One successful entrepreneur reflects on his last conversations with his father, who died unexpectedly at 54, and vows not to live a life of regrets.
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“At the end of our lives we all ask: Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?” ~Brendon Burchard
In April of 2012, my father died at the age of 54. He was relatively young, and his death was a shock. As I sat thinking during his funeral, I kept replaying the last few conversations we had.
The one thing he said in those conversations was he wished he had done more. He told me he had so many dreams and goals that he had never done anything about. He told me to learn the lesson he never learned: don’t die with regret.
Most people spend 40-60 hours of their week working. When you spend that much time doing something, it will affect your life one way or another. If you’re doing work that makes you miserable every other part of your life will be affected.
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His death was a wake-up call and started me on a journey where I lost 170 pounds, moved from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to our dream designation of Maui, Hawaii. I left a job I was miserable at to follow my dream of writing.
Along the way, I learned seven key lessons to not living a life of regret. Here are seven choices you’ll regret at the end of your life if you don’t do something about them today.
- Not truly living. Too often we let our doubt and fear hold us back from the incredible life we all can live. We have so many things we want to do in life yet never do. Truly living doesn’t mean you’re skydiving every other day. It means you don’t hold back; you chase those dreams. You ignore those doubts and create that amazing life. It means that no matter how many times you fall, you get back up and keep pushing forward.
- Not chasing your dreams. Most people spend 40-60 hours of their week working. When you spend that much time doing something, it will affect your life one way or another. If you’re doing work that makes you miserable, every other part of your life will be affected. There are opportunities all around us, and people are making their dreams a reality as you’re reading this. It’s not going to be easy, and it will take time, but it will be worth it.
- Accumulating too much stuff. When we moved to Hawaii, we were shocked by how much stuff we had. We go through life getting things and saving them; we’re afraid to throw things away that we don’t use. Generally, if you haven’t used something in the last year, you probably don’t need it (there can be exceptions of course). That stuff creates clutter, which will lead to stress. At the end of your life, you won’t remember any of that stuff but you will remember any incredible experiences.
- Letting jealousy win. Unfortunately, jealousy is a part of human nature but there are some who know how to deal with it. If you can’t control jealousy, you’ll live a life of regret. Be grateful for your life. Be thankful that you are alive. You may not have as much as someone else but you can and you will if you do something about it.
- Constantly comparing yourself to other people. As I made big changes in my life, one way I measured my progress was comparing my results to what others were doing. I learned the hard way that comparing yourself to others only leads to bitterness and heartache. Your journey is YOUR journey and shouldn’t be compared. Make changes at your pace. As long as you’re moving forward you’ll get there. If someone gets there before you, congratulate him or her and then focus on your journey. Getting caught up in the comparison game won’t help you.
- Letting negative people hold you back. We’re excited to tell our friends or family about changes we’re making in our lives. Sometimes they’re not as excited as we are, and sometimes they’re even negative. If you want to move forward, you have to stay away from negative people. Negative people aren’t happy with themselves and will poison your progress. Pretty soon you’ll start to believe what they’re saying and quit. Get rid of the negative and you’ll live a happier life.
- Starting tomorrow. We always think we have more time when the reality is we’re not guaranteed a tomorrow. Every day is a gift, and we should live each day as if it were the last. The time to start isn’t tomorrow because tomorrow may never come. Start today and tomorrow you’ll be close to living out your dream. Start today and you won’t die with regret in your heart.
I can tell you from personal experience that chasing your dreams is hard work. There are many ups and downs. There are many days when you want to quit.
The best thing you can do is to take it one day at a time. Instead of focusing on the big changes you want to make, focus on waking up and doing what you have to do that day. As you take it one day at a time, you’ll look up after a while and realize you there.
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Life is too short to spend even a single moment miserable. Start reaching your finish line and create that amazing life. Come to the end of your life with a smile on your face knowing that you have no regrets.
How are you living a life of no regrets?
Originally published on Huffington Post.
Photo: Flickr/Artis Rams
I read a book in full (out loud) to my wife over the last couple of days. My wife loves being read to. And I love reading to my wife. She has been by my side over the last twenty or more years and been around when others have not. She was with me on the island of Fuerteventura in 2002 when I dreamed of my father’s death. It was not the first dream of that kind I had experienced – but it was the most vivid. I’ll tell you about it if you like.. We were on the island… Read more »
You wonder how many people regret the harm that they have inflicted on people especially in their climb to the top of their profession?
