Chances are, every single one of us, at least once in our lives has been told, told another, or heard the phrases ‘man up’, ‘stop being a pussy’ or ‘don’t be such a girl’.
–––
Admittedly, by the age of mid-twenty-something, some of us might find it a lot easier to brush aside such remarks than we did as a teenager.
What these phrases continue to do, however, is tell us that whatever it is that we’re doing – being true to our emotions, avoiding risky behaviour, or standing up for something we believe in the face of conflict – is not what society expects of us.
beyondblue, in conjunction with the NHRMC Centre of Research Excellence in Suicide Prevention and the Black Dog Institute, has just released their ‘Men’s Experience with Suicidal Behaviour and Prevention’ Final Report. The report studied groups of men aged between 18 and 67, who had survived a suicide attempt in a period of six to 18 months prior to the study.
Core Features of Suicidality
Two of the four core features of suicidality – or contributing factors identified in the report were ‘unhelpful conceptions of masculinity’ and ‘social isolation and other ineffective coping strategies’.
The report described the ‘stoic’ core beliefs and values held by participants as including ‘emotional toughness, ‘a sense of obligation to manage stress or negative emotions by themselves’ and ‘an unrealistic expectation of being able to cope with difficult situations, and about feeling happy’.
A failure to live up to these constructions of ‘manliness’ lead participants to feel ‘a sense of lost control, guilt, negative self-evaluations, and anxiety about having weaknesses or their failures revealed’.
As for social isolation, the study revealed that men sought isolation to avoid having to put on a ‘front’, appearing weak, or as one participant put it: out of ‘pride… it’s my problem, I’ll deal with it, I’m a man’.
It’s fair to say that mental health is not so much of a man’s issue as it is an issue of Man.
27% of participants, when asked what kept them from seeking help in their darkest hours, responded with ‘society’s view of men – this expectation that men are tough and should be able to deal with their own issues’.
These unattainable and destructive conceptions of the Real Man are perpetuated inter-generationally, through popular culture and crucially, in the schoolyards of the younger generation.
Who is Hinton?
Hinton was launched by Young Vagabond in 2015 as a magazine and online resource to help young men critically deconstruct these gendered stereotypes and understand the importance of being true to themselves, and not to some fictional model of Man, typified by his bulging muscles and entourage of swooning women.
Young Vagabond itself was begun as a magazine aimed at young women – providing an alternative source of positive media that promoted the achievements of women everywhere, encouraging them to forge their own path, and ultimately – to kick society’s expectations of girls in the balls.
As their reach and influence spread, YV expanded into a series of high school workshops aimed at both young women and men, providing them with the tools to deconstruct society’s expectations on their own – and it was here that Hinton was born.
Do Men’s Issues Affect Women?
There’s no question that this issue of Man is one that inherently and materially affects women. 56% of participants in beyondblue’s study either agreed or strongly agreed that their increased aggression towards others, including women, was a warning sign of their depression or suicidal thoughts. Only 22% disagreed.
I interviewed former AFL footballer and ambassador for both White Ribbon and Step Back. Think, Luke Ablett, for Hinton. He viewed the link between the pressure to ‘be a man’ and violence, both in domestic setting and on the streets, as undeniable.
He stressed,
“we need to talk about why men are doing any kind of violence, not focus on the person it’s being directed at. That’s a really key shift. The dominant group doesn’t pay attention to itself – it doesn’t like the status quo being challenged. It tends to shift the blame onto others so it doesn’t have to review its own actions.”
It’s a massive cultural shift, and an attitude that is so deeply ingrained in masculine society that inroads must be made at an early stage. The importance of teaching the next generation of young men that they don’t owe it to anybody to live up to some construction of Man is key.
YV’s workshops teach these young men that by attributing gender to particular personal characters, for example, male strength and assertiveness or female compassion and generosity – we ultimately limit ourselves in our capacity as leaders.
The central takeaway from Hinton’s content and YV’s male workshops is that there is no such thing as a ‘good man’, just a good human.
There is no question that mental health is an issue the extends far beyond men alone, and pressures of masculinity sit upon a wide spectrum of factors that can have an impact. Understanding this, and igniting the conversation, allows us to reflect and respond.
If given the chance to go back in time, Ablett’s advice to his hypothetical, 15-year-old self echoes the objectives of Hinton:
“Don’t be so scared. And I’d probably give that same advice to my 25-year-old self. Don’t be so scared of being caught out for being who you really are.”
You can read beyondblue’s report here.
If you think you or someone you care about may be suicidal, you can talk to trained mental health professionals 24/7 via www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support or via email.
Originally posted on Hinton
Feature Photo: andybullock77/Flickr
As a man and a man who has dealt with depression in his own life (as did my father before me and my sons after me), I think these issues are important to address. I look forward to reading the report your helping spread the word.
“The central takeaway from Hinton’s content and YV’s male workshops is that there is no such thing as a ‘good man’, just a good human” …. is all I needed to read ….
Excuse me while I make sure my equipment is still intact.
I don’t understand your comment re:your equipment being intact vs being a good human, Tom. Are you implying there are good men vs human. So the adjective of male comes first as in male human? Vs human male?