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The Body Positivity Movement is one of the most wonderful social changes to come about during my lifetime. Watching women step out of our generations’ long indoctrination to embrace what we look like and scream “EFF YOUR BEAUTY STANDARDS!!” moves me to tears regularly.
It’s an incredible feeling to watch women of all shapes and sizes come into prominence as our varied styles are finally accepted and celebrated.
This is a wonderful gift my generation is giving to girls of the future…which is why I cannot believe we are still collectively making fun of dudes’ bodies.
I’m not usually one to clutch my pearls over pop culture, but when the Bad Moms trailer came out last summer, I was horrified when I watched Kristen Bell‘s character expressly tell Mila Kunis to “run away” from a guy if he was uncircumcised. The whole bit was played for laughs to entice women to see this movie. It was disgusting, embarrassing and hypocritical as hell. If had been a movie about guys talking about women’s genitals, there would have been outrage – and with good reason.
My exasperation obviously isn’t limited to one movie’s tacky commentary on men’s genital appearance; that’s just a symptom of a much more pervasive problem. I routinely see varied media taking potshots about how women shouldn’t desire men who are balding, have too much body hair, or stand shorter than 6-feet tall, and those are just the most common supposed “offenses.”
How is this still socially acceptable?! Feminism is about equality. Period. If we want women’s thoughts, actions, and bodies valued, we have to give the same respect in return.
Listen, I understand women face exponentially more cultural brainwashing to convince us of our inherent inadequacy than men do. I clearly see that a millennia-old patriarchal society is to blame for these female beauty standards we’ve been conditioned for centuries to believe we must adhere to in order to be respected and validated as people.
In no way am I arguing women don’t still struggle every single day to trust their own beauty— both external and internal — because we are inundated with messages attempting to convince us that our natural state is unlovable. Women have it rough when it comes to body image. I get it because I live it, too.
But it doesn’t somehow balance the scales for us to ridicule men for being short or tall or bald or too hairy or overweight or too scrawny or any other bullshit social stereotype of masculinity. Insulting a male body is just as problematic as belittling a female’s.
This should be a given, but for some reason, it still isn’t. The days of passive-aggressively undercutting men’s physical attributes, because women are otherwise powerless in a male-dominated society are drawing to a close, and our habits need to change with the times. Mocking men who don’t fit some arbitrarily assumed ideal of “perfection” is not only insulting to both sides, it’s holding us all back from escaping these superficial paradigms that keep us miserable with ourselves and each other.
Right now, men who step way outside societal gender norms are getting a lot of positive attention, and that’s fantastic. I’m elated to see common drugstore cosmetics brands and clothing labels finally beginning to acknowledge gender diversity in their model casting. This is an exciting time to be alive. But what also needs to happen is the acceptance of every man in the same way we keep fighting for acceptance of every woman.
If we actually want sustainable peace and equality between the genders, we have to build bridges, and that starts with showing mutual respect through our language. If we want our bodies to be accepted and celebrated, we have to stop flinging judgment out about others’, regardless of gender. It really is that simple.
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This article originally appeared on YourTango. For more like this from YourTango, try:
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I could care less about shaming. Words, dumb jokes, whatever. It’s the real world that gets me down. People I work with through emails and online meetings respect my opinions, seek out my advice, and follow it. I’d dare say they ‘look up to me’. Then they meet me in real life, see that I’m almost 5’5″ on a good day, and attitudes immediately change. Happens all the time. Same thing with women, but that’s a whole other story.
Thanks for your post!
I appreciate your efforts I really do. But I notice that you do the same thing that nearly every article from a source that focuses mostly on women does. It simply is unable to talk about male body positivity without constantly bringing up how “women have it worse”. Ask yourself this. If you saw a site mostly focused on men publish an article about suicidal women would you really be okay with constantly mentioning how more men kill themselves? The real key moment to male body positivity is going to be when writers of pieces like this learn that male… Read more »
What are the you talking about?? Men talk about women’s gentiles ALL the time in movies and everywhere. In Hollywood and in porn where women are treated like their worth is based on how big their breasts are and how young and tight their bodies are. No one ever gets outraged about men talking about women’s gentiles in disgusting or objecting ways. People defend it all the time. It’s okay to objectify women, they say. Our newly elected president loves to talk about women gentiles and no one gave a crap when he did that. But I am suppose to… Read more »
Hey, now!
There are most definitely men out there who “give a crap”. Just not enough of us to win an election, apparently.
As to the author’s example, I would offer the same advice to women that I do to other men when discussing all things Trump. If the person on the receiving end of groping hand, a sexist remark, or a comment about appearance was your sibling or your child, and that idea feels offensive, you should probably be offended in general. And if you aren’t, that says something.
Our newly elected president loves to talk about women gentiles and no one gave a crap when he did that. Is this your first time on this site? Seriously GMP and large portions of the population at large have barely talked about anything else besides that remark since it came to light months ago. But that’s the usually the problem when it comes to situations like this. No matter how many men speak up against Trump and condemn his actions people like you will continue to prop Trump up as representation of all men in general and claim that no… Read more »
but you would never see Melissa Mcarthy with a goregous love interest? My guess is you’ve never read any romance books aimed at women or what is now being called “mommy porn”. Usually, an insipid and dull female lead with nothing going for her is pursued by the 6’4″, muscular billionaire who throws gifts at her every time she flutters her eyelashes. This plays into female fantasy in the way that pornography does for men. It objectifies men just as porn objectifies women. 50 Shades of Grey didn’t start the trend, it was already there. I find it amusing that… Read more »
What are the you talking about?? Men talk about women’s gentiles darn non-jews, eh No one ever gets outraged about men talking about women’s gentiles in disgusting or objecting ways. People defend it all the time. It’s okay to objectify women, they say. Our newly elected president loves to talk about women gentiles and no one gave a crap when he did that. apart from that rolling media shitstorm it prompted that went on for days and constantly still gets referred back to how wrong he was, yeah nothing at all was said about that People defend it all the… Read more »
Its basic dismissal. When a problem is mentioned that they want to ignore they just pretend that it is an isolated incident in order to make anyone who brings up look like they are taking things out of context and out of proportion.
Which is the total opposite of how they talk about the problems they want to focus on. Then suddenly its indicative of a widespread issue that happens all the time.
Twas ever thus.
We would probably keep imposing those standards on ourselves even if women ceased to… ompetition amongst our own gender, that sort of thing.
You raise a lot of great points about the elements of appearance people CAN’T change, but there is a best version of each of us we can reach no matter what body type we’re born with. The gentlemen in your article’s cover photo – does he look happy? Does he look like he FEELS as if he’s the best version of himself? Looking past a book’s cover is important, but the content needs to be healthy as well. Physical appearance often (not always) speaks to physical health. For anyone who’s ever been at a mental/emotional low, being physically healthy is… Read more »