Although Alex Barnett knows his son is Biracial, when he looks at him, he doesn’t see race.
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My wife and I are an interracial couple. She is Black, and I’m White. We have a three year-old Biracial son.
People often ask us what race our son is. He’s Black and he’s White. It’s not that complicated. But people act like the combination of that isn’t a tan kid with curly hair, but something complex and weird like a Picasso painting with 3 eyes on the same side of his nose. He’s Biracial, not bi-species. The last time I looked, Black and White were skin colors not planetary designations.
People want to know because they need to compartmentalize. It bothers people when things don’t fit neatly into boxes. So they keep studying my son trying to figure out whether he’s a White, Black guy or a Black, White guy, which I take to mean: is he Eminem or is he Wayne Brady?
I wonder what my son will be like when he’s older. I wonder whether we will go through a period when he’s angry at me or resents me simply because I’m his dad. Of course, I hope that we will not have to weather such a rocky and tempestuous period. However, if it is to be, I wonder whether the force of his feelings may be dictated by whether or not he chooses to affiliate more with one race or another. For example, as a Black man he may be angry about historical wrongs done to Blacks by Whites and may want to take out his anger and hostility on me. On the other hand, angry White guys tend to take hostages and go on shooting sprees.
Truth is, though I know my son is Biracial, when I look at him, I don’t see race. I see a three-foot tall tyrant and the source of my financial anxiety. I see why I’m tired all the time. But I don’t see race.
Yet, I know that race looms on the horizon for us. One day he will learn the history of the country. And, I wonder how he will feel on that day when he returns home to live in the house of a White man (me) who tells him what to do.
But, as much as I worry about how he will view me once he learns about race and racism, I worry even more about how he will reconcile those questions within himself. What’s it like to be both Black and White given the history of this country as it relates to race? What does it feel like to be a descendant (at least visually) of both the oppressor and of the oppressed? What does it feel like to be able to fit into the Black world and the White world but maybe not be accepted by either one?
I wish I had some advice on this one, but I don’t. Yes, as a Jewish person, I’m a member of a minority, but people can’t see my Jewishness. There’s never been a situation where I’ve been excluded from a situation because of my Judaism. Fifty years ago, there might have been. But, it’s never been my experience. Race, however, is a membership card that people can see.
So I worry I won’t be able to save him from difficulty and pain. And, saving him from those things is one of my top priorities, probably right after feeding him and keeping him safe. Yet, as every parent knows, saving your child from pain and hurt — unlike those other two priorities – is the one thing you will be unable to do no matter how hard you try. Pain, anguish, hurt – these are things that everyone will have to deal with at some point.
On the other hand, what if I’m creating a problem where there is none? The world is evolving constantly. Today’s kids may not have these same problems as we did. When I was my son’s age, it was 1970. People of different races did not mix and mingle the way they do now. In 1970, school busing and desegregation battles were still being fought. Now, it seems as if every third or fourth family we see is a multiracial one. And, that is to say nothing of the wide variety of people that you see mixing and mingling in big cities across the country on a daily basis. That’s not to say race isn’t an issue still, but things are changing, and by the time my son and his friends are young adults, the fact of his being Biracial or Multiracial may be considered not much more exotic or extraordinary than having brown hair.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I’m not that idealistic. I believe that in ten years when my son is celebrating his Bar Mitzvah (I didn’t even talk about the fact that complicating his racial identity is his religious identity), race will still be an issue. And, I feel like I may not be able to help him handle the issues with which he’s confronted. For example, what if he asks for advice on how to be a strong, Black, Jewish man.
Uh, I don’t know son . . . what would Jesus do? Or, what about Lenny Kravitz?
Photo: SteveGatto/Flickr
Yeah, in America today, being biracial is essentially being black.The good new is that racial mixing is becoming more common and more accepted than in the past. Hopefully, we can see that the beauty of the biracial and black experience will become, down the road, a more frequent occurrence as interracial marriages continue to increase. It is my hope that we will evolve into a more brown and inclusive society as the years pass.
