Think your relationship could do with some improvements? These 5 tips will help you keep things going strong.
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“How are you?”
“I’m ‘fine.'”
Men, she’s not “ok,”it’s not “fine,” and you should worry about it. Men were never required to take a class on how women operate, especially communicate. Miscommunication, which can lead to not meeting the needs of your partner, can mean the end of your relationship. The following 5 tips may not bring you any closer to understanding how women operate, but they can help you avoid miscommunication, reduce conflict, and improve your relationship.
1) Listen- instead of solve
Women are just as good at solving problems as men, but they approach it differently.
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Men, when women approach you with a problem, spend time listening to the intricacies of the issue. Listen first, solve later. Men have a tendency to dominate and to assume authority in a problem solving process. They want to solve a problem as efficiently as possible. “For most men, solving a problem presents an opportunity to demonstrate their competence, their strength of resolve, and their commitment to a relationship” (oregoncounseling). Women are just as good at solving problems as men, but they approach it differently. Their goal is focused on exploring and deepening the personal relationship while they work on the problem. Women view problems as a symbol of the relationship. Focus on taking the time to show you care about the issue, and less time on trying to find a solution.
2) Decide- instead of trying to please
Starting now, make decisions. Modern day masculinity has somehow developed the idea that men cannot inconvenience women. Thus, some men find it difficult to make decisions in a relationship without the woman’s approval. It starts as neither person wanting to inconvenience the other, but eventually turns into argument. If she really doesn’t like it, she’ll tell you. Ultimately, your decision doesn’t matter. She really just wants to spend time with you.
3) Comfort- instead of continuing to fight
Your woman’s sexual pleasure is your priority and responsibility.
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The relationship between you and your partner is more important than any problem. Men instinctively leave, or fight back (fight or flight) when faced with aggression or frustration. Women are wired to respond and view any problem as a window into the relationship. Problems, first and foremost, are a social issue. The actual problem comes second to the health of the relationship. Comfort, assurance, and listening display that the relationship is healthy and will stay intact throughout the conflict. This is especially true if the conflict is between your partner and yourself.
4) Focus on her pleasure- instead of finishing first
Your woman’s sexual pleasure is your priority and responsibility. Studies show that it takes men and women roughly the same amount of time to reach orgasm during masturbation (2-3 minutes for men, and little less than 4 minutes for women). A larger difference is seen in the time it takes men and women to reach orgasm during foreplay and vaginal intercourse. On average, women take 10-20 minutes to reach orgasm, which men average 2-3 minutes after beginning intercourse. Other than improving your stamina, men can make up for the time difference if they focus more on foreplay. Pleasing her in this one area will positively affect all the others.
5) Define the relationship- instead of letting her imagine
Be honest to avoid conflict. Either way your relationship is going to be defined. If you don’t define the relationship, she will. Eventually, mis-defined relationships clash and one of you is going to feel hurt and possibly disrespected. It is easier to define a relationship in the beginning and update it as the relationship progresses, than deal with the eventual fall-out.
Women and men communicate differently. In order to avoid miscommunication, one needs to understand the differences. It may be hard to go against your initial instincts, but the previous 5 tips will help you communicate, reduce conflict, and improve your relationships.
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This article was originally published on Examiner and is republished on Medium. Read the original article.
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Hello Benjamin
Its a usefull tips for men how to make happy to your partner..all the tips are so good.I realy agree with your fourth point “Focus on her pleasure- instead of finishing first”. If i take care on her pleasure than she will be more happy , its my personal experience. I share one more experience that Long distance relationship can work as a biggest test of any relation and this will surely going to test the endurance of your relationship too.
Thanks