Is there space for men in domestic violence programs? Yes, and this is just the beginning. More organizations are opening their doors to men—and finding enormous success.
The domestic violence field is difficult work. A person who is routinely terrorized by his or her partner needs help readjusting to life after abuse. Shelters may have limited funds to stock their cupboards and more demand for counseling than available staff. Thirty-five years after states began passing domestic violence laws, it’s still a struggle to support survivors—a struggle from which men are all but absent, both as participants in the movement against domestic violence and as victims of abuse themselves.
Today, the majority of programs continue to be run by women for women and their children. One consequence of the decades-long focus on female victims of male violence is a gap in services for men who seek help for abuse. According to an online survey conducted by Clark University psychologist Denise Hines and funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, of 132 men who approached a domestic violence agency for help, “over three-quarters of them were told, ‘We only help women.’”
This gap is being interpreted as sex discrimination by men’s rights activists. It does, in fact, have legal consequences: in 2008, a California court of appeal ruled 3-0 that domestic violence programs that offer services to only women and their children, but not to men, violate the state constitution. “These men … are similarly situated to women as to the need for domestic violence services,” wrote Justice Fred K. Morrison. The court acknowledged that women are affected by domestic violence more than men, so programs do not need to provide equal kinds of services, but must help anyone who comes to their doorstep.
This is legal precedent has national implications and is sparking an emotionally-charged debate over whether domestic violence programs should be gender neutral. Advocates who work with women’s organizations argue that the gender disparity is still significant, and that social change to protect women, who represent the majority of domestic violence homicide cases, will lead to better care for male victims. While those who argue for gender neutrality say that it’s time to rethink the traditional rhetoric about domestic violence, which pits males versus females, and focus on supporting all victims.
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Craig Norberg-Bohm has 30 years of experience building support systems for men. He has worked with men who perpetrate domestic violence as well as male survivors of sexual assault. As coordinator of the Boston-based Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe Inc., the Massachusetts Coalition Against Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence, he now promotes men’s role in ending violence, abuse, and oppression.
Norberg-Bohm acknowledged his position heading what are historically women’s organizations. “My watershed change is to convince the women’s leadership that the men I network with are here to stay, are helpful, can be depended upon, are accountable to their point of view and will survive this,” he said. One of Norberg-Bohm’s community-building strategies is to recruit men and boys to be White Ribbon Ambassadors, who pledge to “never commit, excuse, or be silent about violence against women.”
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“It does not help the discussion [when it] turns to who has it worse.”
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Jane Doe Inc. held its fourth annual White Ribbon Day rally in Boston last week. The international White Ribbon movement, which was created in 1991 to remember the murders of 14 women in Montreal, aims to include men in the conversation about violence against women. Paulo Pinto, one of the event’s founders and Executive Director of the Massachusetts Alliance of Portuguese Speakers, made a public pledge to continue his work with immigrant families, bringing awareness to domestic violence and sexual assault in the Portuguese-American community.
”Domestic violence is a tabooed topic,” Pinto said. “In conservative macho culture, the understanding is that women are the property of men. Being a good man means you don’t have power over anybody. We can’t give our macho men an excuse for their behavior.”
The Massachusetts Alliance of Portuguese Speakers has offered gender-neutral domestic violence services for the past 15 years. Their program primarily works with immigrant victims of domestic violence as well as batterers. According to Pinto, about 4 percent of victims who seek help are men.
One Massachusetts-based organization was notably absent from the White Ribbon Day rally. The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project does not support the event. According to Education Director Iain Gill, domestic violence agencies like Jane Doe Inc. blur the lines between violence against women and domestic violence. They day also perpetuates the idea that domestic violence only affects women, rending the GLBT community invisible, and may limit funding for resources around GLBT domestic violence. “We should all be allies on this issue,” Gill said. “The same kind of abuse happens; it’s one person trying to control another.”
Paulo Pinto, who is a gay man and works closely with Jane Doe Inc., doesn’t agree that the White Ribbon Campaign takes anything from the gay community or men who are victims of violence. He argues that the campaign focuses on one specific reality, engaging men with an issue that has largely been driven by women. “I don’t have a wife I’m saying I will protect,” Pinto said. “I have a mother and sister and female friends I want to create a safer world for.”
