The flier for next season came home last week, and the whirlwind debate began. Again.
Will you let your son play tackle football?
There has been a huge debate in our house about tackle football for a long time. Boy #1 is dying to play and asks on the average of twice a day. I know we’re not the only family going through this. I’ve met a ton of guys who’ve told me this conversation has been going on for years in their home, and there are two reasons why: because football is awesome and it can be brutal .
I played football through high school, so I know how tough it can be. I had the dubious distinction of being short and slow, so I was no star. But I stuck it out, took my lumps and I’m probably a better person for it. But I didn’t play until seventh grade because my mom wouldn’t let me. (Side note: she also wouldn’t let me play the drums and I still have deep-seated issues from that.) My neighbor played little league football and I envied the hell out of him.
I’ve been lucky enough to work with a few NFL coaches in my career and I’ve had some tell me they think flag football is a better way to teach young kids the necessary skills for football. I’ve followed that advice and Boy #1 has played flag for three seasons now. The coaches were right: his skills have gotten much better without having to worry about all the equipment, getting smashed, and having such a fantastic coach (I’d do a smiley face here if I didn’t loathe them). My original plan was to go with the seventh grade rule, but now I’m having second thoughts.
There are reasons for my second thoughts.
The first being that when your kid wants something so bad, it’s tough not to try and give it to him/her if you can. You want them to be happy. The second is that our local youth football program has such a great partnership with the high school and the community. The third reason is: most kids growing up today are soft. The discipline, concentration and determination it takes to play football pays off in other parts of life as well.
His mother is terrified at the thought of either our boys playing football. I’ve tried to put her at ease by telling her tackle football is not for most normal people. You have to be a little crazy to really excel. Smashing into people (and getting smashed) is not an activity that comes naturally to most of us, and a large percentage quit soon after boiling their first mouthpiece. When I started playing in seventh grade we had something like 75 kids try out. The next year it was less than half.
Let me tell you, getting the wind knocked out of you by some crazy bastard over and over again really makes a guy rethink not joining marching band.
We all start out the same way: we have these preconceived notions of what our kids will or will not do before they’re even born. You still hear them from people who don’t have kids or are expecting one. It’s the “my kid will never” comments. These little angels will never throw tantrums, play a violent sport, watch TV, eat sugar, play with his wee-wee, etc. Then those kids are born and everything changes. Your world is turned upside down and sideways.
You may love basketball, but your kid might be short, can’t dribble, and hates wearing shorts because they chafe the inside of his thighs. He might love to swim, dance or design dresses. You just don’t know. But one thing I do know: keep him/her from doing what they really love and you will regret it.
A buddy of mine is still pissed that his mom never let him play football and he still brings it up (with fire in his eyes) 30 years later. Not to mention, having to tell your sixth grade buddies you can’t do something because, and I quote, “my mom won’t let me” is a recipe for disaster. I’ve lived that nightmare.
What about you? Will you or do you let your kids play tackle football or is it just too dangerous?
—Photo Ian Kahn/Flickr
About Craig Playstead
My 11-year-old son has played baseball every year since he was 5 and he loves it. When it came time this past fall for peewee football, I was all for him playing. He might just be a little smaller than the average kid his age but there were much smaller boys on his football league. He really loved it. They practiced at least 4 nights a week for about 2-1/2 to 3 hours a night. I was surprised at how well he did at the practices, never once giving up because he was tired, hot, or thirsty. He came home sweaty, dirty, and tired every night but never once complained. He maybe got some bruises during the season but nothing major. I love being a football mom!
I don’t know. My son is 7. I’d probably try to follow your model and try to find a flag football league for a couple of years. I played when I was about 7 and HATED IT! I was not fast enough to be a running back. Too weak to be a quarterback. Lacked the catching abilities to be a receiver, so I was made a line man, just to get me in the game. I was too small for that. I can remember after about the gazillionth time I climbed up off my back thinking, “what are you hitting ME for? I don’t eve have the stupid ball!”
My issues with him playing football are much less about the potential for injury and much more my own issues of not being a fan of the game, and therefore not really wanting to be around it. He currently participates in contact karate, and I’d have no issue if he came home one day and told me he wants to join the local lacrosse league.
Honestly, if he wanted to try it, I’d probably let him try it one season with the hopes that he’d also not enjoy it, and decide not to do it again. Then I get the full daddy points for being supportive and giving him the opportunity to try it. If he ended up loving it, I guess that’s a chance I’d have to take.
I too am conflicted. When I wanted to start playing football at the age of 8, my dad was very hesitant. Even back in the 70s, he knew to be concerned about a young boy getting concussions and other issues associated with playing tackle football. Eventually he relented and I was allowed to play. Years later after a grueling Summer camp and joyfully dishing out a particularly nasty injury in a scrimmage, I lost my love for the game and quit playing. I was burnt out on football before my 14th birthday.
I’d like my son to avoid that early burnout and all the guys coaching 10 year-olds who think they’re the second coming of Vince Lombardi while never realizing that Lombardi thought of himself as a teacher more than a coach. I guess my plan is to coach his football team if and when he wants to play. For me, the best way to make sure my boy (and girl) avoid the down side of sports is to be there with them every step of the way.
I’m a member of the Positive Coaching Alliance (via a coaching certification through USA Rugby) and they’ve given me a lot of material to work with about implementing a positive team culture. I’d suggest checking them (http://www.positivecoach.org/) there’s tips there for coaches, players, and parents.
