When women objectify men’s bodies, how does that affect our cultural concepts of desire and agency?
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I love Pinterest. I know I am not alone in this. It is my go-to site for between-task time-wasting, and I’ve found endless inspiration there over these past months. I have, however, realized that there are some things I really don’t want to see in my feed. They include:
- Food: I am a lousy cook but an excellent eater. Seeing endless photos of Peanut Butter Butterfinger Pretzel Brownies with Salted Caramel Frosting and Fudge Dipping Sauce just makes me hungry. Even when I’m not actually hungry.
- Thinspiration: Needs no explanation.
- Fitspiration: I feel that the lines between thinspiration and fitspiration are blurry, so I just avoid both. Also I don’t need to see a thousand different ways to do crunches.
- Hunky half-dressed male bodies: That’s what we’ll be talking about today.
So I’m a heterosexual woman and I totally dig man bodies. I also know that men have been sexually objectifying women for ages and that it may seem like objectifying them back is a way of restoring some sort of balance. I also also know that users of the Internet post, pin, and say things far worse every second of every day. But I can’t help myself. I’ve gotta say something about this.
Think about the phrase “man candy” for a minute. It’s fantastically demeaning. Demotes a human being to something sweet, temporary, and devoid even of nutritional value. Think about the golden rule. If you found a similar board featuring scantily clad women’s bodies labeled “Yummy,” how would it make you feel? Think about how hard we have to fight to turn the tide of socially sanctioned objectification of the female form. And how little progress we’ve made so far. Will objectifying the male form really help in that battle? How could it possibly? At what point in time have two wrongs actually made a right? Think about what a Pinterest board is: It’s a collection of images meant to inspire you. What does it mean when women are filing away half-naked male bodies like so many recipes or home decoration ideas? If we want a diverse beauty ideal for ourselves, shouldn’t these man-focused boards include short men, hairy men, fat men, old men? I know that to be human is to be hypocritical. But I also know that choosing to publicly objectify sexualized male bodies just makes it easier for men to publicly objectify sexualized female bodies. If we’re doing it, how can we reasonably tell them not to?
Empowering women is my main goal in life, but respecting other human beings will always be one of my core values. And that holds no matter what sex, gender, or sexual preference those human beings express. Men are people. If we want them to treat us with more respect, treating them with LESS respect is a patently ridiculous way to go about it. This is not “a taste of their own medicine.” This is feeding the problem we’re trying to fight.
I will say that many of the man-focused pin boards I see my fellow pinners creating aren’t quite as titillating or pants-peeling-focused as the screenshot above. But they’re also more prevalent than I would have expected, and even the tamer ones almost always include a couple of greased-up washboard ab shots. Pinterest has relatively few rules and I doubt that they’ll ever enforce a ban on “man candy,” which is fine. I won’t be leading a puritanical crusade against pin-up shots anytime soon. I just wanted to point out that regardless of sex or gender, all human bodies can be objectified. And no matter whose body is being objectified, it has the potential to affect us all.
This article originally appeared at Already Pretty, where the author suggests you have a look at the insightful discussion in comments.
Photo—Foxtongue/Flickr
So finding someone sexy is turning them in to a thing?
Enjoying looking is shameful and wrong? This is my biggest hangup with feminism… how much it hates sex even as it tries to tell you it loves sex.
Men have gotten away with thinking that women don’t care how they look. Look around – you’ll see ugly men with beautiful women everywhere. It’s obvious that the man offers something more than the way he looks.
How often, though, do you see a good looking man with an ugly woman? Never.
