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24 million children in America live in homes where their biological father is not present. (U.S. Census Bureau). This is an alarming statistic. As a result, children who live in biological father-absent homes are:
…four times more likely to be poor.
…twice as likely to drop out of school.
…more likely to be incarcerated.
…at greater risk of substance abuse.
…more likely to be victims of physical and sexual abuse.
…at greater risk of teen pregnancy.
Due to the abundance of absent fathers, far too frequently, the myth or assumption is that all fathers who no longer maintain an active role in the lives of their children have done so because they are irresponsible, lazy, or fear commitment. Instead, there often are extenuating circumstances that discourage, or in some instances, prevent fathers from maintaining an active role in the lives of their children.
A countless number of fathers for example, lack many of the material and non-material resources needed to maintain a consistent level of involvement. This includes not having built-in support systems to counter or buffer against a wide range of major life events and circumstances often beyond the father’s control. These are some of the most Common Deterrents Experienced by Alienated Fathers:
Imbalances in the Legal System
Stereotypes that fathers should not have the same rights as mothers (i.e.
equal visitation rights, equal child support rights)
Limited or lack of visitation rights (approved or not approved by the
courts, including instances while father is making voluntary or involuntary
child support payments)
Financial Hardship
High Child Support Payments (that impede with the individual’s basic income-level needed for self-sufficiency)
Inability to afford legal representation
The Cost of Legal Representation
Inability to pay for high quality legal representation due to income level or
as a result of child support payments and other court mandated expenses,
therefore, significantly reducing income level
Unhealthy Co-parenting
Children turning against their fathers because of negative information fed to them by attorneys, court representatives, mothers and/or other extended family members, and community members
Poor examples and role models of healthy, committed, responsible fatherhood
Negative or unhealthy generational patterns
More often than not, it is these shared challenges and obstacles that serve as the impetus for fathers, initially involved, to becoming discouraged to the point of abandoning their children. Resources need to be devoted to support fathers who are experiencing challenges and obstacles in maintaining their commitment and involvement in the lives of their children. Fathers cannot and should not be expected to do it alone. Support systems must be put into place to provide fathers who want to be there for their children an opportunity to feel empowered and the ability to easily access those required resources.
Creating a nationwide network of fatherhood support resources is the primary objective of the Fatherhood Support Network. We provide training and assist non-profit organizations, community agencies, churches and businesses in establishing and maintaining Fatherhood Support Sites in their local communities. The vision of the Fatherhood Support Network is that there is a Fatherhood Support site in every major city in America. What that would mean is that no father in America would have an excuse for not maintaining an active role in the lives of their children because a solid support system would be accessible to them in their local community. In addition to having access to fatherhood support group meetings, a one-on-one mentor is assigned to fathers following-up and checking-in, at least once a month, by calling or visiting them in their home or at the local Fatherhood Support Site.
HERE’S WHAT CAN HAPPEN IF THE FATHER HAS THE TOOLS AND SUPPORT HE NEEDS. For one, America as a whole would greatly benefit. We would significantly “reverse” the dismal statistics that have ballooned all because millions of fathers are not present. The direct result would be:
…fewer children would live in poverty.
…more children would graduate from high.
…fewer children (and young adults) would be incarcerated.
…fewer children would become addicted to drugs.
…fewer children would become victims of physical and sexual abuse.
…teen pregnancy would significantly be reduced.
Secondly, when a father does experience challenges, obstacles and deterrents to maintaining an active role in the lives of their children, they DON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT ALONE. The end result would be that fewer fathers would give up and abandon their children, and more children will grow up knowing that they are important, valued and loved. They will know that their father did not give up on them and abandon them.
Court proceedings and the process of healing can take years to resolve and mend. With this always in mind, because fathers remain committed, children will have vivid memories of their father always acknowledging their birthday and important holidays even if their mother or the court blocked, limited or restricted their visitation rights. Then, once they become adults, they will have the opportunity to reconcile and reunite with their father by talking through and mending old wounds and misinformation. In sum, all because a solid support system was in place for a father during the long and grueling process of reunification, the boy or girl who is now an adult will be able to grow up at least knowing that they were loved and they were wanted.