A Gay Dad’s Requiem on the Legacy of Fred Phelps

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Rob Watson considers the effects that Fred Phelps and his church have had on the gay rights movement.

I have been fighting for LGBT rights for a long, long time. Fred Phelps was not always in that fight, but if feels like he was. It feels like he has always been and always will be anti-gay hatred personified.

He was not a contributor to the hardest time of that fight which was not the recent battles for marriage equality. It was during the escalation of the AIDS crisis. While so many of my wonderful friends became instantly sick and dying, the public landscape was filled with squeaky clean looking politicians and evangelicals who casually ignored or demeaned us. Our challenge as a community then was not to be embraced or given equality, it was to gain a modicum of dignity and respect. He was inspired by that lack of respect and sought to capitalize on it.

The nineties arrived with progressive gains were in process, still painfully slow. Then an event occurred that was so graphic and raw, that it tore not only at the heart of the LGBT community, but caught the attention of the mass population in a way that hundreds of thousands of deaths of gay men had not.

A young man named Mathew Shepherd was beaten and found crucified on a Wyoming fence.

The shock and horror of Matthew’s demise was magnified with what, or more to the point, who, came next: Fred Phelps.

Phelps and his Westboro Church were opportunistic. The high profile of the Matthew Shepherd case was the perfect chance for them to grab the notoriety they craved. While the nation reeled in shock, they picketed Mathew’s funeral and proclaimed that the young victim would burn in hell. We had not seen such bold insensitivity on the part of the homophobic voice before and it offended not only those who disagreed with it, but also those who shared its sentiments.

The Phelps clan’s appearance at the funeral began a very long and notorious career of protesting at as many visible AIDS victim and LGBT funerals as they could find. They also targeted Pride events and celebrations. They became the lightning rod of hatred towards gay people. When after time, they felt they were not getting enough attention for that hatred from an apathetic American public, they morphed their protests to include fallen American service people. They could barely rationalize this activity and were naked seeking to incite by picking targets of people whom the public revered.

Now, Fred Phelps has died. Many will celebrate, and many will make comments about picketing his funeral in an eye-for-an-eye retaliation. I will not be among them.

I do not respect Fred Phelps, nor do I forgive the pain he inflicted, but I value him. I value what he contributed to the struggle for LGBT equality. I am grateful that because of his presence, millions woke up to understand homophobia better and to confront it.

His activity had a dramatic and unintended consequence. He and his family became the mirror that many Americans had to face about their own attitudes about LGBT people. They did not like what they saw. Others who did not harbor such negativity themselves were made aware that such oppression existed. My blogger friend Ono Kono was one,  she wrote:

Two decades ago, I was unaware of the struggle of LGBT people. Back then, I was a busy working Mom, juggling career and family. I cared about others, but I was asleep when it came to their plight … I thank you Phelps clan for opening my heart to love, in spite of your hatred for my LGBT brothers and sisters. I saw the cruelty in your eyes, echoed by the pain in others who watched you. I don’t know what brought you down your path to hatred. I can only say, I thank you for being so open about it, but only because you helped me wake up to the horrid truth that people who hate still exist.

Fred Phelps and his Westboro Church believe what many who are homophobic out of “religious” principles espouse. Their anti-gay stance is based on a poorly thought out, superficial reading of the colloquially translated Bible. “The Bible says that being gay is a sin,” is the popular notion.

The Bible does not actually say that. What it actually represents is specific writings from ancient times, addressing situations in those times and places that have nothing to do with modern LGBT people. In order to make it apply to our current life, its proponents have to take passages out of historical or cultural context and demand only a calculated literal understanding of them. Fred Phelps has been their undoing.

Fred Phelps was been consistent. There is no way to approach Biblical interpretation, stay true to it, and not conclude that God does not only hate gay people, but that He wishes us dead, stoned, specifically. The Westboro Church has simply expressed the extreme but logical extension of the “Christian Principles” other anti-gay people also state and claim to support.

Phelps held a mirror up to the homophobic Christians as to what their “principles” looked like. They did not like what they saw. They saw hatred, but did not feel like haters. It forced many to take a more educated look at scripture and found their original uneducated comprehension was lacking. They found there were many ancient mandates there that did not apply to modern life, and they found that the passages they had ascribed to gay people both did not apply, nor did they feel the ramifications reflected the bigger core principles of love that they valued.

