RSVP to join weekly calls on Sex, Love, Etc.
He found a lover who tantalized him with her beauty, but he wanted someone who could move his soul.
—
Dating in a post-divorce world is easy and hard. Easy because I know what I’m looking for, and hard because that woman doesn’t exist.
At least, I don’t think she does.
Dating is challenging because I regularly find myself side-tracked and distracted by what matters. While I know that beauty is intoxicating, I’m also finding that it’s misleading.
I’d like to think that I’ve never been one to be drawn to someone only because of their physical beauty.
|
My recent encounter with an extremely beautiful woman had me in a spell. I could hardly think of anyone else but her. I could hardly do anything but focus on her. She filled my thoughts, emotions, dreams and life.
While there was little connection in our first conversation, I felt like I needed to pursue this relationship. Simply because she was so ravishingly attractive. I couldn’t give up the thought of not being with this beautiful woman.
I’d like to think that I’ve never been one to be drawn to someone only because of their physical beauty.
I’d never been put under the spell of beautiful women before, but this time I found myself unable to untangle myself from the tentacles of this Goddess. Each conversation felt more right and more wrong. It felt right because she was drop dead gorgeous. It felt wrong because she was hardly the right person for me.
It was in the moment of desire and what I believed was blooming love that I had to get a hold of myself, figure out what it was that I wanted, and bid her farewell.
What did I want in a relationship?
Love, compassion, empathy, simplicity, kindness, and an appreciation for the divine. A woman who appreciated the beauty of small things and enjoyed living in the present moment. A woman who stopped to appreciate the beauty of the world around her. A woman who didn’t follow the known path and listened to her soul’s desires.
These were the qualities that I wanted and this was the woman that I was looking for.
Unfortunately, this lovely woman I had met didn’t fit the profile. While she was a kind woman, we differed in passions and visions for our life. We both wanted something very different from a relationship.
Again, this was the easiest and hardest of decisions. Easy because I knew the answer and what I needed to do, and difficult because of her intoxicating beauty.
This Goddess’s beauty made me lose my sense of self.
Hormones overtook logic.
Desires overpowered rationality.
I let seduction blur my values in life.
In the thick of a relationship, your partner’s physical appearance is hardly going to save the day.
|
Every time we spoke, I knew this was not a match and I needed to end it, but I found it so difficult to do so. Even if we had little in common and were opposite in so many ways, I found it difficult to let go.
Eventually, I did and I’m so thankful for being able to find the courage to do so.
In the thick of a relationship, your partner’s physical appearance is hardly going to save the day. A cute partner isn’t going to make arguments easier to navigate and fights easier to avoid.
Not at all.
Physical attraction is important but for me, even more important at this point in my life were values, shared perspective, and shared life goals. I wanted compatibility on the things that really mattered in life, not physical attributes that would create momentary joy. I didn’t want someone who could tantalize me with her beauty, but someone who could touch my soul.
Yes, attraction matters but no, it doesn’t matter that much. In fact, it convolutes and confuses the situation more often than not.
If you’re dating for fun, the superficial world of beauty can be your sandbox.
But if you’re dating for keeps, don’t get caught up in the sandcastle of physical beauty that will quickly fade back into the shore.
For serious relationships, don’t lead with your eyes. Lead with your ears, your heart and your soul. OK, fine, your values.
Understand yourself first and acknowledge what qualities you’re looking for in a partner.
Get uber-clear on the values you hold dear and your perspective on the world so you find someone who matches those.
In the dating process, get disciplined on saying “no” to partners who don’t fit the criteria that matter.
Let’s find compatibility in our values, perspective and goals – a kind of beauty that doesn’t fade, but can last a lifetime.
|
More than likely you and I know, not at first glance, but in our first conversation if the person we’re talking to is the right one for us. Our intuition is a wise guide – it’s just we so often ignore it because our physical desires leave us dazed and confused.
If you lead with your desires, you’re bound to end up in a relationship that ends abruptly and that is filled with heartache.
If you lead with your values, you’re more likely to find yourself in a committed, lasting relationship.
Let’s look at her heart instead of her hips. Let’s examine his life goals instead of his height.
