Git (UK Slang): “Deeply unpleasant or contemptible person.” Yeah, who wouldn’t want to be one of those?
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We all know these people; in fact chances are we are these people. Somewhere along the way, we hop onto the git bandwagon and decide that our way is the right way, our beliefs are the only beliefs, and we must make everyone who doesn’t conform to our standards utterly miserable. Whether it be internet trolls, racists, sexists, religious fanatics (and I am including atheists in here too), political fanatics, the neighborhood gossips, know-it-all parents or food and gym junkies, at some point we decide we like being a miserable git and we are going to go ahead and make the best of it.
We go out of our way not only to take offence at what someone else is doing, but shout it loud enough we become the verbal equivalent of a fart.
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We don’t have to be this way. We could mind our own business, be tolerant, listen and hear what someone else has to say, or withhold judgement because we don’t understand someone’s situation, but we choose not to. We go out of our way not only to take offence at what someone else is doing, but shout it loud enough we become the verbal equivalent of a fart. You understand the concept, people hush up, turn their backs and slowly leave the room. Of course we don’t smell our own farts so it’s very obvious (to us) that it’s everyone else that are the bastards.
So if you are wondering what the attraction with being a miserable git is here are the reasons :
1. It’s good to be right.
Facts don’t particularly matter as long as you can beat the other person into submission about how right you are. If the other person caves in and capitulates, then by definition you must be right since you killed their arguments.
2. A feeling of superiority
We all know we are better than everyone else, well at least I am anyway. You take your lofty standards and apply a judgmental filter over those around you. Of course most of them fail to live up to the standards you apply to them, and you can feel secure in your superiority. Don’t worry about not meeting your own standards, it’s not necessary.
3. Stagnation feels comfortable.
Some idiot comes up with a supposedly good idea, a better way of doing things, or something in society is now deemed acceptable, well … poppycock. Don’t accept that. The way everything was prior to that idea is infinitely better than having to change. I’ll be damned if I have to step out of my comfort zone to accommodate change.
4. Creativity killing is like exercise.
Seeking out and destroying creativity will keep your “Git” skills honed. You can find it at work generally anywhere where teenagers like to hangout and enjoy themselves. Teenagers have a way of sneaking creativity past your radar, so remember that nothing good has ever come out of creativity. It’s the work of the devil, it encourages dangerous thinking that doesn’t conform. Our teenagers need protecting from all this evil in the world and you don’t want them to expand their minds. What if something truly horrendous gets implanted in their heads like free speech, equality, the theory of evolution or heaven forbid that our politicians really don’t have a clue?
5. Embarrassing people can be fun.
Seeing those hoity toity people who think the world runs on unicorns and rainbows it can be a barrel of laughs bringing them back to reality. They need to be reminded how horrible and bad a place the world can be. A few gentle reminders about manners, morals, reputation and the proper ways things should be done will bring them back down. It’s in their own best interests that we help them with this and it is deeply satisfying to see their smiles drop from their faces.
6. Manufacturing an image is an art.
It takes six muscles to share a meme and 3246 muscles to smile. It’s far easier to portray yourself as strong successful voice in the community by sharing powerful meaningless one line memes, than it is to put on a smile and go out into the community and follow that advice. I just shared “Perception is not reality” Damn tooting, your perception IS my reality, watch me change it before your very eyes.
7. Squirmy people are fun to watch
If you are being a git correctly people will feel uncomfortable and squirm in your presence. You can practice your oratory skills when this happens and time how long it takes for their politeness to run out and see them bolt for the hills. Sometimes you will even be rewarded with a rather imaginative excuse.
8. Why go to a show when you can create your own drama.
People are endlessly amusing, push a few buttons here, pull a few strings there and that molehill can turn into Mt Everest right before your eyes. Most people are fools and run around with this absurd idea people are basically trustworthy and kind. Use that against them, they honestly never see it coming. With a little effort you can sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Don’t forget the buttered popcorn; you can use the salt to rub it in their wounds.
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Disclaimer:
All references to me, myself and I are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to the reader is … well if the boot fits then feel free to lace that baby up tight.
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Photo credit: (altered) Flickr/Jacob Bøtter