Alan Bishop gets brutally honest about some CrossFit secrets he wishes some were let in on.
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It’s an amazing thing to experience a WOD for the first time, whether it’s remembering back to your first effort or watching a newbie come into your box and give one a go.
At the pre-wod introductions, we hear the names and they each state that “this is my first experience with CrossFit” — they have this look of wonder in their eyes as the coach explains the WOD that they are about to do.
They might have an awareness, but they do not yet have an understanding of exactly what it is that they are about to experience. It’s an amazing thing to watch the entire pre-during-post WOD experience, for that newbie will never be the same.
Do you remember what your first WOD was? Mine was “Tabata something Else” and I did it in my garage (the humble beginnings of the BishBox)!
Tabata Something Else Complete 32 intervals of 20 seconds of work followed by 10 seconds of rest where the first 8 intervals are pullups, the second 8 are pushups, the third 8 intervals are situps, and finally, the last 8 intervals are squats. There is no rest between exercises.
Once the CrossFit lifestyle has integrated into your very being (some might even say that you “Drank the Kool Aid”) a shift might occur.
You might become more vocal.
You might take a risk now and then.
You might change.
But…
Have you ever had the feeling that things aren’t quite right when you’re at your box? Do you ever think that people are holding something back from you?
Is there ever an uncomfortable silence?…
If so, maybe it’s because someone is thinking of one of these “6 Things that a CrossFitter Won’t Tell You” and has you on their mind.
With my tongue firmly in my cheek—here we go.
1) You smell
So what if you always PR in the CrossFit Santa Cruz T-shirt that you got on your holiday to the “CrossFit Garden of Eden”? It stinks—and so do you.
Wash your gear and come to the gym clean. You’ll most likely attract more post-WOD looks from the opposite sex than the flies that currently hover around you marveling in your sweat angel and unique bouquet.
2) You grunt way too much
This is not a tennis match. There’s no need to scream at the top of your lungs when attempting to get your first muscle-up or at the end of a set of thrusters. It baffles the mind to think that on a squat you want to grunt and scream to the almighty heaven rather than use that deep breath you took before you dropped down to help propel and power you back up to the rack.
Focus on your form and stop scaring the shit out of everyone else with your guttural outbursts.
3) You’re not strong enough and your engine sucks
The last time Isabel came up you smoked your lumbar region at 18 minutes and you hadn’t even reached 18 reps, but you did do it Rx’d. At your last 4:30pm class you were 47 minutes into your last 100 Squats of Murph when you noticed the guys who usually attend the 5:30 class were starting to break out the dowels and PVC pipes.
Scale it, stupid….and remember: Be strong to be useful. Intensity is second to form—learn the movement, train your engine, then go for something that resembles Rx’d.
4) Your infectious enthusiasm isn’t really all that infectious
I don’t want to know that you won a Progenex T-Shirt via Twitter.
I’m trying to write the WOD up on the whiteboard and can’t help you with that lacrosse ball under your shoulder right now.
Your suggestion of a YouTube video about increasing my snatch really wasn’t on my “must watch” checklist, so no sorry, I didn’t get to it.
I GET IT — you love CrossFit, but damn, dude…Get a life. CrossFit is supposed to be preparing you for the “unknown and unknowable,” so step outside the box once in a while and bring something else to the table.
5) I don’t want to hear about your WOD
I just did Fran too—I don’t need to hear about how bad the round of 15 was for you… I know how much it hurts and I just lived through it as well. What makes your brand of suck more interesting than mine? So you rocked it… I didn’t, and “I want to lay here in my puddle of crybaby soup and just enjoy the carnage for a moment or two.”
I don’t need a high five, a hug or a blow-by-blow on how wrecked or pumped you are. Please leave me be!
6) You’re great at CrossFit, but you suck at life
I know you weigh and measure your food (I’ve done this but really, and I mean really, does anyone need to?). Your logbook has a logbook that also has within that a WOD tracking website. You actually own a T-shirt with the design of a clown puking on it. Nothing gets into your belly that isn’t a nut, seed, vegetable, lean meat or a little bit of fruit. You have a dog called Fran, your cat’s known as Murph, and your children are named Annie, Eva and Nicole.
At one time or another I have been bitten by each one of the above six points in some way or another…. well, maybe not the smelly one since I have way too much OCD for that.
If the above resonates with any part of you, have a good laugh at yourself and take a pause. It might be time to take stock because there’s a wonderful, wide-open world out there just beyond the walls of your box.
Enjoy the hard work that you have put in to CrossFit and let that hard work spill over into your life. Go out and live it once in a while too.
As always, I welcome any comments and thoughts. Come check me out at “The 365 Effect″ and don’t forget to say hi on Twitter @the365effect.
[images: via Runar Eilertsen on flickr]
This article is eye opening, I was sure that Crossfitters would make you aware of everything 😛
What does a vegan crossfitter tell you about first? Haha!
Vegan Crossfitters are usually not happy with their results 😀 They always want more, and can’t couse its impossible to lift without meat in your diet.