The gender-specific tones of the White Ribbon Campaign are also a controversial topic for men’s rights activists. For MRAs, the oath that male ambassadors take to never commit violence against women reinforces the cultural myth that women don’t commit violence against men. “Police and society will always assume that the man is the abuser and not the one being abused,” said Pelle Billing, blogger and founder of the Swedish Men’s Network. “When a woman starts hitting a man, he doesn’t feel he can hit back and is scared to contact police or social services, which might lead him to end up in prison.”
“It’s not about gender, it’s about control; I agree with that, but it doesn’t change the problem of social conditions,” said Norberg-Bohm. “My purpose is to make domestic violence visible to the male public. My political platform is to lead men to care for other men, grow up well, and be positive, safe and powerful contributors to their community.”
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John Dias, Web developer and editor of the Misandry Review, has an encyclopedic knowledge of domestic violence policy. He has spent many hours on the subject since attending a 52-week program for batterers following what he considers an unjust accusation. He uses his expertise and plenty of data to address injustice concerning male victims. Dias believes that if a domestic violence program receives public money, it should be gender neutral, but if his research is correct, that’s the exception to the rule.
Dias believes that domestic violence programs are not transparent about their lack of services to men. When he scanned a directory of service providers, last published in 2008 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, he found that many programs don’t provide services for males past their teens. “What [domestic violence programs] don’t tell you is that [the male victims they’re providing for] are 16 years old and there because their mom is taken to the shelter,” he said. “Because of the policy, not the demand, [men] are not going to get any help from any service provider. Your only solace will be a park bench or a friend’s couch. That’s the domestic violence safety net for male victims.”
The Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project was founded in 1994 by a gay male survivor who, while fleeing an attempted murder, was turned away from mainstream shelters because of his identity. The organization represents Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Connecticut and is open to anyone seeking refuge. According to Education Director Iain Gill, a lot of domestic violence programs are contractually obligated to have open services for everybody, including straight men and GLBT people, but many don’t do it. “We get a high number of heterosexual men calling for support, and the only access to services they have is through a GLBT program because there are no straight male organizations or services,” Gill said. “They’re the bottom of the barrel.”
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Jacob T. compares male victims to toy soldiers, easy to dispose of by society. He uses his blog to raise awareness and show that boys and men can be victims and usually don’t get the help they need. Jacob does not consider himself a men’s rights activist, but he does believe it is important to challenge feminist views. He agrees that only a handful of organizations provide equal services to men and their children. Most existing shelters offer a grab bag that may or may not include hotel vouchers, attorney information, or counseling services.
“When there are organizations claiming to want to reach out to men, it does not help for those organizations to downplay female-perpetrated domestic violence or treat male victims as if they are abusers,” Jacob wrote in an email. “It does not help the discussion [when it] turns to who has it worse. If asked, few of the organizations would admit to any biases. Yet when asked, those same organizations will not provide outreach for male victims.”
Jane Doe Inc.’s Craig Norberg-Bohm will admit to the service gap. “Male survivors have a hard time getting good services. The members are working to fill that gap. It’s hard to do because they’re women’s centers and women’s environments and men don’t fit that easily,” he said.
A few historically women’s organizations are beginning the complex transformation toward gender neutrality. Gill cites REACH Beyond Domestic Violence in Waltham, Massachusetts; Healing Abuse Working for Change in Salem, Massachusetts; and Transition House in Cambridge, Massachusetts, as just a few organizations that now provide services to everyone, including heterosexual men and GLBT populations. “It’s not easy to do and it took a lot of courage to do it,” Gill said. “But they’ve found that it added to the level of work they do.”
Pelle Billing doesn’t think the men’s rights movement may have to exist for as long as the women’s movement did. “If we just become aware of men’s issues we could integrate them much more quickly,” he said. “It does not need to take 200 years; it can happen in 10.”
The future of domestic violence programs will probably be gender neutral. According to Paulo Pinto, the U.S. Department of Justice is beginning to ask organizations that receive public grants to think about where men fit in their budgets. The transition will take time, but fast-forward 35 years and domestic violence programs, hopefully adequately funded, will be on course to serve all victims equally.
