Love her or hate her, the alpha woman is a misunderstood lady, both by women and men alike.
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You´re either married to her, in love with her or would like to date her. She fascinates or intimidates you. Do you sometimes secretly wish she would “tone it down some.”?
The alpha woman believes in herself.
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Love her or hate her, the alpha woman is a misunderstood lady, both by women and men alike. But first let’s settle the question of what is an alpha person anyway?
The freedictionary.com describes alpha in relation to humans as:
- Having the highest rank of its sex in a dominance hierarchy: the alpha female.
- Being the most prominent talented, or aggressive person in a group: the alpha male of investment bankers
Let’s consider our alpha woman in this article as a hybrid of A and B. Basically, the term alpha woman is often regarded with a negative touch. Many men think of her as a manipulative, controlling, loud-mouthed and angry feminist who has no respect for men. Granted some alpha women portray the negative traits, but there is the positive side of alpha women that we wish men knew. So here goes.
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It’s a State of Mind. Taking the initiative comes almost naturally to the alpha women. Especially when there is leadership vacuum; taking charge comes by instinct. She is goal oriented. A go-getter who isn’t out to undermine your role as the man or “head of the home” on purpose. But if there are critical and urgent decisions to be made, and you dilly dally, the alpha woman will not shy away from leadership roles. This responsibility to take charge can be an inborn personality trait that’s been developed or acquired through life experiences.
Confidence. A positive quality that’s often confused with arrogance, pride or rudeness. The alpha woman believes in herself. While she´s happy about who she is, what she can and can´t do, she also respects where others are in life and doesn’t have to put men down to feel validated. Satisfied with who she is, she has no desire to compare herself with anyone or with you as her man. In fact, she can be your biggest supporter and wishes you wouldn’t be intimidated by her success. She wants to complement you, not compete with you.
High maintenance. Men often assume the alpha woman expects too much. Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on who’s perspective it is. She has often been accused of being too choosy when in reality high standards are what the alpha woman has. She’s far from perfect, but just not willing to settle. Not settle for good enough self, good enough job, good-enough life, or even Mr. Good-enough. She knows what she wants, and she goes after it. Unapologetically. The alpha woman would rather wait than settle. The high standards are not to measure or disqualify you as a man, but rather to gauge herself against her proverbial glass ceiling that she has fun breaking.
Caring yet not bossy to the people who allow us to lead them.
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Strong–willed. But not forceful. She may not even have any real muscles to flex. Hers is an inner strength that doesn’t feed off the weaknesses of other women or beta males. Alpha women are not power-hungry bullies running around in pin-striped suits trying to dominate men. On the contrary. We are open-minded, but also know what we don’t want. No. We will not “tone it down” and be miserable pretending to be who we are not just to avoid intimidating men. We are supportive but firm. Caring yet not bossy to the people who allow us to lead them. Because we know being an alpha anything is a responsibility, not a right to abuse, and we want to support others achieve their success.
Feminine. An alpha woman is a lady. She’s comfortable in her skin and feminine role appreciating the differences between men and women. The alpha woman is not ashamed to say she wants a man to love, protect and provide for her. But she can also thrive on her own. Yes, she can kill her snakes and change the leaking sink faucet, but she will be happy if you do it for her. She can play the men are from Mars, women are from Venus roles well.
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You go hunting she will do the nurturing. No need for power struggles. Just know when the need arises, your alpha woman will rip off the cooking apron, slip into her heels and act out the leadership qualities by default. Yes, she is loyal to her man and respects him. But pushing her around or expecting her to follow you when you clearly don’t seem to know where your are leading her to, is not going to work. It just goes against her natural alpha woman instincts.
What do you wish the alpha woman knew about you?
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Photo: Flickr/ Michael Jones
Very helpful for my relationship with my partner who I’m going to marry soon.
Thank you !
This whole idea of alpha women sounds really funny kind of imitation of hyena’s behaviour.
Wonderful insights
I liked the article Nancy, as someone in a relationship with an alpha woman I had a question. How does any “Alpha” person deal with their aversion to “settling” with the natural necessity of compromise? I’ve never heard of high-standards maintaining a relationship.
Bo, thats a good question…hard to answer for other “Alphas” though 🙂 But as far as high standards with relationships, my intentions are normally to set the standards for myself, not on the other person. (Doesn’t always work out flawlessly) lol! But I ask myself, what can I do on my end to make the relationship better? Communication is BIG…When we can talk about expectations and whats possible then balanced two-way compromise is part of any healthy relationship. Accepting each others good, bad, flaws, warts and PMS comes with the territory. All the best with your alpha lady…
Great article Nancy, well written!
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
Alpha women = good, alpha man = bad. enough said
Welcome to the NeoGender roles, where women are able to do and be whatever they want, and men are able to do and be whatever women want.
And if you’re not, then you’re a misogynist.
Interesting perspective, had to read it twice to get the last bit…Its never that serious 🙂
I concur…
Not all the time…