How a man feels about his body often both informs and reflects how he feels about himself. Here’s how to make that better.
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More and more men are finding themselves struggling with body image. In a time when image is becoming more important to society as a gauge of a person’s value, and therefore a measurement of self-worth for many people, I see it impacting men more than ever.
Your body itself isn’t causing the issue, it may be triggering these feelings and beliefs, but ultimately what you are saying to yourself about your body is the issue.
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With a rise in body building activities, steroid use among males, and heightened expectations of male beauty we have to acknowledge there’s a problem.
When I asked men why they don’t share and discuss their body Image issues with other men, they say that their friends crack jokes and they wouldn’t want to give them ammunition.
Men, unlike woman, tend not to get vulnerable with each other and share their intimate fears with each other, so they don’t get the support of peers or the reality check female friends tend to give each other about most issues. This in turn creates a feeling of isolation as well as insecurity, which further reinforces the negative feelings they have about their bodies.
Men don’t bond like woman, so they don’t express like woman either, but men feel just as much as woman and their feelings about body image are no exception.
Inspired by a British study that showed that four out of five men are unhappy with their bodies, I want to share some coaching based strategies that can be practiced and implemented to improve the relationship you have with your body.
Your body and your thinking
Your body itself isn’t causing the issue, it may be triggering these feelings and beliefs, but ultimately what you are saying to yourself about your body is the issue.
The way to redirect this is to focus on what you do like about your body, what the people who love you compliment you on, and maybe even seek out private help around your thinking, instead of trying to ignore it.
Your body can be improved, that doesn’t always mean it needs to be
Your body can always be improved, in fact everyone’s can be. That doesn’t necessarily mean it needs to be or that you are less attractive if you don’t. Perfection is not a measuring stick you want to stand next to.
An alternative option is to look at what you have already approved or focus on an achievable goal that is also fun to achieve.
Self-care is sexy
How you treat your body tells people a lot about how you feel about yourself. The choices you are making probably have a bigger impact on your image than you realize. While you’re busy getting caught up in thinking badly about your body, you are probably making choices that reinforce this negative self-belief. Start making choices that are good for you and your positive body feelings of will increase.
These can include gentle exercise, better fitting clothes, moisturizing your skin, eating well, wearing nice-smelling fragrances, new socks and jocks, drinking/smoking less. These things support your self-love approach.
Stop comparing
As long as you are always comparing you will always find someone fitter than you, sexier than you, stronger than you, better endowed than you, more attractive than you, taller than you, and so on. That is none of your business though, it distracts you from the most important thing, which is you! If you are busy comparing then you can never truly appreciate who you are and what you have, which simply robs you of your own self-worth.
You are so much more than just your body, you are a friend, lover, brother, colleague, and so on, you are personality and soul.
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You likely compare your worst best to others best bits too, and that’s just not accurate. Coming to grips with a good version of reality, instead of a false version of perfection will support your body image. An alternative is to make a list of things you love and appreciate or a list of what others have complimented you on before.
See yourself holistically
Don’t focus on one perceived flaw and stop valuing other qualities. You are so much more than just your body, you are a friend, lover, brother, colleague, and so on, you are personality and soul.
Start seeing yourself in a much bigger way, looking at yourself and the positive impact you have on people in your life. Your body image is reflecting something much deeper, acknowledge that and heal it, so you can finally enjoy the body you have and treat it in a way that it loves you back!
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Photo: Getty Images
Thanks for both a realistic and a compassionate article. As a man who has never been physically fit, sexy, well-endowed, attractive, or desirable, I am trying to take in what you say here; though it is not so easy.
Hey Rich,
Maybe according to YOUR preferences you aren’t attractive, well-endowed or sexy but that doesn’t mean that is actually a fact.
One thing I would recommend is you write a list of what you are, the qualities, friends, family, lovers/ex lover , work colleagues would say you are!
Every man I have ever met has something good about them, I think its a case of embracing those rather than focusing on what your not!
Best of luck with it,
Sile