For all the women looking for an evolved man and all the men trying to live up to the standard.
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For eight years I’ve been calling in a life partner…
Why did it take me so long? Because I was searching for the elusive “evolved man” – a mythical creature that exists in the dreamy minds of Goddess-type women who preach atop sparkly pedestals claiming they are not “being met” by the men they are currently dating.
I desired a partner who is remarkable, like me. And I would not settle for less until I found “him”… a man who is dedicated to a path of personal evolution, has a high vision of the life he wishes to live, and lives into it every day.
Yeah right, like I am perfect and evolved!
But I AM capable and willing to do “the work” to be a better human, so I figured my mate should be the same way.
What the heck is an “evolved man”, anyways?
1. A man who has conquered his own emotional, spiritual and personal growth work and takes responsibility for his life.
2. A man who is true to his word, takes action and lives with integrity.
3. A man who loves himself so much that he cares for his body, his health, his finances, his home and keeps all aspects of his life in tip top shape.
4. A man who has mastered the fine skills of energetic lovemaking, meditation, yoga, ecstatic dance and can give me orgasms with one glance of his eyes.
5. A man who has “done the work” to be a better person and has his diplomas from The Good Men Project, Landmark, Tony Robbins, and Deepak Chopra on the wall to prove it.
Well guess what, ladies. Once you find a man like this, you better be scared shitless. Here’s why:
1. No matter how many Ester-Hicks affirmations you have posted on your bathroom mirror, in the presence of a remarkable evolved man ALL your emotional, spiritual and personal baggage will climb out from the dark corners of your mind. There is no space in this relationship for you to fall back on old stories of how you were once done wrong by an “un-evolved man” in the past. Be prepared for your personal shit to be stirred and smeared on your holy mirror and accept that only YOU are responsible for how you will respond to your “triggers”. He will hold you accountable and will not settle for your emotional, self-righteous rants.
2. It’s easy to make a list of all the ways YOU think you are impeccable with your word, but an evolved man will hold a mirror to your soul and reveal all your blind spots. If he says he will pick you up at 8pm, he will show up on time – while you are still in the bathroom sticking just a few more sparkle bindis on your forehead, which means YOU are late. You complain that your car needs an oil change and post on Facebook that you are “manifesting a mechanic who will trade for crystals”, while he is already under the hood getting it done. You have a dusty vision board on your wall with photos of dreams you wish to achieve, while he is busy making shit happen. Time to step it up!
3. Sure, I generally eat healthy (with a daily side of wine and cheese) and somehow get my rent paid at the end of each month, but am I really living up to my fullest potential? I desired a man who is stable and wealthy, in tip top shape, cooks gourmet farmers market organic meals every night and lives in my future dream home that I would eventually move into and make our own… while I was frankly broke, flabby, living in a ghetto apartment and eating In-n-Out Burgers on Wednesday nights in front of the TV. When you meet your dream man, prepare to start scrambling to clean up your life!
4. My previous boyfriend didn’t know a lick of yoga, thought chakras were bullshit, and spent his days stalking hippies on the internet to prove their motivational message memes were wrong. This left me doing my Tantra yoga poses and prayer circles on my own, and we eventually broke up because he wasn’t “spiritual enough”. Then enters Mr. Evolved Man who gets up at the crack of dawn every single fucking morning to meditate, hits Bikram three times a week, and can run circles around you doing handstands while you are still sipping on your Starbucks after your once a month ecstatic dance class. Wiping the dust out of your eyes, you begrudgingly buy that unlimited monthly pass card for the yoga studio down the street so you can keep up with him.
5. You boast that you were a keynote speaker at Lightning in a Bottle last year at the Yoga Dome. You don’t need any more self-help diplomas, YOU are the expert now! In the meantime HE is a student of life, always learning, always growing, always seeking new inspiration and perspective from his mentors because he knows that NOT KNOWING is a place of power. He accepts that he is a work in progress and loves you just the way you are… then signs you up for a year of Landmark education that kicks your spiritual ass to the ground.
Yes, you may think you have the upper hand as a Goddess-type woman who is already “evolved”, because a lot of “dudes” out there still don’t get it. But until you accept that you have tons to learn from someone else and that their life accomplishments are amazingly different than your own, you will never be met.
There is no such thing as an “evolved man”!
Look instead for someone who is in the process of “evolv-ING” – and when you find him take his hand that is reaching for yours, step off your damn Goddess pedestal and climb up the steep road of life together as partners who can support one another along the way.
And if you are not scared shitless, you are doing it wrong.
With love,
Scarlet Amor
P.S. A huge piece that helped me find an “evolved man” was healing my heart after my last break up. Read more about my journey here!