I have 2 kids that are bi-racial, my son is 23 and my daughter is 17. Their dad is black and I am white, and I’ve never really seen any issues until last week. Maybe I was hoping that my kids wouldn’t be treated different, but I guess that is asking too much. I was having a conversation with my son and we got on the topic of racial profiling. He said that he feels uncomfortable going shopping anywhere because he is always watched and treated differently. The next thing he said brought me to tears then and now as… Read more »
Is this writer serious? Are you really asking “Why is race an issue?” When I read articles like these it makes me think no wonder we have not made any progress with race in America. As a Black man in America, race will be a factor in everything he does in life. He may be your son sir, but in America he will be Black. You need to be honest with him in how he will be preceived, the history of African Americans, and what he needs to do to manuever in America. Being Black is hard, so your son… Read more »
Exactly right! You can pretend that you don’t see race but your son will be seen and treated as a black man. Besides, I never believe people who claim that they don’t see race.
When people say, “I don’t see color” that is basically saying that I don’t want to come to terms with the differences that White and non White people have. It is incredible that White parents of Black kids are just shocked at what their children go through. Have you not went outside the house? Have you not turned on the TV and seen what we go through? You all have to be honest with your children and let them know that as Black people there will be challenges that they will have to go through because they are Black. And… Read more »
So it’s better to presumptive label a three year old as black, and not let him make his own decisions on himself based on experience rather than how people see his skin? It takes two to make a child not one, and this man knew what he was getting into when he married a woman of color. He knew there would be difficulty, and anxiety, and yet he’s still trying to instill good values in his son. If i prick my hand the blood will be red. If i prick the hand of an African-American, Native America, Middle Easter, ETC.… Read more »
*preemptively, Sorry about that. Auto correct on the phone being, a butt.
Hey there Alex, Wonderful honest and searching article. Thanks for sharing. Your question “For example, what if he asks for advice on how to be a strong, Black, Jewish man ” is so important because we are in the midst of a time when so many people are pondering the similar questions. We MUST start teaching our children from a young age that there is NO DIFFERENCE between a strong, Black, Jewish man and a strong white Jewish man or a quiet, tall, black Buddhist OR a strong, black, same sex attracted, Jewish man etc. These are externals and history… Read more »
Exactly right. You can pretend you don’t see race but your son will be seen and treated as a black man. Besides, I never believe people who claim they don’t see race.
Sorry, my comment was in reply to Leron L Barton
My son is bi-racial: half-Chinese, half- Jewish, but all American… he has friends of all races…sometimes he hangs out with his Asian group of friends, sometimes he hangs out with his dorky non-Asian friends at the park, and other times he hangs with his more creative and artistic friends from camp…he doesn’t speak Chinese or Hebrew, but he seems to be well accepted by his peers…tonight he is partying with his camp friends at a swanky bat mitzvah…it was very snowy and icy yesterday and he was bummed when I said it looked too treacherous to drive outside…later his friends… Read more »
I have to say that my kids didn’t encounter issues regarding their being bi-racial (Mexican and white) Even though my son even took on features that made him look more black then Mexican. His hair and dark complexion, he was often times thought to be black. Even more now in that he has dreads down to the middle of his back. The majority of their friends were white but they also had some minority friends as well. We never thought anything about it and I guess they didn’t either. Maybe it’s because where we live? Neither of the kids favors… Read more »
As a bi-racial child (Scottish / Irish / Filipino), I see myself as a Filipino. My Scottish / Irish father died when I was one. I was raised by my mom. My oldest brother is 5 years older than I and he identifies as white, but he’s also my only sibling who has memories of my dad. If your son is like me and other bi-racial (black / white) people I know, this is what I can tell you. He may identify more with one group or the other, but he’s going to have issues related to his other race,… Read more »