A man asks Eli and Josie how to win the attentions of a woman whose other crush is a “bad boy”.
Dear Sexes: I am in competition to get a woman and my competition is a bad-boy. Please help me.
She Said: Why are you in competition? Is it the dating Olympics? Sounds weird. Not you, you sound fine. But the idea of pitting two guys against one another seems weird.
But assuming that there’s a good explanation for competition, I do have some thoughts. If you were to put on some affect to try to win her over, then once you won you’d have to continue some charade and that would be a nightmare for both of you.
So be yourself.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t gain some competitive edge. It never hurts to act a bit aloof. I don’t mean Pick-Up Artist bullshit. But try to show only about 85% of what you’re feeling. Be kind, be open, be interested in her, be funny. But try to take any element of desperation and just lock it up in a little box when you’re around her. Once you’re apart from her, journal all that excitement and desperation or tell a friend. It’s not good to lock it up, but you don’t have to share it all with her.
And the desperation isn’t innately bad… We all have that element of desperation when we really like someone. That’s what makes sex with someone new so freaking delicious—-that grabbing, clutching, eye-gazing, heavy-breathing desperation. That desperation also can have a bad side. Picture Pepe LePue from Loony Toons. If at any point in your interactions you find yourself doing anything that ol’ Pepe would do, back off!
Be sweet, be nice, be affectionate… You can do all of that and channel your inner cool. Just make sure it’s still you and not some guy you’re trying to be. Know what I mean?
He Said: Are you a bad-boy? Does this woman like bad-boys? There’s no rules in love and war, so if you’re desperate, take your safety gloves off and out bad-ass this bad-boy. Bad-ass behavior will surely get you noticed. But it won’t guarantee you the girl. The best path here is to be yourself (sure, it’s cliche, but it’s also true). You want this girl to like you for the man you really are, not for the adventurous jerk you can pass as for a couple weeks of courtship.
So, get a stupid tattoo if you must. Get into a bar-fight (and upload the video to youtube) if you the opportunity presents itself. Buy a motorcycle (NOT a Vespa) if the mood strikes. If this dream girl isn’t worth laser burns, black eyes, broken bones, sun damaged skin, and wind damaged hair, then just be your regular self, and see how things turn out.
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