Paul Hudson is about to blow your mind: The best first dates should include keeping your wallet in your pocket.
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By Paul Hudson
Dating can be insanely expensive. The drinks, the food, the attractions… all of it costs a pretty penny. And for what? For the rare possibility that the person is worth it? Pointless.
When it comes to dating, the first date in particular, it’s wiser to not dish out money if you can avoid doing so. The point of a first date is to get to know each other and to have a good time, neither of which requires money.
Why not try a new strategy for your first date and leave your wallet at home?
Whatever your purpose, you can achieve it without spending money.
Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Are you looking for a husband or wife? Are you looking to have a goofy, fun time? Are you looking to get laid? Whatever your reason for going on a date, you can realize it without having to spend any money.
Think of it as a challenge: How can you get what you want in the most cost-efficient manner? How can you get her to drop her panties or him his boxer shorts without spending a buck? How can you get him or her to fall in love with you without having to whip out your wallet?
Nothing is impossible. Challenge yourself.
Chances are neither of you has ever been on a penniless date. Think of the memories.
I don’t know about you, but most of the dates I’ve been on haven’t been very memorable. Not because I didn’t have a good time — I’m sure I did –, but because they weren’t unique. I would do the same dinner and drinks as always without ever getting too creative.
Creativity shouldn’t be reserved for what goes on in-between the sheets. Try something new on the first date that will guarantee to make it a memorable one. Besides, if you do end up together for the rest of your lives, it’ll be a hell of a story.
You can’t hide behind your money; you’ll have to put forth the effort.
Human beings in general tend to excel under pressure. When we have to come up with creative solutions to problems, we almost always manage.
The problem with the way most people date is that they date as if it were a chore. They go through the movements without ever bothering to give the whole experience meaning. You can’t find someone to love if you don’t make an effort to impress.
Most people assume that the best way to impress someone is by throwing around money, yet it rarely does the trick. Throwing your money around won’t get you what you’re looking for. In fact, it’s likely to get you exactly what you aren’t looking for — unless it’s a one-night stand, of course.
Some people aren’t worth your money.
When it comes to first dates, you don’t yet know the other person very well. We throw enough money into the trash as it is, on things we don’t need and often don’t bother using. Don’t make the same mistake when it comes to dating.
Why spend money on someone with whom you may not even end up hitting it off? If you’re looking to be a philanthropist, there are much better causes to which to donate. Wait until you know that someone is worth your time before you dish out your hard-earned cash.
It’ll help you understand the other person’s motives.
The truth is that some people are only looking for a free meal — it’s just the way it works. You may be okay with feeding someone who is capable of feeding him or herself, but if I’m going to feed the hungry, I’m going to make sure they actually need the help.
If I’m going on a date, the only motives I’m interested in are centered on if she wants to hang out with me because she enjoys my company and conversation, or if she wants to go a few rounds in the bedroom. If she is looking for anything else, I’m not her guy.
Not throwing money at the situation will help you figure out what someone is looking for, real fast. Like small talk, money creates more friction between you and the goal.
It’ll remind you that there are more important things in life than money.
When was the last time you had an amazing time without spending any money? Maybe even somewhat recently. What about the last time you had a great time with someone else without spending any money? Probably less recent.
This isn’t to say that it isn’t possible; we just assume that when we are with another person, we need to be taking out our wallets. The truth is there is plenty to do with other people that doesn’t require you to spend any money. It may seem foreign to you, but with a bit of effort, you can enjoy your first date more than you would if you were to cover a several-hundred dollar tab.
In fact, you’ll likely have an even better time on your date if you don’t spend any money as you’ll be forced to engage in real, genuine conversation.
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Originally appeared at Elite Daily
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About Paul Hudson
A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. Currently located in Manhattan, Paul Hudson primarily devotes his time between writing for Elite Daily and a mining startup in Turkey. He loves sharing his life experiences with his readers and makes sure to practice what he preaches.
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Photo: Flickr/Cam Evans
Respect goes both ways. If you treat a man as an ATM, don’t be surprised if he never calls back. If you are a functioning adult with a job you can pay your own way. Giving lip service to equality is one thing, but how many people walk the walk instead of talk the talk?
I am still confused about this obsession that some guys have about not paying. It seems that the issue is not that they think women expect them to pay but rather that they are adamant about not paying. If that is the case, the materialistic one in the equation is the guy.
Way to assume the worst, Eduardo.
It is to see if people are serious about equality.
And you might want to scroll up for examples of women thinking that a guy who wants a zero-dollars date is cheap or a pity party. Blaming men as ever is one thing, but when there are counterexamples on the same page, them *smh*
*”then”, not “them” ^_^
It’s really simple. I invite you for coffee, means I am paying for coffee. I invite you for a beer, means I am paying for the beer. This is irrelevant if it’s a date, if it’s a business meeting, if it’s a woman, or a man or whatever.
Who invites pays.
I think you mean simplistic – this disregards the gendered dynamics of who is expected to do the asking out. It’s still usually men – and saying “it’s perfectly fair, who asks pays” is just doubling the burden placed on men in this situation because of their gender.
It’d be a bit like saying it’s “perfectly fair” that who uses the kitchen last cleans it. Given that that’s still overwhelmingly likely to be a woman, it ends up being a gendered expectation in practice if not in intent.
Who cooks does not clean…another important rule. People, please take notes. Every time I see articles like this, and then the comments, it makes me cringe. Dating is simple. Relationships are simple. It’s all this overtly justification of overly complicated excuses and reasoning that make it so complicated. Dating is about focusing on BOTH people getting to know each other, BOTH people enjoying their time together. BOTH. Not one impressing the other, not one investing in the other (The very term investing already proves the person has his or her priorities messed up) This absurd focus on money, either spending… Read more »
“The fact that you made the invite and the other person has to pay,”
Literally no one said this.
I don’t see the practically of putting your broke foot forward. Sorry but a guy has to prove that he is productive just to get a 1st date. What senses does it make to scare a women into thinking that the 2 of them are destined for a penniless future.
It’s a good idea–forces you to pay attention to the other person, rather than your surroundings.
I brainstormed on some possible dating scenarios which involved no money. I thought of walks in the park or canoeing (assuming a friend has lent you one or you own one). But I think most women want to meet at a public place with relatively little chance for seclusion. Also, whether right or wrong, I would think you were cheap.
Well, there’s one, Wes.
I would suggest reading Men On Strike by Helen Smith as to why men are dropping out of dating and marriage.
A lot of men never stop to think that maybe women have safety to consider but instead start a pity party woe is men! Feminists bathing in our tears! *cough Wes Carr below cough*
That being said, it would be cool to suggest this for a maybe 3rd or 4th date when you feel more comfortable being alone with someone. Make it a challenge – both people need to think of a couple of things to do.
I never said anything about safety. If a woman wants to meet in a public place, that’s fine. I have also said many times that women do not owe men sex. Just like men do not owe them dinners, drinks or entertainment. How about just dropping bogus expectations?
About 17 years ago my wife and I took a train ride downtown and walked around the city. I guess we paid a couple bucks for the train fare, but that was it. We window shopped, looked at buildings and discussed architecture, walked holding hands and just talked. I think it worked great as a first date. We still look back on it fondly together. We never went through any money debates over who should pay for what after that either, I think after the first dinner one of us paid, can’t remember who, and we just fell into a… Read more »
At least you have the privilege of walking around holding hands without being gay-bashed or encountering rude and snide comments and stares!
Thanks. This really needed to be said. Wonder how many comments there will be about “being cheap.”