For me, I get turned off by men who objectify women, and its just not in my nature to objectify men. I would feel like such a douchebag & superficial if I did. Personally, I can’t be turned on by a man if I don’t know him. And yes, I love the male body. I think it a work of art, even if it has a few extra pounds… who needs the sixpack! Men’s bodies are beautiful! But the only time I want to objectify a man’s body is if he’s the man I love! And the only time I… Read more »
Really, men and women have been sexually objectifying each other since the species first evolved. Assessing the other sex for reproductive potential is the most natural and unavoidable human behaviour there is. The idea that it demeans people is hysterical nonsense, more feminist puritanism that serves no purpose but to privilege a weird utopian ideal over human nature. It has always happened and will always happen, and the more that people like you try to repress and deny it the more distorted and corrupted it will become. The current excess of focus on sex is not the result of sexual… Read more »
Nicely stated, Adam. I sometimes wonder about the hysteria about people’s private thoughts and fantasies – shouldn’t all that outrage be directed towards the way people behave towards others instead of their private thoughts? Is it fair to assume that, if someone watches porn or looks at photos that objectify men and women, that person is going to do the same to real live men and women? Because I’m quite sure every man I’ve dated has watched porn that I myself would find somewhat degrading to both men and women, and yet they’ve all been decent fellows – kind and… Read more »
I started entering the job market at the tale end of the Eighties (if you do the maths I will have to confiscate your calculator!) as a Saturday boy, you understand, I was still in full time education (just in case you are doing the maths. The difference in years are very precious to me as I near the top of the hill, so I don’t want any extra ones added on.) and soft porn still existed in the work place then, in the form of calendars usually, or possibly page three girls. Nothing top shelf, but I felt deeply… Read more »
To the author: What would be really an equalizer is if women would act like us men. That is: if I ever say to a woman she is pretty that means I want to sleep with her. Flat out, and right now. But I cant say that. So feminizm has not done anything for me in that way. Not in any way at all, actually. I am a man. But women are still allowed to say something to me, and they have since I was 4 (grown-up women, mind you), but when I respond (as an adult as well, for… Read more »
Are you suggesting that women don’t want sex? I’m rather confused by your entire post.
Yeah, me too. Maybe he means Women don’t want ‘Wham Bam ,Thank You Ma’am’ sex? Actually, speaking for myself and other men I know, we really don’t prefer this either. Taking it slow and making it last all night is just fine with us!
I would be interested in research about how women are actually responding to images of partially naked men. How much do they focus on these images? Do their male partners know that they are stock piling these images? Are their male partners bothered or not by their stock piling of these images? Are women physically masturbating to these images. And what percentage of women are actually posting and sharing these images vs the collective population of women.I’d also want to know if women use these images to fill in their thoughts while having sex with their own partner. I also… Read more »
I suspect although the number of women using this kind of image is still fewer than men that using this kind of image, the number is increasing fast. The most important factor is the internet, and the rise of personal blog, tumblr, and pinterest. I think the reason why we find so many internet picture of sexy male bodies but so few real life picture is because the anonymity of the internet, where women dont need to embarrassed themselves going to store to buy playgirl, only to buy magazine with photographs actually not meant for women, but for gay men.… Read more »
Depends if it’s for fantasy, and is she happy with her man? Is she expecting him to earn more? I am sure some will be insecure, I myself would only be worried if she isn’t happy with me. Look all you want but give me more lovings than the porn, love me for me and it’ll be ok.
Archy, when my one daughter was away at college, the one thing I noticed with her roommates was that the ones in ‘Deep’ relationships (Like my daughter) didn’t have the ‘Beefcake’ posters, but the ones with NO relationships (and it never fails to make me wonder how sweet, intelligent, good looking young women are ‘Stag’) or one of those ‘It’s better than nothing’ relationships always had those posters with the good looking guy with the muscles, all oiled up with either the ‘Tidy Whites’ (Leaving nothing to the imagination) or the pants pulled low enough to show ‘The Pubes’ on… Read more »
Yeah my desire for porn, etc is high when I am single since it’s boring as hell being single, when I like someone my desire focuses pretty much on them alone mostly.
