Ever ask yourself what the heck that entrepreneur is saying? Well, now you know!
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Business Words Used What the Words Really Mean
Accountant Person who understands numbers better than people
Action item Something that gets started in 90 days
Added value Give us more free stuff
Absentee owner When Paul uses his new bass boat
Assets Place where Grandpa sits down
Accountability What our upper management says is the responsibility of the workers
Accounts payable People who must wait at least 190 days to get paid
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Banker’s hours The time favored people work at a company
Bean counter The person who tells us to use toilet paper twice
Brand Our logo that hasn’t changed since 1956 and what ranchers do to cattle
Bells and whistles What we do to hide a lackluster product
Branding Our president’s face on a billboard, magazine ad or TV commercial
Business model (That’s not part of our) We don’t understand what you are saying
Built in obsolescence How we sell more stuff
Beta test We hope it works
Business plan (That’s not part of our) We don’t understand what you are saying
Buzzwords What we say at the bar
Best and final offer The offer that is made 4 offers before the final offer
Brainstorming When we guess about something
Budget (as in not in) We all bought bass boats
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Capital outlay We all bought bass boats
CEO, CFO, COO Mom
Chain of command My older brother tells me what to do
Clip art What we steal to make our brochures
Core strengths Lunch
Commission Very small fee that gets smaller each year that is paid to our salespeople
Conflict of interest If we had a conscience what we would invoke.
Consultant A person who tells us what to do who is more than 50 miles away
Cash flow What we don’t have because we purchased 2 bass boats
Copy machine Devise at work that gets cussed at
Corporate advertising What we don’t do because we spent our money on new trucks.
Corporate ladder Restricted to friends and family
Cost effective We will pay less for your product so we can buy a new bass boat
Credit We pay our bills at 180 days… past due
.com Our’s is free – it’s called Facebook
Customer Person who waits while we finish playing a game on our phone
Cutting edge What a knife has
Crisis management What we do when we’ve goofed up again
Cut throat competition How others do business
Client Older customer who wears a suit
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DBA What we call our company now because we’ve been sued a lot
Debriefing When my dad yells at the people who work here
Deficit spending We spent our money on a bass boat and a truck, so…
Diversification Partaking in something we don’t understand
Dividends How we buy our new bass boat pulling truck
Downsizing/attrition Firing non family members or friends
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Elevator speech What we say to pretty women in elevators in tall buildings
Escape clause What we use to get out of all of our agreements
Entrepreneur Somebody who has not enough knowledge or money to start a business
Engineer Person who uses graph, charts and math as the English language
Ergonomics Design characteristics of competitor’s products
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Family owned No large company will buy us and Dad tells us what to do
Feasibility study When I ask my Dad if he likes your product
Fixed assets My bass boat and truck
Facebook page What we call our website because Dad says that we don’t need a web site
Funding will come in the 4th quarter We all bought new trucks in the 1st quarter
Focus group People who won’t like your product
Franchise What people get when they don’t like to think
Forward thinking Semi believable exaggerations
Fulfillment house The people who didn’t send you our product
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Glass ceiling What is low at our company
Golden parachute Special payments we don’t ever make because of loopholes
Grandfather clause Rules we invoke when we wanna invoke them
Gravy train What I’m on and you’re not
Graveyard shift A place where people who we don’t like work
Gross profit margin What we tell you is very, very small but isn’t
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Handshake agreement A non-agreement because there was no signature or witness
Hacker Our way of obtaining new technology
Hard drive Going from Miami to Seattle by car to go fishing
Hold harmless agreement You have a high chance of loss when this paper is signed
Home office (.1) Where the President of a large company sleeps during the day
Home office (.2) A place where tax deductions are born
Human resources People who will find something wrong with you before hiring a friend or relative
Hush money Something we don’t talk about
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IT director Anti – social secret keeping smart person
Independent contractor Peron who can’t get or hold a real job
Individual retirement account Something that people are going to start next year
In house advertising agency Our president, who is an accountant, makes our ads with his image
Invention Something we take then change from our competitors
Internet Place where people fabricate non truths about their product
Immediate family People who run the business but know nothing about the business
Insider trading How we got our lake house, bass boat, new truck and season tickets
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Joint venture When our company and my friend/relatives company have come together
Joint venture What is sold at midnight from a guy named Snake
Jingle What our product does when it moves after 3 weeks of use
Junior partner Non family member who will not get to be a “full” one of these
Just in time manufacturing We have no money for stock or raw product
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Key account He gets to use my bass boat
Kickback A football term
Kudos What we don’t give out
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Laid off What we do to people who we don’t like
Line item Fantasy words and numbers
Leave of absence When I use my bass boat
Logistics The cheapest slowest way to get our product to our customers
LLC We are not responsible for what we do
Leveraged When your company has no money to purchase another company
Laborer People who do the workin’ part, but not the thinking part
Letter of intent Piece of paper that looks nice but has no teeth
Litigate What we threaten to do
Liability Something we don’t have
Logo Borrowed clip art
Loophole How we write our agreements
Low hanging fruit Who we only sell to
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Marketing Something we haven’t changed since 1967
Management My dad and his brother, Ed
Maternity leave 3 days of pay
Mentor The bosses’ son who knows less than the boss
Middle management People who work at our company who have no decision making ability
Mission statement What we say that sounds nice instead of saying that we want to make $
Negative cash flow We all just bought new shotguns.
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Negative growth What happens when we go on vacation for 3 months
Negotiate How we make our suppliers cry
Nepotism My cousin in the legal department invented this word
Next generation product What we haven’t had since 1956
Non compliance Our safety and legal department is in this
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Off peak 90 % of our time at our company
Outsourcing A way of hiring underpaid people
Overtime What people in our company don’t get paid for
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Paradigm shift What we avoid understanding
Pie chart What we use to show to explain how good our product or company is
Positioning How I sit in my bass boat
Power lunch Adult beverage time
Product life cycle The 2 or 3 months until our product doesn’t work
Promotion Something for friends or family
Proprietary Special information that we threaten other companies about
Purchase price 75% of the price
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Quality A goal
Quality control We spot check every 150 items that we make
Quality control What we do just enough of just before the warranty runs out
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R & D .000000000001 percent of our time
Revenue streams Money not given to or taken away from employees
Run it up the flag pole I will see if my Dad likes the idea.
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Sale What we have when we can’t sell our stuff at high prices
Strip mall Where we go to watch dancing
Security Our dog
Semi-skilled Our lead technical person
Social media When we talk to people at the bar and give them a business card
Slogan For all of your (fill in the blank) needs
Spot check Something I do to speckled bass
Sticker shock Our price before we add on other line items
Subpoena What we get when people lie about us
Synergy Something our departments do separately
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Union Something Detroit car maker employees were part of until the 1985
Untapped markets People who won’t buy our product because of word of mouth
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Vendor People we pay after our truck and bass boat payment
Visitor experience When angry people talk about our company
Void What your contract is with our company
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Warehouse My garage / Place where we put stuff in piles
Warranty What you are out of
Word of mouth advertising What we do because our president purchased a plane
Webmaster Our 12 year old nephew
Web site Information holder our 12 year old nephew made for us… for $50
Whistleblower Somebody who gets our bass boat 12 weekends a year
Write off My bass boat
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Yes, let’s do that. I’ll check with my Dad
Have any that I missed? Email me at [email protected]
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Photo: Getty Images