Here’s how the revelation can lead to a positive outcome.
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This may come as a surprise, but one of the top circumstances bringing couples to therapy is a wife discovering her husband’s porn habit, leaving her devastated, alarmed and/or disgusted.
She can’t understand why her man is not completely satisfied sexually with their relationship, and needs to find arousal elsewhere.
And frankly, neither does he.
♦◊♦
Most of the problem lies in the widespread misunderstanding of men’s sexuality.
Men and women are for the most part living in vastly different erotic worlds, almost as if their erotic self speaks a different language.
A woman often wants to hear her husband tell her she’s beautiful. She wants him to take her, take all of her. She needs to feel his desire for her, to hear him say, “You’re my one and only.” Her sexuality is aroused by romance, fed by romantic movies and books. It is relational, and thrives on connection.
Men also seek connection and adoration, but have different language for it.
Men can be romantic, but they feel most connected with their partner through sex, and much more through their genitals than do women. When a man says take all of me, take me all the way inside you, or swallow me, he is saying that he wants to deeply feel that connection, to feel how much his manliness is desired. He wants to feel adored, and may need to hear from his partner how big or buff he is in her eyes, not necessarily how sweet or romantic he is.
This dynamic often works well within a relationship, so why then have men pursued porn since the beginning of time?
Why in all likelihood have they done so since they were young and will do until they die?
And how are they able to so successfully compartmentalize their love of porn, and still love their wife and the sex they enjoy together?
It’s because the porn isn’t about relationship, not about his wife or partner. It is about the freedom to be self-centered, to not have to negotiate the tricky pathways of relationship, to not feel vulnerable or unsure about what he is doing.
♦◊♦
Let me explain: Porn never says no. No negotiation is needed.
A partner may say no, or may want him to stop or start, or do something differently.
Porn never does. It is not relational, and not meant to be. It is anonymous and even generous in some ways, like a good mother, giving unconditionally. The object of desire is always right there when you need her, no strings, no chance for rejection, no need to consider what the partner likes or doesn’t like. Porn offers an escape from such responsibility. It allows for complete self centeredness.
That her man needs to gratify himself with images and fantasies that have nothing to do with her is threatening to his wife, withering even. It brings up all of her own issues around body image, betrayal, self-esteem, and so on. She takes his impersonal act personally.
Why do you need to see that?
Why aren’t you doing that with me?
Am I that unattractive?
She feels competitive, but this is not a competition. What she doesn’t understand is that porn and his feelings for her are apples and oranges, and that it detracts nothing from their relationship. It is neither about the marriage, nor her. Watching porn is such a self-centered activity that he may very well not want to put her in that position, not want to put her into the role of sexual object.
Viewed this way, one might even think of it as a considerate, loving thing to exclude her from sexual practices that he believes would offend her.
♦◊♦
An example:
A couple came to me when the wife found her husband’s trove of porn that featured women with tiny, tiny waists. When they first married, her waist was also tiny, but given childbirth, aging, and menopause, it no longer was. Still, before she found his porn they were having better sex than the day they first began. He loved and still desired her. Her reaction to finding the porn, however, was to stop having sex with him and label him a sex addict.
For his part, he was deeply ashamed.
He didn’t know why he had always been attracted to women with tiny waists. When we began exploring this, he remembered that he had first become aroused watching his sister play with Barbie dolls, the ultimate icons of the tiny waist. It was an erotic imprint that had nothing to with his wife. Whomever he married, he still would have liked women with tiny waists. His relationship with is wife was the most important thing in his life, but he needed to maintain this small corner in his psyche for this fantasy.
Everyone has peak erotic interests, core erotic themes, most of which can be tracked to childhood.
The psychologist Jack Morin wrote The Erotic Mind in the ’90s, a groundbreaking work that explored in depth how everyone has something, a fantasy that intensifies their passion and helps them come to climax, and how we use unresolved issues from our early lives to do this.
When all this became clear to both husband and wife, the pornography ceased to be an issue. He continued to watch porn with women who had tiny waists and it no longer upset her. In addition to uncovering the mystery of the husband’s fantasies, we worked on the issues that his porn brought up for his wife. The ordeal strengthened their marriage.
If, however, she had gone down the path of demanding that he stop watching porn or she would leave him (which happens all too often), making this about the porn rather than the underlying issues, they would have missed any opportunity for understanding and resolution. The husband, not wanting to destroy the marriage, would have tried and failed to expunge his fantasies, and most likely been caught lying again about his porn habit.