Am I the only one that doesn’t think “man candy” “eye candy” etc is objectifying? At what point is the person saying their only worth is their looks? Candy is a term to denote a valuable attribute, just as genius is a valuable attribute of the intelligence scale. When I see someone call someone eye candy, I think that person is saying they are extremely beautiful, not ONLY WORTH THEIR EXTREME BEAUTY. A photo of a naked man or woman is not objectification in my book, it’s a man/woman naked, a human naked sharing their naked body (and in some… Read more »
I’m not sure I buy this argument that “objectifying” someone is wrong. Business people objectify people by quantifying how much revenue they bring into a company. By looking at someone and observing their beauty, how, exactly, are you hurting them? All this language of “objectification” comes from an age where women, and specifically women, were relegated to a position in society where their opinions didn’t matter. They were closer to objects: to be looked at but not listened to. Now THAT’S wrong, but society has at least partially changed. Now I, at least, I respect women’s opinions. Women can be… Read more »
Thanks for your post. I’m kind of glad to see men portrayed sexually more often. Here’s why: Since men and women are both sexual creatures, I think it’s silly to try to shove our sexuality under the carpet. But I don’t like a world where women are portrayed as the only sexy ones, and men are ignored. Instead, I think it’s helpful to recognize the sexiness in men – without going overboard. Acknowledge that there are sexy men by having them appear in media, but don’t objectify them like that’s all they are. At the same time, I’d like to… Read more »
This is the way I see it. Somewhere in the past of feminism, women recognized the “patriarchal society” was oppressing their sexual freedom; that they should be able to express themselves just like men. Setting aside whether or not men were particularly free themselves, it was clear that women were damned if they didn’t, and especially damned if they did. Shortly thereafter arose a movement based on the demonization of men and male sexuality in the eyes of some feminists, that by being more free with sex, they were only playing into the hands of their “oppressors.” They created, or… Read more »
Personally I don’t mind porn, I like porn. What I don’t like is objectification. I like sexy people not sexy things. That said, yes I do have an image folder of pinup shots of dudes (personally I like them skinny and androgynous, like young Bowie or Iggy Pop). I like looking at naked men (and women frankly) because well, I enjoy having something to look at while I enjoy my hitachi). I’ve no problem with men enjoying pictures of attractive naked ladies as long as they’re thinking “Oh yes, that is a sexy human” and not “that is a sexy… Read more »
I have a question regarding: “I’ve no problem with men enjoying pictures of attractive naked ladies as long as they’re thinking “Oh yes, that is a sexy human” and not “that is a sexy thing.” this statement is interesting. I’ve heard/read it said by many women–oops I literally almost typed “meany”…freudian slip maybe? My question is how is it that women literally are claiming they know what a man is thinking when he looks at a woman (or man) he finds pleasurable to look at? more questions… how do you know exactly what a man is thinking? what kind of… Read more »
Got to agree with you on this one AB. Like I’m sure you can look at a picture and say “He’s probably kind to animals, scored 1400 or so on his S.A.T.s in high school etc…” I mean come on people! Unless you actually know the person in the picture, OF COURSE their an object! And this is something both Men AND Women have done for ages. It’s just that for the most part throughout recorded history Men were the only ones allowed to admit it!
Huh? Anybody I don’t know I automatically regard as an object? That’s pretty absurd. Treating someone as an object means treating their interests as not mattering. If I have no contact with the person in the photo, I may or may not think they matter as a person. I agree that it’s bad if I think they don’t. But it’s hardly proof that I don’t that I don’t bother to find out everything about them; doing so would likely be kind of nosy and stalkerish, really.
I think men and women looking at sexy images aren’t really too concerned with appealing to the person’s humanity or are thinking about how much they are or aren’t objecitfying them. They are most likely looking at a sexy image and saying “that’s sexy”, having some kind of physical and/or emotional reaction to the image because of how it fulfills their own sexual desires, and moving on to someone else. To me, that is objectification. We all might be logical enough to know that even the image of a person in a sexy situation doesn’t mean that person isn’t a… Read more »
They’re not an object, it’s a photograph of a living being. Even if they’re spread eagle with a closeup of the genitals, I still see a woman who is showing her parts to the camera, not an object called a vulva/whatever. One of the only times I see women or men portrayed as an object is stuff like conscripts, or in a movie a rape victim is an object to that other person since they ignore their desires, in violent movies where the bad guy kidnaps the good (or the reverse), etc.
Archy, I’m not ‘ragging’ on anyone for looking at professionally produced photos. After all, they were shot and published with the hope that you’d look and the people in them were most likely paid for their effort. So enjoy and don’t feel guilty. Haven’t movie actresses for years tried to position themselves to be the next ‘Monroe’ or sex symbol? And now with the increasing disposable income of the young Female professional, we have a corresponding position of male ‘Sex Symbols’ (Paging Channing Tatum!) Look, if people put themselves out there to be ‘Admired’ for strictly physical qualities and are… Read more »
Exactly. Objectification for instance happens with paparazi not allowing Tatum to have privacy, or like the photos of Princess Kate topless taken from ~3km? away.
Yeah, that really ‘Creeps’ me out!