Originally published on ScarletAmor.com
I could barely get to the core concept here through the forest of name dropping and new-age pretentiousness. I guess the point is that we should be able and willing to step it up when we finally meet a man who is our spiritual, intellectual, and moral equal. But, damn, the tone of this was so very off-putting and self-righteous, I can’t even discern any practical knowledge or advice from it.
Thank you so much for writing this piece. I appreciate how you used sarcasm to point out the double standards that the Goddess personality type hold (see relationship needs for Princesses and Queens, looking for a prince charming or a knightly king).
More people need to understand that we are all flawed – excuse me – “evolving” – and stay humble to the process. Stay off the high horse if you want to attract someone who is determined to create themselves – and by process, the world – into their own image.
Being wealthy and being evolved in this culture are non-congruent. In order to be wealthy in this world you have to be a narcissist, at the very minimum. You have to be unscrupulous. You have to be a taker and a conqueror. A truly evolved person recognizes and rejects the current economic system and isn’t materialistic either.
Perhaps yet another mirror check is in order.
If you’re approaching any of it with more gravity than a non-proliferation agreement, well, you might catch your tail one day.
There’s no time on the path not to stop and smell the roses.
Or draw in the mud with sticks.
Or splash about in puddles laughing hysterically.
Presuming you’ve got your basic shit together (you can afford an apartment and food, even if it’s fast), and you’re both legitimately of this bent, then you should be too busy laughing to analyze too much.
I’m still not sure what to think about this article. Personally I try to be a better man every day, pay attention to keeping my word, living up to certain standards that I set for myself. But this is not a decision that you take over night, but a long journey that is best when shared with a partner. We all have our ups and downs and my girlfriend and I definitely feel more connected when we “do the work” together. Struggle together, succeed together.
As soon as you used the word “evolved” you lost. We all have skeletons. You want someone who drinks fair trade coffee and does bikram yoga? Fine, get him. Everything in life is marketing and I’m laughing at you worrying about measuring up to “evolved man”. Guess what, he’s probably watching fisting videos on youporn before he goes to bed at night. No one is perfect. We all have shit. Find someone you love.
Errr…I hardly doubt most women are looking for “perfection”. I also highly doubt that most women are looking for a man that watches and enjoys the sexual abuse of women’s bodies for men’s pleasure either. There is an inbetween in there that you are missing. It is disturbing how casually we accept the sexual abuse of women’s bodies today though. Maybe men should lay off ‘youporn’ and start to look for material that teaches them how to *truly* interact with women. For the well being of all our heterosexual relationships, please keep this in mind.
Thank you for demonising sex acts as abuse simply because they are not something you enjoy. Or is it porn itself that you deem abusive? In any case…judge less. Kinksters are people too, and entitled to enjoy what they enjoy with their consenting, human, adult partners.
Be careful what you wish for! For of a man has done the work to be so evolved to provide for one female, he has done the work to provide for each and every female on the planet. Now having achieved this, he has the right to chose any of the available half of the population. The chance that this is you, is about the same as winning the lotto.
I love it! I wouldn’t say I am an ‘evolved man’ by any means, although I am on a personal, emotional and spiritual journey. I have seen that when I have light bulb moments about myself and this causes a step change in how I hold myself and my integrity that others around me either love it or fear it. I have a number of strong headed women in my life that are amazing friends, that either thrive on conversing with me over deep emotional topics or simply can’t keep up. It’s very broad the range of responses, but it… Read more »
Very good article, although I couldn’t help but wince at the idea of Deepak Chopra handing out diplomas for anything except joke of the year…
Yes, we’ve learned a lot in the last years, but we don’t need diplomas on the wall to prove nothing to anyone.
indeed!
I strongly dislike the term “evolved”, or even “evolving”. It presumes a hierarchy between those of us who’ve done the work and those who haven’t. We are all in this together. Yes, I pay impeccable attention to keeping my word but, as a man who adores feminine women, I am only one broken promise away from winding up in the same doghouse as the guys who never keep their word. To paraphrase David Deida, my track record is meaningless to her in that moment that I am out of integrity.
After reading all those pretentious “Evolved Man” relationship articles from untouchable Goddess-type women seeking the perfect Conscious Man, I decided to offer a raw perspective on what happened once I meet one. The sarcasm is intentional, but the underlying message is vulnerable and honest. #truestory Curious to hear from TGMP male readers about your experiences on how you have sent your lovers scrambling to keep up with you? What are some of the challenges you have faced in being with a Goddess-type woman? How do you meet in the middle and walk the path of personal evolution together? xox ~… Read more »
Great article, Scarlet! So interesting to read the reactions, too.
To answer your question, I personally would not date a Goddess-type woman. I find the whole thing pretentious and grandiose. Spiritually immature. I’m interested in women not who have ‘done their work,’ but who are ‘doing their work,’ just like me. With the humility to recognize that they are human beings, not deities.
I really appreciate how you owned your own humanness here and shared your story humorously.