This shows a lack of integrity, personal pride, lack of self respect and inability to be a real man and stand… Read more »
Yup.
This article is basically a summary of David Deida’s masterpiece “The way of the superior man “
In my experience, all of these things are post hoc rationalizations, the stories women tell themselves about why they’re attracted to a man. Especially humor. It’s so subjective, and the same joke that kills when told by an attractive guy falls flat when he’s not attractive. People engage in these confabulations to explain their unconscious preferences all the time, in all aspects of life. These qualities are all so subjective, it’s very easy to see them where you wish to see them. But, applied to an unattractive man, this same list of qualities is: 1. Creepy Paying too-close attention; wish… Read more »
Exactly.
People see what they want to see. What a person wants intellectually is sometimes not what they are emotionally attracted to. That is the challenge, having the head and heart on the same page.
Bad boys often have 4 of these 5 qualities. They fail at honesty and trust. They often excel at direction, purpose, presence and even humor. Good boys are great at trust and honesty, but may need to work on other qualities, e.g presence or humor. There are reasons why some people attract others, and some don’t. If you are a trustworthy guy but come across as distracted, humorless, or without passion, it will be hard for others to connect with you.
Zeta Males and MGTOWs don’t care about lists.
Wes: Zeta Males and MGTOWs don’t care about lists.
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I like what they say on Cheesyballs:
http://bit.ly/1nVUZW3
“A woman can feel your presence when you listen to her…”
So true…I think that’s why I find my doctor so devastating….just that full on attention and eye contact…and just listening….not rushing through the visit….just picking up on the nuance of what I am saying…and just being empathetic…
Excellent, Shelley. Very well written as well as your whole ebook. Yep, downloaded it already.
I have some lady clients who need to sign up and read it too.
My favorite masculine quality? Picking her literally and figuratively after a rotten day at work. Letting her know that tomorrow will be better. Supporting her efforts to get a new job. Doing all that while she can feel, hear, see, taste, and smell the male parts of me she claims to enjoy….and some she hasn’t admitted to.
This all very rosy nice and romantic.
But there is no escape of the genetic disposition for hypergamy that will ultimately direct the affection.
That’s the way it is. I’m not judging. Just illuminating.
Money didn’t make the list? Cmon now…
Incredible to notice most women are not prostitutes and could care less about your money, right? That is why we should not judge everyone for our own family members.
Only true if you are looking for that kind of woman that would like a sexy felon type as a partner. I doubt that most “good women” are looking for that type of man. The majority of us women are not like that. We may find Mr. Sexy Felon cute to look at (in a photo) and might be out there joking about it on social media, but we would never choose that kind of man as a partner, precisely because we value presence, purpose, direction, honesty and trust, all of which Mr. Harley McBadboy does not have.
but we would never choose that kind of man as a partner
I guess that mostly depends on what kind of partner(ship) you are looking for
Anon, I agree with you when you said “I doubt that most “good women” are looking for that type of man. But I do think women need to have responsibility for what they are saying on social media, as men do, and if a woman is going all gaga over that felon, I don’t blame him for being like “WTF”. Honestly, I’m a woman and I don’t get the craze that guy started. And I don’t think it’s fair for women to say things about him, even “joking” but expect men to understand what they really mean. I don’t find… Read more »