Bobbt: “Look, if people put themselves out there to be ‘Admired’ for strictly physical qualities and are paid handsomely for the effort, then what’s the harm? I mean, it’s all free choice!” Bobbt, absolutely. It is freedom of choice and it should be. But you got two sides here. You have the freedom of choice of the person who is being put out for physical admiration and you got the people who also have freedom of choice to do the admiring. Simply because Channing Tatum decides to put himself out there as a sex symbol, doesn’t mean I don’t also… Read more »
Here is my take on this question. Of course it’s impossible to know what any individual is thinking. At the same time, the images do convey a sense of meaning in and of themselves. We don’t process images identically to one another so the meaning is not rigidly defined, but nevertheless it exists and reasonable conclusions can be drawn based on what images are being looked at. For example, compare the shot of the men posted above to the different image posted with this same article on AlreadyPretty. The image above shows several different men of somewhat similar body type,… Read more »
I don’t know, but if you meant that she actually meant women can read minds or something, you are wrong. She only said that it would bother her if someone would think about a naked person as a thing. That would bother me as well. Now, I don’t know women who claim they know what a man thinks when he is looking at a woman. We would have to see case by case. She probably does’t what a man is thinking, as she never stated that. No woman exactly knows what a man is thinking, we can only try to… Read more »
I think that the author’s heart is in the right place, but ultimately I have a hard time with this article because it seems like it takes a gynocentric view on what it means to be “objectified” and then “misses the forest for the trees” when it comes to male objectification. Taking the author’s advice, I read the comments and discussion at “Already Pretty,” and there several comments stated that the objectification of women (1) was about the commodification of female bodies, and (2) has led to violence against women, and therefore stated that nothing on Pinterest comes close to… Read more »
Agreed. Everything. I dig the article and where it comes from…but actually I was thinking that this article should be in a place where women will read it. Because it’s obviously not really directed at men…and women are the ones who need to read this sort of stuff (in general).
Mike, I do agree completely with your larger point, and it’s similar to one I made yesterday at AlreadyPretty. There are many ways to objectify someone, and visual sexual objectification and sexual terms are just one way. However, my hope is that women (who are very familiar with the issue of objectification) could begin to see tthat there are paralells, and could develop some empathy and a larger perspective. From my standpoint as a woman and a feminist, I see that women have done a lot to raise awareness of how these issues affect women, and how restricting and diminishing… Read more »
I do appreciate your efforts. I definitely think a band-aid is better than nothing. Thank you for writing this piece.
Mike, I didn’t write it, I wish I could be as articulate as Sally! I do agree with it though.
Very well written and thoughtful comment, but you forget that people become what they are taught to be. In Jane Austen’s time, relationships were more often than not a economic business. Parents, society, friends, literature, everything taught women the only thing they could possibly hope to get out of marriage was financial stability. They weren’t taught that men could satisfy them romantically, intellectually, or at all. So of course women became objectifiers of men in the sense that they saw men for their paychecks before what was in their hearts or minds. In the same way throughout history men were… Read more »
Nicole, While I largely agree with your point, I do think there are differences worth noting. As a culture, due largely to feminism, the “objectification of women” conversation is one that’s been going on for quite a while. While it’s not necessarily reflected in the media and advertising, as sex still sells, I think that many men have taken this converstaion to heart and it’s something that we’ve made a lot of progress on as a culture. Conversely, the “objectification of men” conversation is one that, as a culture, we’re only sort of beginning to have. While yes, “more” women… Read more »
Conversly Monica, I’ve heard a lot of discussion among men that list “ambition” and a “college degree” in some of their top requirments for women they want to date. (Not to mention an ambitious, successful, college educated “fit body”.) I know alot of men that believe an unemployed women is completely worthless from the dating perspective. I’ve heard a lot of guys that are frustrated with women that have babies and aren’t back on the work horse as soon as they pop that baby out. I think we are seeing a cross over of expectations on both sides of the… Read more »
I don’t intend to speak for men here, and I’d be curious what Mike L or other men would have to say in response to this. However, from my perspective, I can easily see why men wouldn’t view women as allies. I probably wouldn’t either if I were in their shoes. Your posts here show a theme that is consistent with that expressed by other women when presented with issues of objectification and marginalization of men – “well, sure, it happens, but what happens to women is much worse!” No matter what issue is brought up, the response of women… Read more »
Comment of the day! I’ve seen articles written on male rape victimization that pull the whole “women get it worse” trope. It’s as insulting as me saying men die 4x more from violence worldwide whenever we talk about violence against women. It’s a huge reason why so many men DO NOT ALLY with women on these matters, because that continual reminder of the other getting it worse acts as if we have nothing to complain about, as if our issues are not worthy… Women in Afghanistan (and even the men too, do remember men suffer extremes of violence) probably have… Read more »
Monica, per your request I’ll share my thoughts. I actually see myself as an ally, but I’m rarely called one because I reject a lot of what feminism tells me I should be in order to qualify as an “ally.” I first started reading the Good Men Project a few years ago because I noticed a friend of mine had gotten really into the PUA “community” and had become a real misogynist. I could see that this was bad for both him and the women in his life, so I tried to make him “snap out of it.” What I… Read more »
Wanna know the sad thing? The MOST misogynistic men I know have no troubles getting women. Treating women like shit does appear to actually work, which is what pisses off a lot of “nice guys”. When a guy changes n starts acting like an asshole to a girl and finds it works, then goes on to tell others, and others try and it works then it makes it soooo much more complicated. The ones who want to treat women decently that I know are more likely to be single…
Archy, this is only true for women with extremely low self worth and ones who aren’t mentally mature enough to make positive contributions to a relationship. Some very good, educated and confident women would LOVE to have a great guy who doesn’t disrespect them. However, THEY are passed up for “bad girls.” Bad girls are “more fun” in some circles. Its simply not true that all women want assholes. Some women want the prince, not the court jester.
