If we continue to provide a “one size fits all” model of programming for boys we will continue to fail them and our communities.
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Recently Promundo released a report entitled: Adolescent Boys and Young Men: Engaging Them as Supporters of Gender Equality and Health and Understanding their Vulnerabilities. This promoted a twitter discussion using the hashtag #Aboutboys. The purpose of the report was to continue conversations on improve the development of males. The conversation was extremely valuable. However, I felt there is a great need to further this discussion and produce content to extend the dialogue. From the Twitter chat there were three questions that stuck out to me.
Here are those questions:
- What do you think is difficult or challenging about being a boy today?
- What’s an expectation or stereotype #AboutBoys that is hurting their ability to be themselves?
- What kind of support do boys need to avoid violence, promote respect, and be their best selves?
What do you think is difficult or challenging about being a boy today?
The environment and relationships between boys and girls often becomes toxic and leads to many of the unhealthy, oppressive, and abusive dynamics that we currently have in our society.
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Many boys have been conditioned to suppress their emotional pain. Boys are coached to endure their pains and trauma of the world in order to maintain toughness and become victorious as a group. Most western societal custom in raising and rearing boys have suppress of emotions built into its core. This is often harmful and damaging to the developmental transition from boys to men. We must remember that many of our hurt men were once boys who have been through adversity that has often gone untreated.
What’s an expectation or stereotype that is hurting their ability to be themselves?
One element of the development of boys that we must keep in mind is that it just does not affect males. The impact on girls is just as drastic. Sadly, when males develop these nonconstructive development habits, expectations, and perspectives it also conditions many girls to adapt and accept these functions from boys. The environment and relationships between boys and girls often becomes toxic and leads to many of the unhealthy, oppressive, and abusive dynamics that we currently have in our society.
What kind of support do boys need to avoid violence, promote respect, and be their best selves?
Social and Emotional Intelligence is vital for healthy masculinity and constructive development of boys. If we are to be honest, the four elements of emotional intelligence (self-awareness, social awareness, relationship management, and self-management) are directly opposed to the current notions of the “Alpha male”. Hence, we have all these problematic behaviors with many of our boys today. In every program, project, and initiative that focuses on males we will be remised if we do not have social and emotional intelligence built-in to the core. However, in order for this to have the great impact we must understand the cultural context in which boys function. If we continue to provide a “one size fits all” model of programming for boys, we will continue to fail them and our communities.
Once someone adds ethnicity and socioeconomics to the equation, things began to even get more complex for our boys.
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I believe that these questions are valuable for everyone to attempt to answer. It is no doubt that we have issues with our boys. The historical socialization of males in western society has not been the most constructive. Once someone adds ethnicity and socioeconomics to the equation, things began to even get more complex for our boys.
This is why context is essential in developing programs and projects that focus on the social and emotional development of males. We must be intentional in understanding the background, motivation, and values of the males and the communities they come from. When we don’t, we do not take the necessary approach to assist the constructive development for the boys that need us.
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Photo: Pixabay