I certainly understand the concerns. But, having played through my college years, and reflecting on the personal challenges involved, the life lessons learned, the confidence and friendships it helped build, the physical and mental conditioning and habits it nurtured, the pride and respect of being involved in a sport requiring a certain amount of courage…even though it resulted in having a few extra pains at this point in life, if a young man has a burning interest, I would strongly encourage him to give a try.
In fact, with five kids, this has been the basic attitude we have approached almost all their decisions – whether relating to athletics, music or academics. – and, we’re fortunate it has worked out quite well. Ultimately, they gravitated to those sports and studies for which they were best suited and most competitive. And, we also learned that injuries are a part of most competitive athletics when seriously pursued – even soccer, gymnastics, basketball, swimming…not sure about golf!!
When ESPN’s Outside the LInes did a segment on NFL players who will not let there sons play football I did a post on this issue.
To answer Craig’s question outright, even though my son is only 18 months old I do not plan on letting him play football at any level except perhaps flag football. I hope to introduce him to other sports both team and individual but football will not be allowed. The research released last year by Purdue University that followed a high school team and looked at the cognitive loss in players who were not diagnosed with a head injury during the season (http://www.purdue.edu/newsroom/research/2010/101007NaumanFootball.html)
In the end I believe that this debate is healthy and the fact that science is helping us as parents understand the long term effects of our choices is a giant leap forward from what our parents had
“The third reason is: most kids growing up today are soft. The discipline, concentration and determination it takes to play football pays off in other parts of life as well.”
You lost me here. That is not a reason for football, but a reason for anything you need another reason for.
Great comments — thanks everyone.
The head injuries are my main concern — and are insanely valid. When doing my research, I came across one study that said girls soccer had an even bigger concussion problem — which shocked me. Concussion training should be mandatory not only for coaches of every sport, but also parents.
It’s really tough to also tell your son he can’t do something when he really wants to — especially when that thing is not only legal but endorsed by every school system in America. All sports come with some risk.
Great article, Craig. Lots to think about. I heard about this concussion thing with girl’s soccer too. Crazy, right? I would love to see a head injury comparison with American football and Aussie rules or rugby.
I’ve managed to get a concussion, partial ligament tear, bruised ribs and a shattered finger joint playing flag and touch football.
I didn’t get to play football until the spring training before 7th grade. I was the smallest guy on the team (or possibly tied) but absolutely loved it. I had a couple of teammates who outweighed me by 100 pounds and were a foot taller than me. Despite the disadvantage, I played a lot because I moved well, was tenacious as all get out and was good at running the defense because I had developed mentally where my cohorts had developed physically. I ended up giving up football in 9th grade because I was basically a little boy playing against pre-men (I wrestled 103 & 112 in the 10th grade and never had to put on a rubber sweatsuit) but I never have stopped thanking my parents for letting me play. I’ve played competitive baseball and basketball since but never have had the same kind of camaraderie as playing football.
There was a comment above about kids being soft and needing a touch of discipline and (paraphrasing) a bit of roughhousing. I really couldn’t agree more. I don’t know if football is the ideal sport for it but it is pretty good at teaching teamwork, discipline and physical toughness. Competitive team sports are all very good for kids, if you manage not to overdo it. Team-oriented individual sports are great too (train together but compete individually; tennis, track, wrestling). If it’s highly competitive, the toughness and discipline are a byproduct of wanting to win. I think they benefit girls too but combative sports are great for boys. Wrestling, martial arts, boxing, etc. are amazing for discipline, toughness, self-control and some of the other character items that some people think forthcoming generations of young people lack.
….and the debate will continue to rage on!!
I was a sports kid when I was young, even though I was overweight most of my life. First it was hockey, then t-ball, soccer, basketball and finally football, with almost all of them played at a competitive level at some point. But football was the one that really struck a chord with me. I loved the discipline, the camaraderie, the challenge of competition, and the workout. At 15 I was 6’0″ tall, 220lbs and fast, which suited me well as an offensive tackle and tight-end. Several years I was on teams that made it into championship games, and we took one home with us.
By the end of playing for 10 years I had broken my leg viciously, had to reset my nose twice, broken a rib, torn ligaments in one wrist, done possible permanent cartilage damage in both knees, and suffered anywhere from 7 – 10 low grade concussions, and one major one. I quit playing before moving up into a farm team system out of high school that may have seen me playing with a CFL team at some point in my lifetime because I had a discussion with my doctor about mobility when I am 50 years old.
I saw the rough side of the sport, but I can guarantee that I would let any child of mine play, if they wanted too. If I didn’t suffer those injuries playing football, i may have suffered them playing some other sport. Or, worse yet, I may have suffered them while running around with my friends on a Friday night instead of being at practice, working on a physical and social skill set that will serve me well through the rest of my life.
I look back on my football years with a huge amount of nostalgia and gratitude. I learned so much of what made me the man I am today while colliding violently with other prize focused adolescent kids (and I say kids because I played football against at least three young woman in the course of my 10 years). The biggest thing for me is that I knew when to quit. I had an amazing doctor who broke it down very simply for me and I chose a healthy life over the pursuit of a distant pipe dream. Everyday I am happy about it, and I wouldn’t hesitate to offer my children all of the opportunities that was presented to me.