I know not all women want the asshole but it’s just I’ve noticed the assholes have little trouble getting a woman. Maybe their asshole ways come across as confidence?
Tupac grew up in East Harlem in the 70s, not exactly a safe or soft place. There probably wasn’t a lot of education on gender respect for either the men or the women. Where he came from is probably the very thing that drove him to seek the fame and fortune he wanted himself. And it was probably the same thing a lot of the girls he knew wanted too for their own personal security from coming from a place that didn’t offer much oppurtunity. Do you think Tupac wasn’t somewhat motivated by his own greed? Do you think he… Read more »
Jezebel did that with misandry, blaming men for women hating men. Wonder if it’s a similar thought process doing that? The real answer (for misogyny) is extremely complicated though and has roots from religion, various cultures, etc. But there is a definite trend in a woman treating a man shit, maybe a few women and then some of those men hating women. Abuse victims would be similar too. This also happens in reverse, I have a few friends that hate men because they’ve been treated like dirt by a few influential men in their lives, or most men they meet… Read more »
Mike, thanks for taking the time to write down your thoughts, I appreciate it. However, my question was not whether you see yourself as an ally to women or feminists, but whether you see that women are an ally to men in helping men achieve their own peace and freedom. From reading into your post, I’m presuming the answer to this would be “no.” For my part, I consider myself a feminist. And I will absolutely say that how women treat men undeniably impacts how men treat women. From my view, this is so obvious as to not need stating.… Read more »
Monica, yes, women can often respond with defensiveness, deflection and drawing attention to their own issues. (Although this isn’t unique to women’s responses alone.) I’ve responded in those ways myself at times. How would you suggest a woman who was contending with feelings and experiences that reflected being unsupported and unacknowledged by men in general about their own marginalization, who even experienced men who minimized her own feelings on her own gender’s marginalization or told her what was or wasn’t actually minimizing to women, gather up the feelings to support men? That’s a serious, heartfelt question. How does one do… Read more »
Erin, my advice to a woman in this situation would be to reflect on how these experiences with men have made her feel, and look at how her own actions may reflect that back on others. This article is one example of this – if women feel that they are marginalized by being objectified, shouldn’t they strive in their own lives to not objectify others? If she feels acutely the hurt of being marginalized and told how she should feel, shouldn’t she strive to avoid doing this to other people? I’d also say that the most powerful kind of support… Read more »
Monica, I never advocated for women to marginalize men. I find when women try to talk about how they may feel marginalized, they get told they are claiming “victimhood” or that they are not actually being marginalized at all. I’m cynical to your idealism. And I agree that personal power isn’t a zero-sum game. But lets consider a marriage. If you’re in a relationship and you’ve felt for a long time that you were being disrespected, you don’t have it in you to give respect back. Unless you enjoy being walked all over. And I think that’s where some women… Read more »
“How does one do that? You want women to do something super human that you don’t expect men to do. You understand why men don’t see women as allies but you don’t understand why women don’t see men as allies? ” You’re telling her she doesn’t expect men to do it? Why? Because she hasn’t listed it yet? She’s talking about how men find it hard to be allies when being outright disrespected. “But you know what, lets say women do what you ask. They offer all the support they can for men, even though they never felt like they… Read more »
Yeah, I’m with Nicole on this one. I do think men can be reduced down to a pay-check and objectified for money and that women need to be careful about qualifying a man’s worth in his pay check. But Pride and Prejudice was written in a time where women didn’t have the agency to live on their own or make their own money. Money was their only real security and means to survival.They didn’t have the opportunities to create their own self sutaining futures. In today’s modern age, we find a lot more women that are willing to pay for… Read more »