This was a great article, and many wonderful comments. To the people making wonderful life changing moves kudos to you! And congratulations. I work as a CPA, and I recently hit age 50. I have to say in my world most people, and most clients are just struggling to get by each week. As best I see it, the generation a bit older than me made it through. They managed to retire often with a company paid for pension and sometimes medical benefits, often working for the same company most of their lives. Those my age and younger face a… Read more »
I thought this was important to remember, I want to bottle it up and feed it to my kids, as they enter adolescence.
The only thing I have an issue with the is “negative people” comment.
There have been many times when someone was negative about something I wanted, but I ignored them, when I should have been evaluating what they were saying.
Negative feedback is not always destructive. Instead, use it as a constructive counterpoint to evaluate a choice.
My Dad was only 52 when he died. I was 14. After many ups and downs in my own life, after some significant life changes, including the ending of an abusive relationship, and most significantly, a car wreck that brought me to terms with my own mortality, I made some significant changes to my own life…I did much soul-searching for about 2 years beginning in my 50th year. I sought counseling for the PTSD associated with the trauma of the abuse I endured, and some time during a session, told my counselor when I was 50, that I believed, just… Read more »
i am a lonely man. i am morely affected by my past and much of my future, anyway, i am presently doing well and i have my achievements too. however, i dont know why i am always dramatic or what. i am just feeling isolated and lonely. and badly, i am easily affected by movies i am watching and books i am reading. and sometimes i feel that i am living a wrong spirit and body. i dont know. am 21. any help… please… thank you
BTW. I read a fortune Cookie the other day that said a life without daring adventure is not a life at all. I don’t think that means jumping out of perfectly good airplanes. But we as a whole are so afraid of what others think about us when we want to experience anything in our lives. More so than jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. That somehow gives us ego. Other things we want to be and do are shoved aside for fear of what others will say. How really sad is that?????
Very well said sir.
That is an issue with many many people, kimanzi. This culture can offer too many choices that people are paralyzed. My dreams are fulfilled. No drama in my life, great relationship with my wife, career coming to an end at MY choice, and have really all the stuff I could ever want or need, except less of it. That may be my next dream. Giving it all away. It’s just stuff. Most require maintenance. That’s a bummer. I have a sports car I truly love and when I pass I could easily give it to someone who I know would… Read more »
Congrats Mark. It’s a very good place to be in.
But, what when you don’t know what your dreams are? or when your yearnings change every day?
That’s hard Sandy. Email me at [email protected] and I’ll send you a little guide that I think can help you figure a few things out.
As long as most of the parts of our body works as we want them then there’s no reason of regretting or feeling low…if we still feel low or regret about life we’re having then please look at those who can’t walk, run, swim, ski, surf, jump, peddle or drive…we’re all in perfectly best condition already. Celebrate !!!
Very true, but the regret I’m talking about is from unfilled dreams. Just because others have it worse doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take action our dreams.
We are taught to pursue goals that others value and appreciate, not the goals that we truly wanted, and therefore we don’t get real satisfaction from life. Check this out, it’s a functional guide that helps you find your own answers: http://www.alkuajatus.org
Very good point Tony!
You’re amazing, Mr. Kimanzi. You’re an inspiring bush shaker.
I attempt to keep a “no-regret life” on the relational level. Loving deeply and freely covers, prevents, and eliminates so many unwanteds. Honesty and candor opens the way for meaningful conversations. I love to give people hope—a light inside the tunnel. Lord, help me to live a no-regret life.
You’re doing great Arlen and taking massive action, congrats!
Important topic Kimanzi. When I was eleven years old we would go see my grandma every Sunday. I remember asking my dad why we had to go see her every Sunday. (I really did love seeing my Grandma) I will never forget hes words, “She may not bee with us much longer.” – That December she would pass away. And little did I know that just two months later my dad would die. He was 54. Each and everyday is precious. No excuses, no regrets we need live each one to the fullest.
Wow, powerful story Jon and eye-opening! We just never know which is why today is so important!
I learned years ago to do the 80 year old rocking chair test and look at my life from the perspective of an 80 year old. Most people will find that their quality of relationships were the most important. People feel that collecting stuff and things make them happy but that happiness is only temporary if at all. Check out my blogs at blog.myhelps.us
Thank you Myrna. I will check out your blog. Stuff comes and goes but those experiences and relationships are what stays with you!
