Jordan Gray wonders when our bodies became something we are supposed to apologize for.
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Losing my virginity took less than a minute.
I was so mesmerized by the beauty, openness, and curves of my girlfriend that I felt overwhelmed.
Every curve of her body begging to have my hands on them.
Every patch of skin that I touched softer than the last.
Her eyes staring into my soul with such depth.
Before physically being with a woman I had imagined that sexual intimacy would do something to me… but I had no idea the level of infatuation it would set off in my mind.
This is an open love letter to women’s bodies (with some always-requested action-steps at the end for the guys).
So, What’s Your Type?
Through fifteen years of serial-monogamy I have discovered something about my type; my type is no type. Or all types, depending on your perspective.
The older I get the wider of a variety of women I find myself being attracted to.
Throughout my life I have adored short, curvy women whose mere existence just begs to be picked up and swung around.
I appreciate tall, slender women whose little rib cages call out for my arms to wrap around them.
I find myself marvelling at the folds, flab, bones, curves, and angles of women.
Beautiful curvaceous women with figures like chandeliers.
Long, slender women with bodies like bullets straight through my heart.
Women with elegant necks, chewable collar bones, and hairlines that smell like everything that is right with the world.
It would be all too easy to say that your type is a 5’9 blonde with this and that feature… but if you are unable see the inherent beauty in all women’s bodies, you will forever struggle to see it truthfully in your woman’s body.
When Did Bodies Become Something We Have To Apologize For?
When I hear (mostly) women talking about how fat, weak, bloated, hairy, or oily their bodies are my heart springs into action.
Like a toddler who resists admitting that his unique piece of art really is that amazing, I lavish praise on the body-shame.
Her: “Does my butt look big in this jeans?”
Me: “Mmm totally! It looks fucking fantastic.”
All emotional resistance can be melted through with love and acceptance.
Not only does praise melt away body-shame in the moment, but it can also prevent it by constantly reassuring the owner of said body.
In my relationship, my partner doesn’t go a day without hearing about something that I love about her body (among other things).
If you are with someone, it’s because you want to be with them. Don’t just tell yourself “She knows that I’m attracted to her”… TELL her.
A lot of guys think… “If I tell her that I love her or that I am attracted to her body, that statement is still true unless otherwise modified.”
While a lot of women think… “I logically know that he says he’s attracted to me… but how does he feel about me now? Today? This very moment?”
For The Action-Takers Out There
For the men who are craving the usual action steps that occur in my articles…
If you are currently in a relationship, remind yourself what you love about your partners appearance.
When was the last time that you told her that her thighs absolutely kill you?
When was the last time you came up behind her and wrapped your arms around her beautiful torso and growled softly in her ear?
How long has it been since she saw the look of awe and disbelief in your eyes as you scanned her delicious body from head to toe?
Your woman craves praise and appreciation.
So tell your partner what you like and tell them often.
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If you enjoyed this post, you might also love reading:
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
10 Questions To Ask To Go Deep In Your Relationship
Half A Dozen Hacks For A Thriving Sex Life
The One Thing To Remember When You’re Dealing With Any Person, Ever
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This post originally appeared at JordanGrayConsulting.com and is republished on Medium.
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I praise my man everyday in every way he needs. I’m sincere, I don’t do it to “score points”. What type of man finds it impossible to tell his woman what he loves her, build her up emotionally, even one compliment a month, a loving touch, anything? I hate doing all the giving and my ego, small as it is never being stroked. He says he doesn’t want it to go to my head. It won’t! It’ll make me feel loved and cherished. Don’t we deserve that? Isn’t that what we all want?
thank you , yes, true. ~
The challenge I find in this is that many women won’t accpet those compliments. I truly fall in love with a woman and her body. It’s about chemistry. But quite often, the women I have dated refuse to believe the compliment, no matter how sincerely I mean it. So we have a double-edged swordL She feels I;m being disingenuous or insincere (or just tryong to be nice) and I get deflated because of instead of accepting the compliment, they defect it and seeem unappreciative of the comment. This doesn’t stop me from giving the compliments, but it does leaving me… Read more »
This tends to happen when the man professes tastes quite different from your body type, whether directly or when he is caught checking other women out or the celebs he thinks are hot or the porn he watches, etc. For example, if every other woman he is into has big boobs, then it may make you question the sincerity behind his compliments to your small ones….
My wife and I have talked about my lavishing physical praise on her-apparently for her it borders on over objectification. Has anyone run into this? Does only body praise need to be balanced with other praise? My other issue is that don’t partners (men in heterosexual couples of course) also need to hear that the women desires them physically? That is, if he has kept up his own physique to a reasonable extent. Body praise shouldn’t be this one-sided, right,
Tony, you’re rght. It doesn’t need to be one sided at all. If you want body praise and she wants little of it, then go with that. This article doesn’t aim to say “body praise is one directional and for women only”, it’s just a starting point. It’s an idea. Calibrate it to your relationships needs as you both see fit.
married….almost 23 years……..he has never told me …he loves my body. His loss….soon to be my gain. DONE.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am more attracted to a body shape than a size – hourglass. That’s not to say they always have to be a size 10 though. Just over a year ago I was dating a woman who I would guess was a size 18 or 20 (probably a 20) and I thought her body was amazing. Until that point I had – like the writer above – dated all shapes and sizes. It may sound a strange thing to say but any woman who has confidence in herself and knows how to make the… Read more »
Just for the record, you are not “wrong” for being attracted to an hour glass shape, however this is the shape that is *always* represented as the ideal female form in the media. As a woman, you’re “suppose” to have an hourglass shape to be considered the “right” kind of woman. I kind of have a thing slim, nerdy, jewish guy, both shot and tall, that sometimes wear glasses. But one of the men I was most attracted to was a tall, large man with facial hair, a little rough around the edges and not traditionally handsome as society would… Read more »
PERFECT. I often tell my guy that the day he STOPS doing those things is the day I begin to worry (he worries he does it too much).