Erin, I appreciate where you are coming from, but I think that you are missing the point. First, I don’t agree with your analysis for why the property system of Jane Austen’s day existed, but assuming for the sake of argument that you are correct and everything can be blamed on the men of 1813, that still doesn’t make our current society’s infatuation with Pride and Prejudice’s representation of men okay. It seems unreasonable to say “Yes, this idea is outdated and unfair, but it developed long ago when times were different, so it’s cool if we stick with it.”… Read more »
Mike L, I didn’t really go into all the reason and details why I think the property system of Jane Austen’s day existed. I don’t think everything can be blamed on men (that isn’t even my goal to simply blame me, I’m looking to really solve issues) but heck, women were considered property to be owned or traded between men for profit of land or money. Men were allowed the freedom of multple mistresses. It was a well accepted extra-curricular activity that was kept on the hush hush between other men. Most men were not calling out their fellow man… Read more »
I think my comment may have come off as harsh because the GMP is very much a feminist space, and in a feminist space when a man says something like “Yeah, but far fewer men catcall today than did in the 1950s!” he’s usually told to sit down and shut up, and check his privilege while he’s at it. As a result, it was very hard for me to hear someone say “Yeah, but far fewer women think this way than used to!” when this is precisely the kind of comment men have been making for years only to be… Read more »
I don’t see GMP as a feminist space. But honestly, sometimes it seems like anything that offers women some kindness is automatically called “femininist” in a derogatory way. Same as I hear other guys mock other guys when they defend a woman online and they call him “Captain Save A Hoe”. I guess cause I often run into alot of antagonism myself in these discussions as I’m sure you do too, we don’t experience the site the same way. And to give you credit, it isn’t enough. But I wasn’t making the comment to imply that it was “good enough”.… Read more »
Mike, you make an excellent and well executed argument. This article does not provide a solid foundation to claim male objectivity. I feel for the man that said he doesn’t receive compliments from his significant other but from other men. If he puts in the work, he should be appreciated. I like that you gave key concepts to support your claim versus being insulting against other’s views. It clearly demonstrates exceptional intellect. Well done.
I agree. I also think that women have a history of objectifying men that is overlooked. The difference is that women tend to objectify men in a different way, so it is overlooked. I wrote in a previous post and I will reiterate, any time a woman pressures a man to fulfill her emotionally without regard to his need for alone time, etc. that is objectification! So many women see men as a tool for emotional fulfillment with little regards to the need of the man.
Relax and learn to appreciate the beauty of the male body. The art world should be a good indication to you that this is nothing new. I’m 49 years old and as a reformed alcoholic and drug addict I have spent the last few years getting back in shape and there is nothing better than having someone else acknowledge that this old dude still looks good.
Hi Jimmy
Let me just say that I am glad you succeeded !
And at 49 you have a whole live ahead of you. You are not old,only interesting 🙂
I agree wholeheartedly Jimmy. There is nothing wrong with appreciation of the male body. DaVinci was not the only artist who appreciated it. The body is beautiful yet without a beautiful mind &heart, what of it? Both men & women have the capacity to objectify, yet not all of us are guilty of it and it is not to be confused with the appreciation of beauty.
I think it’s a wonderful article. Too often I find myself objectifying men in response to being objectified myself. It’s the whole “if you can’t beat them, then join them” philosophy. I see a lot of women do it – it’s the basis of the whole “Sex and the City” culture. And I’ve hurt those I’ve loved because of it.
