Elwood Watson isn’t a fan of resolutions, but these 7 can lead any man to happiness.
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Hello all. A new year is upon us. Hopefully, the holidays were good ones you. In my case they certainly were. I was afforded the opportunity to travel to the northeast to visit my six siblings, nieces and nephews (most of whom are adults themselves) and other relatives for two weeks. It was a pleasure to see everyone again and as is often the case when we all congregate, we shared candid, amusing stories about our professional and personal lives, recited stories of childhood adventures, and spoke in admiration of recently departed and long dead aunts, uncles and our late parents. Mom died in 1987. Father passed away 20 years ago, last month in December 1995.
I ate far too much. Admittedly, I was a slave to the traditional holiday menu (at least for my family) of roasted turkey, prime rib, smothered chicken, chitterlings, baked macaroni and cheese, collard greens, candied yams, homemade sweet potato pie, coconut cake, collard greens, hot rolls, buttermilk biscuits, sweet tea and other goodies. It was good ol’, delicious soul food at its finest. I probably gained 20 lbs (exaggerated ). I did make a conscious effort to exercise everyday, though I’m not sure how much good it did. Thank goodness I do not eat like this on a regular basis! I would probably not be writing this column if I had done so. As in most things, moderation is the best path to take.
Find men who share similar interests as you whether it be at church, the local rotary club, the gym, intellectual pursuits etc… There is nothing more sad to see than an angry, lonely, middle aged man with no real friends.
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Now that I am back in the regular groove of life, I have contemplated on a number of things. For the most part, I am NOT an individual who subscribes to the philosophy of adopting new years resolutions. I see them as difficult to adhere to. I also feel that as human beings striving to better, not perfect (none of us are nor will ever be perfect) ourselves should be an ongoing exercise. A daily journey and not something to ponder the last few days of December and the first few weeks of January. My intent is not to be critical of those of you who do so. Hopefully, such goals can and will translate into successful outcomes for you. Nonetheless, I do find the entire concept of New Year Resolutions intriguing. That being said, I have provided a list of my own for readers.
- Strive To Make More Close Friends: This should be a greater priority for more men. For far too many men, outside of business associates and the occasional fishing or drinking buddy, close, personal friendships are often non existent. To some degree, it is understandable given the fact that when men (or women) are in their 20s or in some cases, even mid to late 30s, people will come in and out of our lives. That is often par for the course. By the time a man reaches his early to mid 40s, he should have established a few good solid friendships, not just drinking buddies. More and more research is demonstrating that when a man reaches his late 40s/early 50s, he is most likely in need and desirous of male companionship and is often lacking it. Don’t let this happen to you. Find men who share similar interests as you whether it be at church, the local rotary club, the gym, intellectual pursuits etc… There is nothing more sad to see than an angry, lonely, middle aged man with no real friends.
It is crucial that you dismiss such people from your life for the sake of your physical and mental well being and replace them with positive, productive individuals.
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- Dismiss the Judgmental mindset: A number of men (not all) have a tendency to dwell on what other men have or lack. Instead of envying certain men for their accomplishments or disparaging others for what you perceive to be their shortcomings, learn to focus on your strengths. Moreover, if you are man who has been blessed with good fortune – good job, good health, happy, fulfilling love life, etc… perhaps you can serve as an inspiration or role model for those who desire a similar trajectory.
- Discard Adversarial Relationships: Any relationship that is filled with combativeness, pettiness, jealously, egoism, narcissism etc… is problematic. These relationships whether they be romantic, casual, business, personal etc are unhealthy and unproductive. They do not do anyone any good. The old saying “misery loves company” is largely true. These are people who love to inflict their drama on others. It is crucial that you dismiss such people from your life for the sake of your physical and mental well being and replace them with positive, productive individuals.
- Become more attentive to your health: Many men, upon reaching middle age, become less attentive to their health. That once relatively fit body they maintained during their 20s and much of their 30s has began to lose its once seemingly impervious physique. The teeth aren’t quite as white, the waistline has expanded, the bones in the body are not as hard and a host of other issues have greet us as well. For most men these factors are inevitable. Therefore, it is crucial that you make every effort to closely monitor your health by engaging in regular exercise, getting routine annual checkups and watching what you eat, yet occasionally allowing yourself to splurge. This is particularly important for men who have reached middle age.
Far too many men are wrapped up in what others think of them or in trying to maintain a view of masculinity that is often unattainable as well as psychologically unhealthy.
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- Learn to Forgive: Understandably, this is easier said than done. We are all human and are vulnerable to being wounded. Sometimes human beings can be very treacherous individuals. They can disappoint us profoundly. Anyone who has not been totally sheltered and has lived long enough will find this out. Nonetheless, it is important to embrace forgiveness as part of your life so that you can release the bitterness that is consuming you. Resentment and hate do more harm to the hater than anyone else. Learning to forget, move on and let go of negative thoughts and feelings will be much better for your physical and mental health.
- Do What is Best For You: Far too many men are wrapped up in what others think of them or in trying to maintain a view of masculinity that is often unattainable as well as psychologically unhealthy. With constant media messages proclaiming that you must be have the body of a Greek God, perform like a Casanova in bed, and have a bank account that rivals the top one percent, become a CEO by 45. Don’t forget to produce as many children as possible and save the world while you’re at it. It becomes understandable that many men are suffering from depression and other mental health issues. Despite societal expectations, it is crucial for men to do what is best for us as individuals. You have a primary responsibility to be true to yourself and do what is your best interests, not what others think you should do.
- Look For Solutions: Life is often filled with messy and unpredictable situations. Curve balls frequently hit us from all directions. Sometimes it better to take a step back and contemplate on what issue(s) are causing you concern. Make a list if needed. Once you have identified the problem(s), develop a sensible strategy on how you will go about addressing them as opposed to seething in resentment and despair that will do little, if anything, to advance your current situation.
As earlier stated, this is advice that any man should adhere to on a regular basis. However, there is nothing wrong with making it a part of your New Years Resolutions. To all you guys out there, best wishes a for a happy and productive year!
Photo Credit: Anders Lejczak/flickr