Image Roozbeh Feiz/ Flickr
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About Joseph Caputo
I have a wonderful idea…What if we actually, measurably, could reduce violence BEFORE it happened to either gender? Crazy huh, but WE are doing it in KY. You are all focusing on the aftermath of violence, why are we not concentrating on PRIMARY prevention…see The Green Dot Program..
What is a Green dot?
Green Dot is any choice, behavior, word, or attitude that promotes safety for all our citizens and communicates utter intolerance for violence. Anything that you do to stop violence against ANYONE is a Green Dot.
How does the Green Dot program work?
The Green Dot Program involves teaching bystanders how to intervene in situations that involve power based personal violence (sexual assault, dating violence, stalking, child abuse, elder abuse, bullying) While still involving programming that trains groups of individuals, this model takes next steps toward a broader community approach to prevention. The bystander model gives all community members a specific role, which they can identify with and adopt in preventing the community problem of power based personal violence.
As of now 1 in 3 people will be a victim of controlled based violence, not to mention that 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the time they are 18; males have a 1 in 33 chance of being raped in their lifetime, and 2% of domestic violence victims are men. Also, 1 in 4 teens will become involved in an abusive relationship (males and females). The role of the community includes interrupting situations that can lead to an assault before it happens or during an incident, speaking out against social norms that support violence, and having skills to be an effective and supportive ally to survivors.
The Green Dot is strategy is a comprehensive approach to violence prevention that capitalizes on the power of peer and cultural influence. See your friends doing Green Sots, you do Green Dots. Modleing behavior, plain and simple…
Critical masses of people, stepping in when they see a high risk situation, that is how we are going to combat and measurably reduce violence…
It might be best to not quote men (like Jacob T) who “challenge feminist views” but instead who promote and hold them. Most good men I know don’t waste their time sniffing out misandry in feminism, but instead join the movement and fight for equal rights. Even if it comes from a good place, if you are “challenging feminist views” that means that you are actively choosing to spend your limited time arguing with women and finding the faults in their arguments instead of listening to them and finding out how you can help them establish an equal world. That, IMO, does not a good man make.
So in other words good men should just “man up” and ignore the negativity of some feminist views?
Even if it comes from a good place, if you are “challenging feminist views” that means that you are actively choosing to spend your limited time arguing with women and finding the faults in their arguments instead of listening to them and finding out how you can help them establish an equal world.
Thats a contradiction if I ever heard one. You seem to think that feminism is not just a way to build an equal world but THE way to build an equal world therefore the movement should just be given a free pass on any negativity that comes from it. I think one thing that will have to be done to build this equal world you speak of is to is to challenge the prevailing beliefs that are in place today. And one of those beliefs is that just as JacobT says there is a pretty large school of thought that is more than willing to shut out male victims of abuse.
Based on your logic JacobT should just ignore the fact that there are feminists that believe that and just join them? Well tell me this, how can he join them when he is bringing something to the table that people actively do not want there? Does that mean since there are people among feminists that don’t want to help male victims of violence that’s proof enough they should not get help?
Avery,
How many of those “good” men support organizations like The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, Male Survivor, or the Men’s Project? Better yet, how many of those “good” men even know about those organizations or any others that provide services to male victims? It is easy to claim that advocates for male victims waste their time by pointing out misandry in feminism, but that does not change that in order to get services to male victims those advocates must to fight against opposition from feminist groups who undermine their efforts.
Advocates for male victims must spend their time refuting feminist claims because many feminist groups misrepresent the rate of domestic violence against men, the rate of female-perpetrated violence, and how male victims get treated by the existing support community. Advocates cannot just address the problems male victims face as a result of the violence done to them. They must discredit feminist claims first and bat off people telling them that their concern for male victims is misplaced and should be redirected to addressing women’s issues.
I do not think a good man would allow victims of violence to go without support just because it is politically inconvenient to help them. I think a good man helps those in need regardless of their gender and does not reduce any person’s suffering to some juvenile notion about who is more important and deserving of help.
My play, Phallusies, which will have a test run production in September covers men’s issues in a series of monologues and short scenes in both comedic and dramatic ways. A few of the issues that have been hi-jacked by the women’s movement: Males as vicitms of Rape, DV, and breast cancer are covered. My goal is to raise awareness by partnering with agencies and advocates whereever the play is being produced. That will not be an easy task, because there are so damn FEW places who will agree to go against the ingrained belief system.
