Are You a Controlling Shrew if You Don’t Want Your Partner Using Porn?

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About Hugo Schwyzer

Hugo Schwyzer has taught history and gender studies at Pasadena City College since 1993, where he developed the college's first courses on Men and Masculinity and Beauty and Body Image. He serves as co-director of the Perfectly Unperfected Project, a campaign to transform young people's attitudes around body image and fashion. Hugo lives with his wife, daughter, and six chinchillas in Los Angeles. Hugo blogs at his website

Comments

  1. Henry Vandenburgh says:

    This is now being done to death.

  2. Perhaps Henry but unfornately its an issue that needs to be addressed. I’ve been chiming in in those other threads about its fine if someone doesn’t want to engage in that behavior but engagin in that behavior doesn’t translate into having no respect for women.

    How do you reconcile two forces that really cannot coexist in the long run?

    • Danny, if I enjoyed watching men called names and used for their money and masculinity, degraded for their money and masculinity, how many men do you think would think I respected men in general? Would consider me a stable good partner?

      • Well, yeah, Erin, I would. My wife enjoys seeing men degraded by women. She’s made men bleed with a whip, with a great big smile on her face.

        If I thought she actually believed, on any level, that men were inferior to women, and that all men should literally be used by all woman for their own pleasure, regardless of the interests of the men, then yeah, I would have run like hell. But that’s not the case at all.

        I know full well that those are just some of her sexual tastes, nothing more. She absolutely respects men in general, and is absolutely a “stable, good partner.”

  3. Your gender profiling doesn’t work in the real world where women use porn and couples use it together.

  4. if a woman has strong beliefs about porn being degrading and so on, she should find a man that agrees. If a man wants porn or whatever kink in his life, he should find a woman that suits him.

  5. If someone demands that their partner not watch the new Harry Potter film, because they (wrongly) fear that their partner has a crush on one of the actors (or something), is that a demand to be taken as seriously as the desire to watch Harry Potter? In the absence of any evidence that such a crush exists and/or has a detrimental effect on one or more of the partners in the relationship, I don’t think so. So why should a request to stop using porn prima facie be taken seriously? Sometime’s it’s legit, and sometimes it’s just insecurity. Call a spade a spade.

    • You’re comparing a non-sexual product that people aren’t masturbating to to a highly sexual product that people are masturbating to. Clearly the sexual aspect changes the game. That’s just common sense.

  6. Is a woman obligated to inform her husband and get his permission prior to masturbates while reading a novel thinking about the male lead? What if it just happens, unplanned? Is she obligated to tell him? Does she have to inform him that there are sexual acts described in the novel, and if he doesn’t want her reading it, is she obligated to cease and desist? Same is true of her thoughts while they are together. If she’s thinking of someone else, is that wrong and is she obligated to inform him and get his permission? If she policies his viewing activities, he has the right to police her’s (reading, viewing, and thinking/fantasizing) as well. Is this really what we want?

  7. “You’re comparing a non-sexual product that people aren’t masturbating to to a highly sexual product that people are masturbating to.”

    This is the crux of the issue, I think. Pretty much everyone agrees that it would be unreasonable, for example, to insist that you have your boundaries and perspectives that must be respected, therefore your partner must not read Harry Potter or watch sports. People disagree in that many consider it clearly, obviously, a different matter when we’re looking at a “sexual product that people are masturbating to.”

    To me, the fact that porn is a sexual product that is being masturbated to is irrelevant; it’s still literally true that one partner is trying to regulate the thought-life of their partner.

    http://gretachristina.typepad.com/greta_christinas_weblog/2010/05/can-watching-porn-be-cheating.html

  8. As Bill Maher said, porn is turning men into cootch potatoes, ha! I’m moving to Europe, where people actually want to fuck, like, for real and shit. Too many gorgeous women are dickless, b/c American men are too lazy to hunt pussy and would rather wank to a box.

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