Modern break-ups appear to be a lot more complicated than those of past generations. As if real life weren’t hard enough, nowadays we also have to add a digital breakup.
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Oh the agony! It begins with the actual “…is now single” Facebook update for your entire friends list to see, and unfortunately it doesn’t quite end there.
The painful spiral continues on in many evil forms. From hitting that ‘un-friend‘ button, to contemplating a ‘block‘ upgrade. To ‘accidentally’ coming across a photo of your former-love getting cosy with a new ‘friend‘. To the grueling task of deleting old photos of the both of you together back when you were lovers and not haters.
Awkward run-ins are no longer limited to the slight chance of bumping into your ex randomly on the street. Technology has now allowed our ex’s to follow us around in our pockets and in our bags wherever we go. Making the process of truly getting over someone all the more difficult. With this in mind, here are the the 6 steps to a social media survival guide during an achy-breaky-heart break.
1. Address your relationship status
One of the biggest points of anxiety for a lot of people seems to be the change in relationship status. Who wants to make a public declaration of their breakup? Nobody. Prepare for the update to pop-up on the newsfeed of your entire friends list, and get ready for the comments of sad-face emojis to roll in. This grueling process might just subsequently make you want to throw your phone in the ocean, but it needs to be done. So best to rip it off like a band-aid — painful, but quick!
2. Hit that un-friend/un-follow button
Just because you’ve changed your relationship status to ‘single‘, doesn’t mean you’re now in the clear. Picture this — you wake up to a brand new day, you scroll down on your daily newsfeed and before you know it, you stumble upon photos of your ex having fun without you, looking better than ever, or even worse — getting cosy with someone else before you’ve even had have your morning coffee. Ouch! And although this very same scenario may happen regardless if you know about it or not, this doesn’t mean you have to visually put yourself through that agony. Especially not whilst the break-up is still so fresh. So go ahead and do yourself a favour by hitting that ‘unfriend‘ or ‘unfollow‘ button. Out of sight, out of mind.
3. Breakups calls for a cleanup
You’re profile now says ‘single‘, you’re no longer ‘friends’ with your ex, but your account is still filled with old photos and shared statuses of the happy couple you once were. Breakups calls for a cleanup, but instead of just collecting the odd clothes, DVD’s and toothbrush he or she has left around your house — take this one step further by deleting photos, statuses and check-ins you’ve shared together. During the process you will feel remorse and guilt, but afterwards you will feel refreshed and liberated. And just in case this isn’t enough of an incentive for you – then imagine finding out that your ex beat you to the punch? Point taken? So start cleaning!
4. Manage the booby-traps
It’s now time to get a handle on the booby-traps that may sneak around by covering all possible slip-ups. Start by considering to ‘un-friend‘ loyal allegiances to your ex who you don’t see yourself continuing a friendship with. Especially now that the mutual tie ceases to exist. But for those who you wish to continue a relationship with, opt to create a a filter by ‘un-following‘ their happenings — even for the meantime. Perhaps also decide to ‘block‘ your ex all together. These dramatic, yet necessary steps may just be the differences that will prevent you from the temptation of stalking your ex at an ungodly hour. They may be the key deterrence to finding yourself trolling through statutes and photos that could break your heart all over again and bring you straight back to square one. Remember, these functions are there for a reason, so take advantage of them. Because if these steps are not applied, then all the hard work you chose to make in the previous points may just come undone.
5. You’re not being subtle, you’re being awkward
It has become almost an instinctive reaction to share feelings on social media after a break-up. A way for people to let their online world know that they’re fine and dandy (even if they’re not). But although the thought of your ex somehow seeing or hearing about just how good you’re doing without them may seem appealing at first — in the end, you’re doing more harm to yourself than good. The highs that you get out of the ‘likes‘ you receive, will fall in comparison against the lows you will feel. Especially because deep down what you’re posting doesn’t necessarily match what you’re feeling. So spare yourself this downward spiral and keep your feelings strictly offline. Passive aggressive statuses like “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” or hashtags like#thingsrlookinup aren’t ideal either. You may think you’re being subtle, but really you’re being awkward. Don’t air your dirty laundry in public. Just don’t.
6. Come on get happy
With all these previous steps aside, perhaps one of the biggest favours you could do for yourself is going offline all together for a while. Even a 1 week detox could make all the difference. Spend that time crying into a pillow, having a solo sad-movies marathon, catching up with friends you’ve lost touch with from being ‘in a relationship‘, or plan your very own movie montage makeover. Log out and give yourself time to heal, space to move on and an opportunity to get back on that horse. So that the next time you log-in, that happy photo or status you post won’t feel like a lie, it will feel real. #comeongethappy
What post break-up tricks have helped you?
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About the author
Pauline Morrissey is the Lead Editor for LOVE & LIST. She clocks off by daydreaming about future escapades & having D&M’s with wine in hand. She takes pride in both her appetite for organisation and her Nintendo 64 skills. Pauline describes her fuel for writing much like The Wizard of Oz; in search for more brain, courage & heart.
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This article originally appeared on Love and List.
Photo credit: Garry Knight/flickr
A forum I frequent has a whole list of to-do’s after a break-up and a lot of these are one there. I think a lot if people fail (I know I did more than once) and never truly heal because they are in denial that a relationship is over (want the ex back so they stay in contact as “friends”) or they don’t want to hurt the other person by doing something like unfriending/blocking and severing. Severing is key. Sure, you can be friends with your ex (if you want to), but not weeks after you broke up. A good… Read more »