Some great lessons Kimanzi. A good reminder to live fully in the present. I too left my career as a veterinarian to pursue that which I was drawn to pertaining to coaching men to be all they are created to be. Interestingly, I noted those same lessons along my journey.
Congrats Dr. Ryan! It’s exciting to meet people that have done it! Is it what you dreamed? Is there anything you learned making that transition? Any insight would be great!
“Constantly comparing yourself to other people…..” I was so focused on myself and my own career that I never realized someone close to me was envious of what I had and where I was going….as I climbed the rungs of higher education and got closer to my ultimate goal, he got more and more negative…this was surprising to me since he was so encouraging and positive in the beginning….I think he preferred me being the quivering, fearful and anxious little student instead of the increasingly confident, ambitious, and aggressive woman I was becoming….When he looked at me, I think he… Read more »
Wow, now that’s a story that needs to be written about. Have you? It really does put things into perspective. What ended up happening if you don’t mind me asking? Did you reach your ultimate goal and what happened to him?
I did reach my educational goals and career goals…I never knew he wanted the same…he never really said that that was his plan…. He got really antsy when I got into grad school, as if he knew it was the beginning of the end, despite all my assurances…it was exhausting trying to reassure him all the time…I was walking on eggshells all the time… I finally got the courage to end it…and then I never saw him for the longest time….long story short…I found out many, many years later that he wanted exactly what I had…and he got it….and entered… Read more »
Sorry to hear that but very happy to hear you reached your goals! I know you’ll be happier for sticking to the right path for yourself 🙂
In perspective, leia, perhaps he was most afraid of losing you rather than gaining what you were getting. My college roommate was phi beta kappa and he and I had a huge argument. He was all about his climb and his future wife would dote on him and his desire. My view was that I would support my future wife to help her get whatever she wanted because either way I’d get my corvette and I’d have my love too. Lol! Guess what? Over time in a different way than I expected I got exactly both. I do not hold… Read more »
Thanks for sharing that Mark, also another great example. I agree, you can’t hold yourself back, life is too short!
Good for you Leia! ….. all I suggest though, is that you incorporate “fun” in your life.
Kimanzi took the words out of my mouth. Leia I edit the biz section and I’d love to have that story for it. Any chance? Kimanzi can vouch that I’m ok to work with. 🙂
YES I CAN! I would love to read that post and Dixie is the best.
Thank you Kimanzi …. I always liked what Rozalind Russel said in the movie “Auntie Mame” … “Life is a banquet and most poor bastards and starving to death.” And isn’t that the truth, there is so much out there to experience.
Tom, I want to do it all! Well.. as much as I can. Any tips Tom with your life experience on how to balance and where to focus?
Follow your instinct. I was in my mid 50’s when I snowboarded the first time. I really sucked at it but was fun. I’d never been on ski’s. Sadly it was at a roller skating party that I screwed up my rotator cuff. It’s all in how you land …. One thing became perfectly clear is that the older you get, the more inhibited I became. Best to start early and go for it. I came real close to sky diving. Unfortunately I believe in some omens so while a few friends and I were driving to the small airport… Read more »
Tom, I know we’ve had some battles politically but this is great life advice. Thanks for sharing it.
Totally agreed!
Thank you Paul.
No, this is great. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I feel like I just learned so much. To be honest I’m glad we moved to a place with no snow. 33 years of it was enough! Thanks again Tom!
Tom dear – this is a post, you know that right? Or should I say “write?” 🙂
AMEN!
Thank you all for your kind words ….. the benefit of being older is that you have a wealth of life experiences.
Kimanzi, last winter was one of the worst. I’m still some what weary of driving in snow but after buying a 4X4 …. gave me a boost of confidence.
Thanks for your wise word!!!
Given the fact that I am nearing the end of my life, I would agree with everything you’ve stated. One thing I would add is to let go of the regrets in that they will slow you down. …. . no sense dwelling on “Coulda woulda shoulda” I would also like to say that what I did or didn’t do makes me who I am today and I’m good with who I am. My kids get upset when I tell them that I’m ready to go any time God wants me. It’s not that I’m giving up, I’m simply okay… Read more »
Powerful Tom, very powerful. Thank you for putting things into perspective. You’re right, if we do make it to that point we have to let go of regret. I do hope the younger man who reads this takes away the fact that he can do something right now to avoid coming to the end with regret. I hope they realize how short life truly is and today is the day to do something about those dreams and big changes.