Regarding someone as a sexual being and finding them physically appealing is certainly not automatically treating them as an object in any meaningful or problematic sense. I think the extent and severity of objectification in presentations of women is probably often exaggerated, but to the extent that it exists, the primary problem is that a sexual presentation of a woman is going to be feminine, and femininity is, sadly, associated with passivity, weakness, lack of agency, etc. There is thus no parallel problem with sexual presentations of men, since masculinity is not associated with lack of agency (quite the reverse).… Read more »
Those are very pretty and multi-syllabic words, but objectifying a person is the act of reducing them to a thing, a toy or a treat to be used and then disregarded when you’re done playing with them. Saying that this is bad for women and not bad for men is a rather dated view of the dynamic. It used to be bad for women because they had no role or use in society beyond a powerful man’s accessory or trinket. Things aren’t so one-sided anymore; women are just as likely to use a man for his physical charms and disregard… Read more »
I did not say that reducing a man to an object was not bad for that man, I said that there was nothing about viewing a man sexually which was particularly connected with viewing him as an object. I am inclined to think that it is also the case with women that people rush much too quickly from someone being interested in a woman’s sexual appeal to concluding that there is some kind of objectification going on, but in that case there is at least some indirect connection between sex being involved and it being more likely that someone is… Read more »
Re: F. Leach- You couldn’t be more wrong with how you’ve interpreted this piece. Complimenting, admiring is, in my opinion, in a different league then objectifying (although admittedly it’s a fine line). And to assume that all men are okay with being objectified as nothing more than “eye candy” is exactly the issue. Your comments, alone, are exactly an example of everything that is wrong with that train of thought. Men cannot be lumped into the same category anymore than all women can be. Not all men are okay with comments regarding their body and frankly, we all should be… Read more »
you don’t understand. “it may seem like objectifying them back is a way of restoring some sort of balance.” you see it in some bizarre revenge tactic in the war of the sexes instead of just women finding men attractive, as they ought to. As a man without 6 pack abs i would still rather hear that women find men’s bodies attractive instead of the all too common “eww” reaction when they see a naked man. “eww” is more insulting & demeaning than a woman actually appreciating & enjoying a man’s bodies. the more normal & widespread “eww” is debilitating… Read more »
This is by far one of the most idiotic articles I’ve ever read. The author obviously has too much time on her hands. Who wants to look at pics of old , fat men?! Is she insane?! Men don’t give a rat’s behind if women compliment them. The male ego is sensitive and at times, fragile. If men want to put in the work to look good, there is nothing wrong with admiring them. The only thing I agree on is that men have been doing it to women for years. However, to propose that if women admire the male… Read more »
You’ve missed the entire point of the article, and this kind of response is exactly what she’s talking about. There’s a line between admiring the male body and objectifying it. Most people aren’t aware of that line. Words have power that most people don’t seem to understand–meaning word choice does matter. A picture of mostly-naked women labeled “Candy” would raise an uproar in the name of women’s rights. But a picture of mostly-naked men labeled “Candy” is somehow OK? Is flattering? Is simply “admiring another’s body?” That’s bull. Also, you exhibit the worst kind of low-grade thinking in your post,… Read more »
Explain to me how we can appreciate someone I don’t know in a sexual way without “objectifying” them? Do I have to go up to them and get to know them first?
Precisely. A similarly themed article I have weighed in on here on the GMP before. Objectification is a huge part of sexuality, why are people attempting to suppress it? The only distinction I see is in how/if one chooses to objectify. If I see a man whose form tugs at my ‘loins’, I may smile at him, but otherwise my objectification is internalized. I won’t make him feel like a piece of meat, unless that is what he wants (and yes, I do know men (and women, quelle surprise) who do want to be valued simply as objects of sexual… Read more »
Great comment. You go girl, this gay boy spent too many years fearing inferior and self conscious about my body. Now I go to nude beaches and naked yoga and though far from perfect, I’m happy to show off my body. Oh and yes I hope that some others look at me with a stirring of their loins as well. 😉
Of course you do! And as you should! When I said you guys don’t give a rats ass about us complimenting you, I meant just that: you don’t. You don’t care if we say “hey good looking!” Or “nice smile! makes YOU smile, yes? Eric the idiot “missed the whole hole point” of my statement BC he was in such a rush to be a jerk.