Let’s find compatibility in our values, perspective and goals – a kind of beauty that doesn’t fade, but can last a lifetime.
How often have you jumped into a relationship for the wrong reason?
RSVP to join weekly calls on Sex, Love, Etc.
What Now? Participate. Take Action. Join The Good Men Project Community.
The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission. All members see the site AD-FREE!
Register New Account
◊♦◊
Your ANNUAL PLATINUM membership includes:
1. Free and UNLIMITED ACCESS to participate in ANY of our new Social Interest Groups. We have active communities of like-minded individuals working to change the world on important issues. Weekly facilitated calls that lead to the execution of real-world strategies for change. Complete schedule here, with new ones starting all the time. We now offer 500 calls a year!
2. Free and UNLIMITED ACCESS to ALL LIVE CLASSES. Learn how to build your own platform, be a better writer, become an editor, or create social change. Check out our training sessions. As a Platinum member, you can take them all.
3. Invitation to the MEMBERS ONLY Good Men Project Community on Facebook. Connect with other members, network and help us lead this conversation.
4. Access to our PREMIUM MEMBER LIBRARY with our recorded ConvoCasts and classes. ConvoCasts are a new form of media—and you are in them! Only Platinum Members get access to our recordings. And recordings of our classes are really valuable for those who do not have time to take the live classes or just want to review.
5. An ad-free experience. No banner, pop-up, or video ads when you log in.
6. Weekly conference calls with the publisher and other community members. Our weekly calls discuss the issues we see happening in the world of men in a friendly group setting.
7. PLATINUM member commenting badge. Only members can comment!
Price for ANNUAL PLATINUM membership is $50/year.
♦◊♦
Your ANNUAL GOLD membership will include:
1. Free access to any ONE Social Interest Groups.Try them out! We have active communities of like-minded individuals working to change the world on important issues. Weekly facilitated calls that lead to the execution of real-world strategies for change. Complete schedule here, with new ones starting all the time.
2. Free access to any ONE of our live classes. Each month, we have the following: Learn how to be a Rising Star in media, build your own platform, become an advanced writer, become an editor or create social change. Check out our classes here. RSVP for any one class—if you want to take more, just upgrade to an Annual Platinum Membership.
3. Invitation to the MEMBER-ONLY Good Men Project Community on Facebook and all Weekly Friday Conference calls with the Publisher and community. Connect with other members online and by phone!
4. An ad-free experience. No banner, pop-up, or video ads when you are logged in.
5. GOLD commenting badge. Only members can comment on the website!
Price for ANNUAL GOLD membership is $25/year.
♦◊♦
Your ANNUAL BRONZE membership will include:
1. Invitation to weekly conference calls with the publisher and community. Connect with other members, network and help us lead this conversation.
2. An ad-free experience. No banner, pop-up, or video ads when you are logged in.
3. BRONZE member commenting badge. Only members can comment on the website!
Price for ANNUAL BRONZE membership is $12/year.
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
◊♦◊
“Here’s the thing about The Good Men Project. We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment. And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. For some people, that could get overwhelming. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. It is simply something we do—–every day. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
Photo: Pixabay
This sounds wonderful…but it is TRULY a romantic view of human nature rather than a realistic one. A realistic view of romance is that an 8,9, 10 thinks you’ll make a great friend if your a 1 through 5. As long as the 8,9,10 retains their outstanding looks, they are NOT going to be interested in dating/mating a 1, 2 and 3 – unless the 1,2,3 bring something VERY SPECIAL to the table – and no, I don’t mean good values. So what is the point – really and truly – in banging GMP readers on the head with a… Read more »
Is Vishnu lying to us in his bio? Is he really just a skilled carpenter that likes to write in his spare time?
Just wondering, because he tends to hit the nail squarely on the head every time.
I mean, he drove this one home in a single swing.
Men and women need to learn to live with each other once their physical beauty is long gone when they are in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s
So true! But how many of us do? So many 60+ continue to look for the “fountain of youth” in the young we gather around instead of taking the hard road. Working out, eating right and cultivating an inner joy.