You’ve seen this scenario play out before, this is how work affairs start. And they never have a happy ending.
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You slam the door frustrated. For the third time in the last two weeks you’ve started off your day upset. Speeding through traffic you’re completely agitated, venting, “Why do we keep having the same argument?” You storm into work as coworkers watch and sense your frustrations.
Your new coworker, who’s “easy on the eyes,” stops to share a quick laugh. You chuckle, hesitantly. She asks, “Everything all right?” You want to say, “no,” but instead, you keep your cool and tell her that you’re just having a rough morning.
“Don’t sweat it, mine gets under my skin too,” she smirks, assuming it’s relationship-related stress. Secretly, you’ve been admiring her from afar already.
Then, at lunch, she approaches your table as your sitting alone. Small talk ensues and she asks if she can sit, and you politely welcome her, she thanks you.
What you’ve feared hits you — You’ve gone way too far.
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Having lunch with her, you’re unsure if you should be sitting there together. You figure one time isn’t going to hurt anyone, but something doesn’t feel right. Sharing long talks, you both quickly learn more about the other. You begin to give her compliments, and she compliments you back, as you keep welcoming each other’s company.
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You start teetering a fine line with flirting. She makes time to talk with you every day and see how you’re doing. Other coworkers mention how much you two gawk at each other, as they sense the sexual tension between you two. You secretly start to connect with her on social platforms and you begin to fantasize even more about her.
As time goes by, she begins to share openly with you intimate details about her boyfriend and their relationship. She shares her relationship troubles, and how she’s fed up and unsure of what to do anymore. She wants your advice and asks an open ended question; “What do you think I should do?”
You freeze up, unsure of what to say, as she awaits your response. What you’ve feared hits you — you’ve gone way too far.
You’ve remembered the promise you’ve made to your girlfriend. That you wouldn’t share or disclose personal relationship details, and sharing problems at home with anyone of the opposite sex was off limits. Much less someone you’re physically attracted to and have become emotionally involved with too.
You’ve seen this scenario play out before, and this is how work affairs start.
Things at home are rocky, and then they come to work venting their frustrations and they find friendly comfort with a coworker or boss of the opposite sex and that leads to an affair. All of the relationships sour and nothing works out in the end. You don’t want that, but you know you’ve crossed a line.
Avoiding the physical affair when emotions are involved
#1 — Stop It
It feels nice to flirt, but if your girlfriend could see you would she like what she sees? Getting a new job isn’t the short term solution. Back off and eat at your desk or eat out, stop leading her on more than you already have, and find a new work circle to hang out with.
#2 — Grab a Breather
Step back and remove your emotions; before they lead you to a place you’ll regret. Find time to turn off distractions and meet up with close friends who are positive voices of reason. A clear head is needed and talking to same-sex confidants can declutter the mental and emotional mess.
#3 — Makes Some De-stressing Habits
Spend quality time reestablishing habits that ease your stress. Take routine walks. Then, slowly begin to reevaluate what you want from your current relationship and don’t consider a new one until this relationship has ended, if it needs to end.
#4 — Moment of Truth
You’ll have to explain what’s been going on at work, and make things right at home with complete honesty. Once your girlfriend knows, you’ll be able to see the next step with you and your girlfriend. But by avoiding this step, you’ll only prolong the inevitable. Thus, leading you back to the same dilemma, eventually.
It’s fun to flirt, fantasize and tip toe boundaries, but you’ve gone too far.
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Without question, you’ve crossed a line, and this is the time to turn the situation back in the right direction. As you hesitate to answer your coworker’s question, “What do you think I should do?” you gently mention your girlfriend and bring your girlfriend into the conversation.
Then, you politely shift back, “You should be honest. Let them know how you feel.”
Secretly, you want your coworker to know that any man should be honored to be with her and she deserves to be happy, but you can’t say that. Because you’re done leading her on, and you’re not the cheating type. It’s been fun to flirt, fantasize and tip toe around boundaries, but you’ve taken it too far and it’s time to come clean and start over.
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Photo: Getty Images