For you see, even after erotic secrets such as these get out in the open, the sexual interest remains.
♦◊♦
Here’s another example:
Wayne was CEO of a large company—a stressful position that involved managing many employees. He was a devoted husband and highly responsible man. His wife, Lori, discovered him watching kinky porn—dominatrixes in black leather commanding, gagging, binding and spanking men slaves, belittling them when they failed to precisely follow her instructions, rewarding them when they did. She was appalled to discover that her strong man, this successful leader and father, would harbor such fantasies. He had never suggested to her that they enact such scenes in their sexual lives.
Again, rather than focusing on his porn habit, we explored his childhood.
One of four siblings, he’d been brought up in a family that had been erratically managed by a self-absorbed, negligent parent who didn’t keep careful track of her children. Early in life, he’d begun to eroticize women who behaved in the opposite way, women who would tell him what to do. This became his core sexual script. In his fantasies, women took charge while he could enjoy being submissive and taking orders. In this fantasy, Wayne unconsciously created the “good parent” who punished when he was bad and rewarded when he was good—something he hadn’t had from his parents.
My task, then, was to help Wayne and Lori discover how to absorb this new information, define limits with each other, find a way that trust could be restored, and a way they could grow together as a result of the experience.
Most often, this kind of exploration opens new feelings of understanding and compassion for each other.
Of course, women often have their own set of secret fantasies, which I may address in further blogs, but for now, probably the most important thing for women to realize about their partner’s porn is, “It’s not about you!”
This article originally appeared on PsychologyToday.com.
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Photo credit: Getty Images/495831226
Erin, I confront you because you are disrupting. I do not confront them because this is the place for them to talk, vent, discuss. The opposite occurs on women’s boards that I have participated in, but I’m not so polite to the men that disrupt. Men speaking. Men venting. Men examining themselves and their issues, that is what the site is for, and your actions are why this is the conversation that no one is having. Again, why has it turned angry? Maybe its not anger but frustration with the fact that there are women out there that believe they… Read more »
DJ – This remains a place for everyone to talk. This is not a website where only men’s opinions and perspectives matter. I’m sorry that you do not find value in anyone else’s perspective unless they are a man or unless they are agreeing with a man. But that’s not a perspective GMP share with you. People will disagree. And we should be able to have respectful conversations even when we disagree, without making any one person a target for anger and maliciousness as I was made here. If you truly desired to be a fair and just responder on… Read more »
@ Erin,
here is a link. I suggest you read it. I did, an helping these guys see the light, or as was stated, “wake up” is the reason that I am here. https://goodmenproject.com/about/
About porn and women’s body image. One of the things that’s often missed is that men are bombarded with the same images of women that women are. How would that shape a woman’s idea of how she should look, but not a man’s idea of how a woman should look. That being said, children are accessing porn at an earlier age than I did. Does porn have an influence on body type preference today? I’m still leaning toward no or at least not significantly because of the sheer volume of non-pornographic images out there.
!———————————————-! Shorter question, then. With reference to: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/is-sex-so-important-that-you-would-leave-me-and-our-kids-stvhn/ If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner seemingly has lost any kind of sexual desire for you that ever existed, and also firmly rejects, dismiss or ignore any kind of effort to discuss or remedy the situation, either by putting the blame on you (“you’re selfish, unattractive, unattentive, or simply sex-crazy”) or on biology (“This just happens due to biology and there’s nothing to do about it, so you just have to deal with it!”). And you can’t even masturbate or fantasize about sex because that’ll just bring home… Read more »
Did she actually tell you NOT to masturbate? Or did she ask you not to masturbate to internet porn?
