Together, we were all guilty of collective inaction.
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The Twitter hashtag, #betheswede, is the new “If you see something, say something” motto after the world became focused on the very real issue of sexual assault following the sentencing of The Stanford Rapist, Brock Turner. The two cycling heroes, Peter Jonsson, and Carl-Fredrik Arndt, were not the only Swedish men to intervene in crimes in 2015.
Would you #betheswede and pull a man off of a defenseless woman or off another drunk person? Or would you shrug your shoulders and mind your own business?
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Last April, four Swedish police officers were in New York City on vacation and used appropriate police force (an arm-bar) to subdue a man who was beating a homeless man senseless on the subway. Their calm and timely intervention was hailed as “the way police should act” in a society where police brutality is becoming an expected outcome of interactions with the police.
There is an issue with a herd mentality, when intervening is the exception and not the rule, and we inadvertently tend to condone behavior that we don’t find acceptable because we are too afraid to act. Why are we so reluctant to do what the Swedes did?
In Chicago on North Avenue Beach on Memorial Day weekend this year, a video shows a fight emerge between two men. Not only does nobody attempt to stop the fight, but people stand around videotaping and eventually join into a massive brawl.
We watch these videos and listen to these accounts with despair. Why are we allowing our society to spiral into debauchery? Why does it take two Swedes on bikes and four Swedish policemen on a NYC subway to show us that our cultural norms have become shockingly tolerant of violent behavior? What would you do if you saw a man raping a woman behind a dumpster? A fight at the beach? Would you #betheswede and pull a man off of a defenseless woman or off another drunk person? Or would you shrug your shoulders and mind your own business?
All of these people watching and nobody stepped forward. I didn’t either.
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My own lack of intervention shames me and the memory of the incident still haunts me to this day. I was young, about 23 years old or so, and visiting my friend in Los Angeles. It was Halloween night, and we were excited to go clubbing like we used to back in graduate school. There were elaborate costumes, alcohol-fueled dancing, and a packed house in a large club.
My friend and I noticed a circle of people forming around two people on the dance floor—a young man and a woman. I noticed some men had cameras out. What was happening? On the dance floor, a woman was bent over like a limp rag doll and was being raped in the club. Whatever was happening on the dance floor was not consensual as she was completely doubled over and the boy (I’ll call him a boy) kept having to readjust his grip on her hips to keep her from falling to the floor while he was ramming her from behind. He seemed to be enjoying the attention, and I watched in horror as nobody ran up to rescue her. Where were her friends? Did she know this guy? Why was nobody helping her? All of these people watching and nobody stepped forward. I didn’t either.
My weak justifications came bubbling forth: I’m not from around here. Maybe this was normal behavior for this club. I saw other people having what looked like consensual sex in the VIP booths; maybe this was just something people saw all of the time and ignored. And then came thoughts of true delusion: I’m sure she knows him. They probably came together and are drunk. What if I tried to stop him and she pushes me away? What if he hits me if I try to separate them? Surely her friends are nearby and would stop it if it wasn’t okay. Surely…
Looking back, as an older and more experienced person, I wish I would have done something, anything, to stop what was happening. It wasn’t only me who allowed this very public humiliation to happen—hundreds of other clubgoers didn’t try to stop him either.
Any woman in the immediate area consciously or subconsciously absorbed the fact that nobody would intervene to help if they found themselves in a similar situation.
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Together, we were all guilty of collective inaction. Our group paralysis reinforced his behavior. Not only did it send the message that his behavior was socially acceptable, but it also encouraged other men that nobody would stop them if they also wanted to get some action in the club. Any woman in the immediate area consciously or subconsciously absorbed the fact that nobody would intervene to help if they found themselves in a similar situation. Feeling incredibly vulnerable, I immediately stopped drinking and stayed close to my friend for the rest of the night.
We need more people to break from the herd mentality to do the right thing. The honorable thing. Be better than the violent criminal perpetrators around you and take a risk to save another human being. We need more interveners and less shoulder-shruggers in our society. Already, violence and rape are too commonplace in our culture, and it is up to us to change it. Be the Swede, be the hero, if you see something, do something—adopt whatever mantra will stick in your head but just be better. Be better.
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Photo: Getty Images
There is an issue with a herd mentality, when intervening is the exception and not the rule, and we inadvertently tend to condone behavior that we don’t find acceptable because we are too afraid to act. Why are we so reluctant to do what the Swedes did? Because of fear. Fear that you yourself may get attacked by the violent person in question. Fear that the violent person in question has friends nearby that will attack you and then no one will help you. Fear that if you try to intervene the crowd may jump in and turn it into… Read more »
Not all of us are he-men with bulging muscles, you know. If I intervened in such a situation, I’d probably just get brutally beaten or killed, and that wouldn’t help anybody.
The cold, hard truth is that for many of us, looking on in horror is the only thing we can do.
If someone steps forward, chances are that would trigger more people to step forward. We don’t need to only look on in horror
Yeah, David, you can also get killed or beaten by the arriving police.