Here is a confession from a woman–we desire to feel heard, acknowledged, and loved.
—
Why is a brain doctor and mindfulness teacher writing about a corporate concocted holiday? Normally, my clinic and virtual counseling session are full between Thanksgiving and the New Year helping clients cope with the “holiday blues.” This year the holiday blues has transitioned into heightened stress over the looming arrival of Valentine’s Day.
By celebrating Valentine’s Day authentically, you will both feel more connected, at peace, and rekindle a spark.
|
There are few holidays as polarizing as Valentine’s Day, am I right? You either loathe the sight of paper hearts dangling around the office or you see it as an opportunity to get closer to the special woman in your life. I can hear my two brothers inserting groaning noises (and a few butt jokes) right now. They both viewed Valentine’s Day as an obligatory holiday to make up for all the trouble you have caused your woman since last February. As a female physician, I was working in a male-dominated field of neurology. Inevitably, colleagues would be pulling me aside a few hours from arriving home on Valentine’s Day confessing they still have not bought a gift.
What if we could bring together the brain science, psychology, and mindfulness together to make this Valentine’s day a more authentic holiday? By celebrating Valentine’s Day authentically, you will both feel more connected, at peace, and rekindle a spark that you know is still present.
♦◊♦
Here is a confession from a woman–we desire to feel heard, acknowledged, and loved. If some women chose to tie Valentine’s Day or other holidays to seeking connection, why not make it a win-win situation for both of you? How do accomplish this without having to fight the crowds in the mall on February 13th?
♦◊♦
1. Ask and you shall receive.
A cause of disappointment around any holidays typically stems from a breakdown in communication. Ask your lady what she wants to do and what gift would make her happy. Many of us have to be reminded that you cannot read our minds. We think we effectively dropped hints that we need a new gold necklace, white lilies or dark chocolates. However, we were not mindful that you were watching the NFL playoffs at the time. Ask one of both of these questions, “Can you help me plan something special for the both of us to do together on Valentine’s Day?” “I’d like to buy you something special, can you give me some ideas of what would make you happy?”
2. Write a love letter.
When a woman feels emotionally connected to her partner, a powerful hormone known as oxytocin gets released. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone for women and a step in building sexual desire. I hate to break it to you, but texting, “I’m horny,” is not likely to get anything flowing. Psychology studies show these hormones, and a subsequent feeling of connection, does not occur through digital communication. To feel a connection to the mind and body, we humans need a personal touch.
Don’t tell me that romance, pen and paper are all old school. Let her know how you feel. Let her see the words on paper and hear them from your voice. You don’t need to start studying prose. Finish the answer to one of these questions in your words. “I’d like to tell you all the things about you that I love…” “I’ll never forget the day I fell in love with you….”
3. Cook dinner together at home.
Don’t tell me that neither one of you can cook. Bust open a box of pasta with a side of sauce from a glass jar. There is something about the date “February 14th” that will make this meal prep romantic. Rev up the ambiance by setting the table and lighting a candle.
One of my most well-received meditation exercises in couple’s workshops is this simple breath exercise.
|
Now you have avoided the crowds, finding a last minute reservation, and the pressure of getting dressed up. You may not know that we may be silently suffering and feeling strangulated in Spanx to look hot in a red cocktail dress.
By preparing a meal, you are engaging both of your sensory experiences in the present moment. You are focusing on the task and meal at hand, and allowing the rest of the worries of the world to melt away. This is all doctor code for “cooking is foreplay.”
4. It is all in the breath.
One of my most well-received meditation exercises in couple’s workshops is this simple breath exercise. Sit facing one another (preferably with pets and children resting quietly in another room). Now take a deep inhale as if your breath is expanding the lungs of the person in front of you. Exhale together. You should not be physically touching each other–yet. Repeat this exercise ten times or until you breath is in sync. Let the rest of the magic flow from there.
♦◊♦
Any more creative ideas to bring the connection back into your romantic life? I’d love for you to share below with the rest of the Good Men Project community below.
—
Photo: Flickr/ Collin Key