Sounds interesting. My only question is how/if you would address how the women’s movement has hijacked some of those issues and the negativity that Jacobtk speaks of. I ask because I get the feeling that as far as they are concerned they will look for one of two things.
1. Absolutely no mention of the women’s movement. This would give them plausible deniability if confronted on their negativity.
2. Undying praise and devotion and a declaration that they are THE movement to follow. This would just fall in line with what many of them already think. And chances are this is the only way the women’s movment would even give your play the time of day.
Option 1 I could understand. I just hope you don’t go for two unless you really genuinely feel that way.
And more importantly I hope you advertise the hell out of it so the word can get out. A few years ago there was a play called “The Most Damaging Wound” (I think) that was supposed to be about men in a similar context. Problem is it only ran in NY and as far as I can tell there are no recordings of it available (not even on Youtube). Make sure you get the word out on your play so that it doesn’t fade into obscurity.
Women have not hijacked those issues.
Before the women’s movement brought those issue up… no one was talking about them.
Get real.
@Kyle:
“Women have not hijacked those issues… Get real.”
That’s not what Paul Atreides wrote. Here’s what he actually wrote:
“A few of the issues that have been hi-jacked by the women’s movement.”
The term he used is “women’s movement,” not “women.” And yes, the women’s movement actually did hijack the movement to assist domestic violence victims with shelter services. The shelter movement existed independent of the women’s movement at first. By the end of the 1970s, the women’s movement had co-opted the shelter movement, and had become so marxist and radical in its political outlook by that time, that it completely sidelined the founder of the shelter movement, Erin Pizzey, who opened the world’s first domestic violence refuge in England in the early 70s. Pizzey later received death threats and was routinely excluded from the women’s movement. Today she identifies more closely with the movement to open shelters up to abused men, rather than the so-called women’s movement. Don’t believe me? Listen to this radio interview:
http://www.cafcusa.org/multimedia/2008/02/14/pizzey-64k.mp3
So according to the founder of the shelter movement, the women’s movement really DID hijack the shelter movement. How about YOU get real, Kyle?
The power, the moral authority, of a distinctive group being victimized is enormous. It is threatened by, among other things, information that other groups are similarly victimized.
Thus, see Pizzey, Steinmetz, Straus, Gelles, are not popular among those who claim to be in favor of domestic peace.
in addition, numbers count. If some is bad, more is better, and a lot is terrific. Thus we have expanded definitions–Koss on college rape, ex.–and slamming a door on the way out of a room after an argument is DV. More numbers. More pressure to Do Something, usually by government action.
One Presbyterian resource, “Striking Terror No More” had figures for DV among Presbies so high that, for such an aging group, they must have included sneaking out and disconnecting one’s partner’s Amigo from the charger. It was done by expanding the definition.
Once an activist or activist group is caught doing such things, there is no sense paying them any further attention.
How can anyone working for a domestic violence shelter look a victim of abuse in the eye and say “we don’t help people of your gender so go away”?
How heartless and hateful is that?
And then those same people go around blaming men for being desensitized.
Here’s a radical idea:
Treat men with the same care and compassion as women and you’ll find that many problems will solve themselves. Even that fraud Schwyzer’s demand that men should be more sensitive would be fulfilled by itself if we gave men a chance rather than just blame them for not being sensitive.
I would hope that we could all agree that boys and men are abused. Where we go from what should be a “truth” is important.
The Unifying Center – http://www.theunifyingcenter.org/ – I think accurately focuses upon how boys and men face trauma and abuse in their/our lives and how traditional “masculinity” oft times gets in the way of us healing ourselves. Learning to “be a man” and lash out in anger isn’t helpful for us or others. Being emotionally alone is stifling.
We do need help! We need services including various kinds of support. Mental health treatment oft times seems taboo to us. Where we can’t get the necessary support from others, we commonly need professional help.
Women have spent decades building up supportive services for girls and women and oft times help us as well. More of us need to both support the groups helping men that exist and help start new ones.
A Men’s Project – http://www.AMensProject.com – lists a lot of useful resources for all of us. Blaming others isn’t going to really change much. Building positively and creatively can do a lot more! Thanks!
“Women have not hijacked those issues.”