Its true. Men don’t care about being “objectified” if someone compliments their eyes, smile, body, whatever. Especially if she is sincere. It is far more disrespectful and oppressive for a man to tell a woman she doesn’t know how to think. As some men have tried to do in responding to me. Frankly, I don’t care what you have to say. Men should feel good if they receive compliments. If it offends you, then that shows is that you have low self esteem. Any male who attacks a woman verbally or physically does. Clearly. Beautiful men are to be appreciated.… Read more »
I think you, and many others commenting on this article are confused about the definition of objectification. It means thinking about someone as an object of desire rather than as a whole person. Of course you are allowed to be sexually aroused by someone who you don’t know, but that doesn’t mean you’re objectifying them, as long as you’re aware that that is an actual human being you’re lusting after rather than just a “piece of meat”. Objectification is the dehumanization of a subject, such as in the image above where you can see the mens’ abs but not their… Read more »
Objectification = seeing someone as an object. An act of dehumanization that happens in someone’s mind. They see the person’s body as something apart, disconnected from the person, disregarding their humanity. Disregarding that they have feelings, a brain, a mind, dreams, rights and boundaries that should never be crossed. It can go to extreme consequences, like the people who feel they HAVE to scrutinize a person’s body because, hey, that’s all okay! Or a person who believes they can touch, grab or worse because their bodies were on display. It’s NOT necessary a part of normal sexuality. I’ve never seen… Read more »
Eric, if women want to look at pictures of the “ideal man” so be it. If it isn’t healthy for the average man’s psyche, tough tooties. Isn’t that what men have done to women since time began?
If the comparison is made by women between the average man and the ideal man, oh well.
Maybe it’s time men had to internalize those comparisons which might give them some understanding of how women feel all of their lives.
BTW, size does matter to women just as it does for men.
Women should start doing that more, yes. No more shame or caring about men’s feelings when they clearly have never cared about women’s. If they also do that to us, have always done and aren’t thinking about ever stopping, that is fair game. Women already now all about men’s ridiculous desires, expectations and entitlements. They love to rub it in our faces. I know plenty of them feel a kind of twisted pleasure when being “just honest!” about women’s appearances and their standards. They don’t know much about their own shortcomings and overall lack of attractiveness, though. Women have been… Read more »
As a man, I do care when women compliment me. At least when they are shallow compliments about my body parts. Just last night I had someone tell me that I was attractive, with no real substance to the compliment, and I wondered what would have happened if I had said that to her. Having just graduated college, I can’t believe how many girls have pictures of men taped to their walls. But how acceptable is it for me to have pictures of women taped to my walls as a man? If anyone is wasting time with “rubbish”, it’s you… Read more »
I would LOVE for a woman to give me a compliment about my appearance. Despite having plenty of girlfriends in the past, the only woman to ever compliment me on my looks is my wife!
How ironic is it that my well conditioned body (I’m a gym junkie and ex-competition judoka) gets compliments from blokes “shit man, you’re lookin huge!” or “jesus, how do you lift that much?”, but apart from my wife, has never gotten a single comment from women.
That is interesting and I’ve been there, too. My girlfriends have always complimented my intelligence, wit, etc (such as they are) but only other guys have complimented me on looks or athletic prowess. Something like, “Dude! Looking huge!” after a max clean and press or dead lift, or, memorably–even after fourteen years–“Strength and AUTHORITY, dawg!” from one of my teammates after I finished a wrestling match with a suplex all the way back in my freshman year. Only a very few, special, very self-assured ladies I’ve known have gone into the realm of comments on appearance.
Something I’ve noticed, people will compliment each other on things that are important to them, things that they would like to be complimented on themselves, and in a way it makes sense. Unless they’re very noticeable, will you compliment my shoes if you wear the same sneakers every day? I do think that being appreciated and being objectified is a line that is easy to cross and hard to see especially as everyone’s line is different. But yeah, it’s not really fair to tell people to stop staring at my ass if I’m drooling over someone’s abs. How can I… Read more »
Ok, let’s get real here for a second, yes, men have been sexually objectifying women for years, but women have been equally guilty of emotionally objectifying men. Webster defines objectification as “treating someone as an object rather than a person.” Every time a woman tries to force of a man to commit before he is ready, that’s objectification. She is treating him as an object to fulfill her own needs and not as a person who is just not ready for that. So, please don’t justify females’ current sexual objectification of men as ok because of our prior innocence. We… Read more »
And you, please, do not compare sexual objectification with any other type of objectification. Sexual objectification leads to emotional illness and even suicide, come on now. And sorry, I think it is all okay. Men have always done that and still do. Women can do the same. Also, if you are going to talk about “emotional objectification”… it was once men who owned women. They would sell their oen daughters, buy the daughters of other men, own their wives and do whatever they please with them. Now THAT is forcing commitment. So, men weren’t innocent! Compared to what men did,… Read more »