The relationships we have with our spouses are important—too important to leave anyone out of the conversation.
—-
I’ve been the editor of the marriage section here at The Good Men Project for about a month now and I’m really happy with the articles that have been featured. I know that each of them have found readers who’ve appreciated them or enjoyed them in some way.
I also know that not every article will appeal to every reader, but I hope that every article appeals to someone. For a lot of men and women, the relationship they have with their spouse will be the most important relationship in their life. Sometimes that relationship will be amazing, sometimes it’ll be hellacious, sometimes it’ll be nestled somewhere in between, but it’s almost always intense—even if only because it’s intensely boring.
As I’ve read submissions over the last month, it’s occurred to me that the discussions about a relationship this important deserve to be inclusive of everyone.
Here’s what I mean: marriage means different things to different people, but ideas about gender will always be a central part of it. That’s true whether we’re talking about sex, the
Marriage means different things to different people, but ideas about gender will always be a central part of it.
|
variety of gender roles that couples take as they run the household together, or about sexual orientation. Since gender plays such a major role in marriage, any discussion about marriage has to be aware of it.
When I write about my own marriage, I’m writing about a straight guy married to a straight woman. That’s why when I write about marriage more generally, it makes sense that it feels more natural for me to write as if men marry women. The good news is that, because I’m a straight guy married to a straight woman, I’m including the majority of married people in the discussion when I generalize that way. The bad news is that I’m leaving some people out. And not just any people, but people who’ve been left out of this discussion for … well … at least the last couple of millenia.
When people write about “what men do” or “what women do” the same thing happens. Sure, there’s probably a number of things we could generally say that men and women “do” and cover the majority of readers. But there will always be some who will be excluded—men and women who sometimes don’t conform in the ways they feel or live.
As I said before, a marriage is likely to be one of the most important relationships a person has, and it’s important enough that everyone deserves to be included. That’s why the Marriage section will have a new editorial policy to make sure that readers, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation feel welcome to participate.
Of course, when writers share their own stories, they should talk about their own experiences. It wouldn’t make sense for me to write about my wife in gender neutral terms. She’s a woman. It wouldn’t make sense for me to write about myself in gender neutral terms. I’m a man. But when I write about men, women, and marriage generally, or publish articles that talk about these things in a universal sense, I’ll be looking for words that invite readers to participate regardless of who they are or to whom they’re married.
To kick this off, I’d love for readers to send in submissions about this topic. Here’s some questions to get things started:
- Has your marriage traditionally been excluded from the broader discussion of marriage?
- What sorts of unique challenges have you faced if aspects of your marriage haven’t always lined up with society’s expectations? How have you overcome those challenges? Have they ever just been too great to get around?
- Do you and your partner not always fit into stereotypical roles? How has that affected your marriage? How have you addressed it?
Again, I hope you’ve all enjoyed the articles that have been featured here recently. And I hope you’ll all feel welcome to share your own experiences and thoughts about marriage in the future!
Image: TinyTall/Flickr
I’m not married, but engaged, and have lived with my partner for 6 years. We’re definitely outside the norm – I’m a transgender man, my partner is a straight man. When we started dating, I was a straight woman. Despite such a monumental change, we’ve stuck together, and are actually closer than ever before. If you think that there’s anything you’d like me to write about, I’d be happy to.
Hi Wilson, I’d love to read a submission about your experience of marriage!
I can not tell you how awesome I think this is. I shared an article from GMP recently on facebook with one, smallish gripe. It’s been tremendously heterocentric in my experience. Now this. It means a great deal to me and I’m putting the writing of a piece for your call for submissions towards the top of my to-do list. Right now I’m going to go finish the sermon for Sunday. Don’t think I’ll forget you, though!
Great! I can’t wait to read it!