Feminist did hijack the domestic violence movement. Erin Pizzey didn’t identify with feminists. Neither did the female Montreal engineers who survived the Marc Lepine attack. Hell feminists even hijack things from other feminists.
I am not sure why this is surprising.
If you want shelters so that aggressive female spouses cannot track down and beat men and put them in ICU or in the ground (where these women are I do not know) then there is nothing stopping men from doing the work to build them. Go ahead. We did. You can do it too if there is a need.
I have been in a shelter for women and no way would a man be welcome there or be a good idea to have there. Simple as that.
If you want shelters for men, do the work for them and have the stats to prove citizens should give money to support them. I hear about 4% of men are abused. I know people who work in emergency and not one of them has seen a man come in with a broken jaw and internal injuries from a woman. Not much to raise public support. I have never in my entire life read a news article that a man was tracked down and killed by his ex wife or gf. Seriously, have any of you. What is this really all about? Ok, psychological abuse is not genderspecific but you don’t need a shelter for that if you can afford rent. and nobody is tracking you down to kill you. Also shelters are there to house women who stay home, don’t work or earn much and have not enough income to support themselves when they want to leave abuse. I don’t know and never have known any men in this situation.
The only situation I can imagine is psychological abuse and kids. The man may not feel able to leave because of kids. That’s what divorce courts are for, not shelters.
Degernderize? Try degenderizing the statistics first would be my suggestion. Degenderize 220lbs of muscle bearing down on a 130lb woman and her kids (who are also beaten). Oh and while you are at it, get real. Shelters are for people who need protection and have no means of support. How many men do you know like that?
Two words: Phil Hartman
As long as women are disproportionately affected by DV, we can’t degenderize it.
“Today, the majority of programs continue to be run by women for women and their children.”
And this is appropriate considering that women and children are the lion’s share of the victims. However, NO ONE – man, woman, or hermaphrodite should be turned away from a DV shelter.
Andrea McDavid said :
” I have never in my entire life read a news article that a man was tracked down and killed by his ex wife or gf. Seriously, have any of you. What is this really all about? ”
A few points -:
- ever hear the phrase “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. Is far more common than you realize
.
- men rarely report being abused by their partner because they won’t be believed or they’ll be ridiculed (remember Sharon Osbourne’s “fabulous” comments on The Talk about a man having his penis severed).
- men being abused by women is not considered newsworthy as it doesn’t fit the women-as-victims/men-as-perpetrators narrative in the feminist-controlled mainstream media.
- women often enlist the services of other men to commit the violence when they want to harm a partner, or use stealthier methods like poisoning.
- the greatest predictor of a man hitting his partner is that she hit him first. If he had a place to retreat to and get help then maybe the situation wouldn’t escalate and their would be fewer female victims.
- most studies suggest domestic violence is about equal in terms of the aggressor.
- the psychological abuse of men is completely ignored. Again if he had a place to seek shelter and advice he might not reach a stage where he will snap.
Men’s shelters will reduce domestic violence against men and women. They should be funded and promoted.
http://www.glennsacks.com/domestic_violence_a_2.htm
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glenn-sacks/researcher-says-womens-in_b_222746.html
The problem I see is the first response. Even if the woman is the abuser men always get taken to jail. This lies in the next step. It is called the legal system. Please never use violence it is not the answer, mental illness is never considered unless you have a good I mean good lawyer. The woman has a victum advocate free attorney and sympithy on her side. We must stand strong and move on. I think in the time s we live in and look at the underlying problems. When you have kids now you are dealing with two courts and most of the time one court never sees the orders of another court. I was a victum of domestic violence and had visits taken away for 8 months until I could prove I was innocent. Still the family court kept denying me shared custody. After much money and lawyers getting me no where. I stood up and stated to the judge the only way he could deny me my rights was if they could prove misconduct. Since there was non (not guilty of domestic abuse) my rights were restored with stipulations that the mother had filnal descision on (ADHD) medication when we could not agree. Maybe the chaos and constand drama along with new boyfriend moving into the house is the underlying cause of this childs problems. All I know is today I am the best dad I can be dispite the allienation caused by mom. Today I am a survivor with the help of many people and work I do in my recovery I am no longer spiritualy broken. It is okay to look at the past but don’t stare