You can make an online dating profile, but if you’re still holding onto fears, you’ll have a harder time letting BIG love in.
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One of the things I see both men and women do to hold themselves back from finding true love is hiding behind the idea of being too busy due to work life or other commitments.
Often, it happens unknowingly, but we dedicate so much time and energy to our success we can forget how much we deserve love.
Even if, at the end of the day, we yearn for it.
Maybe you have reached this place where you are finally ready to put yourself out there and meet the person who’s made for you.
There is so much more to finding and keeping the relationship made for you than just meeting the right person.
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If you are there, great for you! You absolutely deserve it.
There is so much more to finding and keeping the relationship made for you than just meeting the right person.
So many of us believe that if we just got ourselves online, hired a matchmaker, or went to all the right places where the single, high-quality people hung out, that would be it for us.
We think we aren’t taking enough of those actions, or aren’t going to the “right” places. We imagine once our profile would be created, a match would be made—and poof! True love.
I thought that, too.
I thought that after I “figured out” all the mistakes I’d made with my now-husband after he broke up with me the first time; I believed when he came back everything would be different.
I figured none of those same problems would ever come up for me again because I was open to our relationship being new and improved.
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I wrote down all the things I could have done better in our relationship and how it impacted us.
I figured out I needed to be less stubborn and more appreciative of him. That was my plan.
We did get back together and got married. I figured none of those same problems would ever come up for me again because I was open to our relationship being new and improved. I was self-aware now, and had realized a ton.
Then I would watch myself getting angry at him when I knew I didn’t want to, or knew I was being “irrational.”
It was as if someone else had taken over my emotions, that I was locked inside saying, “Don’t get mad! That isn’t going to help anything.”
Logically, figuring out what our problems were was a great start, but it wasn’t enough to create lasting love.
THIS is where I see so many open-hearted people get stuck.
You need to make sure you are truly open to love, and it isn’t about you simply saying, “I am open.”
Are you able to take that first step to create your Match or Tinder account, but when you get a message, you freeze?
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Here’s what I mean.
Are you comfortable sending a woman, or someone you’re interested in a smile from across the room?
When you’re talking to someone who really has your attention, are you constantly in your head, worrying if you’re saying, or doing the right things?
Are you able to take that first step to create your Match or Tinder account, but when you get a message, you freeze?
Get the idea?
These fears are signs something is stopping you from showing up as yourself.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
You can make the Match profile and get set up, but if you’re still holding onto fears keeping you closed off, you’ll have a harder time letting BIG love in. Just like me.
One of the best places to start exploring how you can affect a change is around the energy you offer when you’re around someone you find attractive.
How can I stay engaged and connect to this person in this moment?
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In those moments, when in front of someone who might be making you a little nervous, or as you’re about to send that first “Hello” message, the energy you need to harness can be honed by using this one mindset shift.
Try to think:
How can I stay engaged and connect to this person in this moment? Even if I never meet them again, how can I express and be myself? They’re just another human being. There’s no pressure here in simply connecting.
Everyone is just as nervous as you are. Ninety percent of who we are as men and woman is the same.
We just want to be understood, loved, supported, taken care of.
The other ten percent of who we are is what makes us male and female.
So tell them a funny story. Talk to them about the times you’ve been to the same restaurant, or bar with friends.
Whatever it is, focus on connecting.
When thoughts come up, such as, “What are they thinking about me?” or “Are they judging me right now?” just remember:
All you are doing is connecting with another human being.
When you’re in this place of feeling easy, energetic, confident and one with yourself, that’s when the right partner will come forward.
You need to tap into the place where you are truly open to love. That’s all.
If you keep thinking if you go out more, spend more time online, or meet more people and if you believe that’s your path to meeting someone and making your love life look different, you will have a difficult time getting to where you want to be.
…dive into the places in you that you need to clear out so your REAL partner can step forward.
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If you’re reading this, it means you’re ready to do more than the easy stuff…like showing up at the bar.
You’re ready to dive into the places in you that you need to clear out so your REAL partner can step forward.
No more asking friends for advice when they don’t have a relationship you admire.
No more letting the pressure from family, or married friends trick you into thinking it’s not possible to have everything you want.
Connect with yourself, with your desires, and be REAL about the places within yourself you freeze up, shut down, or hold back.
When those places can be released, you’ll discover you’re truly open to an amazing relationship.
In the comments below, I hope you’ll share some of the fears you have when you think about BIG love showing up.
Acknowledging and revealing these fears immediately lessens their power.
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Photo: Flickr/maf04
I think that connecting is the key. As early as possible – connect! Don’t hold back, don’t settle for less than what you truly want in a relationship. Be yourself, as awkward as that can be be in the early stages, you have to be true to what you need and desire in a partner. Let’s face the facts, games will be played on the dating field(?), don’t allow that to sway your focus. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst! Above all – be honest with yourself. You will be so much happier.