Fred Phelps became the example that no self respecting Christian wanted to become. Many actively readdressed their values and public tolerance of LGBT rights began to surge.

One of my blogs about my family got on the Phelps’s radar about a year ago. It inspired this tweet from Fred’s daughter, “Fag marriage is not about ideology or who’s ‘nice.’  It’s about obeying God as a Nation!” My sincere response to her was: “Thanks Margie. Your family has done more to propel gay rights forward than mine ever could. Congrats.”

That is my requiem to Fred Phelps. He was a man with a mission. His failure to succeed is his triumph.

He achieved the most epic fail in modern history. Not only did he not inspire a single person to his point of view, he drove millions away in revulsion. For everything he lost in personal credibility and respect, he helped fortify the well being of those he sought to destroy.

His contribution is iconic for that very reason. It is a lesson that today’s fundamentalist Christians who seek to discriminate under the banner of “religious freedom” need to absorb. My hope is that at the death of Mr. Phelps, they take a sober look at his legacy, and seek not to emulate it.

He is their current and present wake up call.


See this and more at http://evolequals.com/

Follow Rob Watson on Twitter @JandJDad

Photo provided by JJ Vincent

Editor’s note: This post has been updated to reflect the announcement of Fred Phelps death on 3/20/14.

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About Rob Watson

Rob Watson is the lead editor for the Dad and Families section on The Good Men Project. He is a gay dad, business man in high tech communications, a community activist and a blogger/writer. He is one of the founders of the evolequals.com blogsite, a regularly featured blogger on Huffington Post as well as a commentary columnist on LGBTQ Nation, Gay Star News, Impact Magazine, The Next Family and others. His stories and commentary have been read, shared and liked by hundreds of thousands of readers a year.


  1. wellokaythen says:

    Another awkward fun fact from the history of Christianity:

    Phelps was a big fan of the King James Bible. 400 years ago, the “King James” Bible was commissioned by, and named after, King James I of England, a man who had at least one male lover. That makes the “God hates fags” argument kind of awkward, doesn’t it? If God hates gay people, then He must have really mixed feelings about the KJV Bible. Best for Christians not to use that version anymore, I reckon.

    Then again, Christian fundamentalists could defend themselves with this fact. They could say they love the sinner and hate the sin, and as proof they can show how much they love the KJV. Proof right there — they love the Bible written by a gay man, they just don’t like homosexuality. Somehow I don’t see them using that argument any time soon.

    [Admittedly, “gay” as a term is a modern concept and may not really apply. Suffice to say his having a same-sex lover would probably lead people today to say he was gay or bisexual.]

    James I also wrote a couple books on how to hunt and kill witches, but those are much less commonly quoted nowadays. I wonder why that is? Could be that those 400-year-old ideas seem barbaric to us today…..

    Next week’s awkward fun fact: the medieval European Catholic Church had same-sex marriage ceremonies. Church-recognized same-sex unions are not a new thing after all. Awwwwk-waaard.

  2. Wonderfully written piece, Rob. What he did in support of the lgbt community in such a short time would’ve taken at least 5X longer had it been left to wind its way of normal social progression. In some ways I think God was guiding his destiny in what he was come here to do. Free will is a bitch, hey? 🙂 I don’t think it’s an accident that when his true purpose was fulfilled that his work this time was done and he could go home. So in some ways really the lgbt community owes a debt of gratitude, and we all as well, for Phelps dedication to moving us along faster than would probably have been the case.

  3. Thank you Rob. What a gracious response. So true and well thought out.

  4. Wes Carr says:

    I e-mailed Phelps and Pat Robertson awhile ago and reminded them of the old saying, “It’s better
    to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubts.” I suspect he will have a
    lot of explaining to do in the next life.

  5. W. Jansen says:

    Probably one of the best thought out passages I have read in a while. Thank you for sharing.

    • SGT Gregg Hierholzer says:

      I agree 100%. One of my friends were just on this same topic and he shares the same view that Rob does. I am also in the military so I get it from both fronts gay and military. I will not shed a tear when Phelps passes. I’ll probably go eat a pizza though as one down many to go kind of celebration.

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