Hi KIM, and thank you for asking. I will try to give a late answer to a late question, but I’d like to elaborate a bit first, to give some background and context to the situation. We met through mutual friends, I was 28 and she was a couple of years younger, and we had been “checking out” each other for some time before we became a couple. She was my third girlfriend, and I don’t know, and didn’t really care how many she’d had before me. She was not a virgin, but she was with me now and that… Read more »
“When I first came to GMP, it seemed more inclusive. It doesn’t appear that the audience here today. Its grown less welcoming and more angry at women.” You may want to examine your role in that as contrary to the belief of some, men do not inherently hate women and it is disingenuous to accuse men of being unfriendly with all women because of how some men may feel about you. of course the women (and men) that attempt to shut down or belittle these valid discussions will be confronted, but likewise, those women that support the men will be… Read more »
DJ – I think everyone here should examine their role here and how they choose to participate here. I’m not a perfect person. I never claimed I was. But I’m sorry, you and the other guys here aren’t perfect either. We all contribute to the tone and environment. The fact that you advise me to do this, to examine my role, and yet you don’t advise anyone else to do the same is very telling onto itself. Even you should examine your role in these conversations. I never said that men inherently hated women. Neither do I even think it.… Read more »
Erin, The guys were wrong for singling you out, but you are not completely innocent in this as I feel its been building for some time now and a bit of steam escaped. This is not a topic about female oppression, or female issues. It is a men’s issue that is need of discussion…and that seems to be the problem and the reason for this current argument. In only the short time that i’ve been here I’ve noticed that in almost all threads that you participate in, you constantly redirect the discussion away from the men’s issue at hand, right… Read more »
Actually DJ – I am completely innocent. Do you seriously think I like every man that comments on GMP? Heck no. Does that mean I single that man out and attack him or his beliefs like what was done here? No. Unless a certain man specifically attacks me or addresses me, I usually just ignore the men I don’t like on here. In all my time on GMP I have never done what was done to me here. In all my time on GMP I’ve been told I hate men, that I’m crass, that I’m ignorant, that I’m a hypocrite,… Read more »
@John Gottman Lets be a little more fair here. While I admit I get wordy at times (I can’t help it – it’s just how I express myself – it makes no sense to attack me for this), I think I add a completely valid perspective. My response to the actual article was pretty even keeled. Why is that no one sees fit to respond to that but the guys here see fit to condemn me right off the bat? Frustration is not something that is unique to any one individual on this website. There are individuals here that certainly… Read more »
There is so much animosity towards Male sexuality I have noticed on the GMP.
If you have been reading the headlines, so much of it has been about Men doing stuff wrong.
“Open Letter to Men-No one is Immune to Rape Culture”, “How to recognize Toxic Man”,
“Dating advice for Men over 40” and this article.
When did having a hetrosexual preference become a crime?
We are not emotionless drones, we are human beings.
Angelguy
What part of these articles shows animosity? Are you suggesting that a man can’t be toxic? That we don’t have issues in this country around rape and victim-blaming? Or that men over 40 don’t need dating advice?? I think part of the problem here is not heterosexual preferences. It’s that so much of our media that showcases heterosexual preferences has taken advantage of it’s position to exploit, humiliate, degrade, and distort women specifically for the pleasure an enjoyment of men. You keep saying you feel attacked for your preferences. Women feel attacked too. We feel attacked because we are never… Read more »
Again, those seem to be personal issues projected out at men based on one woman’s assumptions about another group…and exactly the problem.
They are not the opinions of “women”., and not an accurate depiction of men, but your own interpretation of what men are based on your personal beliefs (just as your assumptions of what this site represents is your own opinion).
You do not speak for women. You speak for yourself and yourself only.
Of course I got personal issues. Are you suggesting that you don’t have personal issues? Or do you believe that my personal issues cloud my point of view more then your personal issues would? Every single human being on this website has personal issues. So don’t make it seem like my personal issues should devalue my opinion more so then any other man here. I have never seen you make a similar comment to a man about his personal issues being a valid reason to devalue his unique perspective. My opinion is just as valid as yours. And if you… Read more »
@ Angelguy @ franks
I was wondering about that myself because I found the article well balanced, but I have to agree with Erin here. That conversation crossed the line. I think we can disagree in civil ways.
I never attacked her. I said her attitude is common and symptomatic of the double-standard that we have over porn being bad (because it is something aimed at men) and over sex toys, romance literature and erotica being inherently good (because it is aimed at women).
it bothers me that there are certain people on this site who hide behind their gender and think they should be exempt and protected from criticism.
@Anderson
Sure, let’s move on.
Angelguy
In all fairness John, FrankS and Angelguy happened to state what most of who follow this site were thinking. Oh boy! Here’s a story about male sexuality, and it involves porn! Can a 2,000+ word rant be far behind?
John, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for your fairness. Thank you for not ignoring what just happened and acting like it was okay. Thank you for not talking around me. Thank you. I know you and I don’t agree on much but I can’t express the gratitude I felt coming into this thread and reading your response. Thank you. Angelguy, FrankS, Bobbt – you’ve turned this into a witch hunt. You’re not even owning up to it, choosing to ignore the exact person you decided to call out. If you’re going to call someone out,… Read more »
Erin, you act as though your own actions here are impeccable. You keep claiming to be the voice of moderation, but on any article about men’s difficulties you are nearly always the first to pounce with “what about us women?” You have no interest in seeing things from men’s POV. Your unwillingness to listen to men’s issues and your knee-jerk reaction about how women automatically have it harder is the main reason you elicit the responses that you get. You complain about personal attacks but YOU make it personal every time you tell a man his difficulties are insignificant compared… Read more »
Frank, I complain about personal attacks because *YOU* and other people here made personal attacks. You can’t even admit that you engage in personal attacks. Even after making strange comments like this, “then you hide behind your gender as though and play victim.” I don’t even know what that means. How do I ‘hide behind my gender”? That makes no sense. As far as being a victim, I think you simply use that as a ploy to to not discuss anything real or complex. You pull that phrase out and use it as an argument anytime you don’t like having… Read more »
I am only responding because of your persistent character assassination on me. The reality is that porn is a complex issue and it’s not an issue that only affects men. It seems like you are not interested in understanding or talking to women on a real level and being open to hearing their thoughts and feelings even though you obviously want women to be open enough to hear your thoughts and feelings. When it comes to porn in relationships, yes, women should have as much of a voice on this issue as you or anyone else. The fact that you… Read more »
P.S… this comment was from bobbt but others had similar sentiments.
You really do have no idea what an incendiary presence you are on this site, do you Erin? Even when many people are saying the same thing, you still think yourself a blameless victim of a vicious group of woman-haters?
Frank, my “persistent character assassination” of you? I didn’t come into an article, talking about how awful you are. You’re the one that chose to do that about me. How is it that you don’t see this? Then you decided to ride that wave and continue to make this article a place to personally attack me. I reserve the right to defend myself from your false allegations and call you out for them. Everything thing you’ve said in this article has been about attacking me for no reason at all. The irony here is that *you* derailed this conversation and… Read more »
I never said how awful you are, you’re just blowing it out of proportion now to avoid talking about anything relevant regarding the article. Just like I never called you a “monster” on the other thread, I never “viciously attacked” you here or whatever hyperbolic nonsense you want to throw at me next in your self-righteous indignation. Now take a deep breath and go back and read my comment – I said “Erin and people like her”. I was talking about a specific subset of women who shut down debate on men’s issues to talk about themselves and refuse to… Read more »
“I never said how awful you are, you’re just blowing it out of proportion now to avoid talking about anything relevant regarding the article.” Okay first, you’ve chosen to ignore my comments that are directly about the topic. I made a great post above about porn and how women experience it. You are free to acknowledge those comments at any time and talk about them with me. I’ll be waiting for your thoughts on those comments anytime now. I look foward to them. Secondly, what you said above is so contrary to the following quotes from you. You never said… Read more »
“In all fairness John, FrankS and Angelguy happened to state what most of who follow this site were thinking.” I admit to that myself, but most of us were just thinking it. I get it. There are individuals who frustrate me also, but this has always been my position. I would prefer to have more conversation than less. I would prefer to have more viewpoints than fewer (hence the reason why I was wondering what Erin would say. She has a different view point than me on almost everything). I think the mods silence too many view points as well.… Read more »
That aside, I’m not done! The comments at the beginning of this thread? The preemptive shaming? Not a fan. I certainly understand the frustration and I think my previous post addressed that, but if we do so, if we discredit preemptively, are we not doing the same thing to women that was done to us: relegating their opinion to a status of moot, or unimportant? Its not that I want us to be descended upon by flocks of harpies, but when we say such things we, in my estimate, do two things. First is that we are baiting the exact… Read more »
@ DJ, “Remember, it was women such as Somers that opened the door for us when we had no voice. It was, Hellen Smith that declared to society that if we did not let men speak that she would be our voice. It was Prizzy that turned the feminist leadership on its arse when she declared that she would absolutely not take to blaming men for domestic violence. It is those women that see the gains that they’ve made but also see how we’ve abandoned our men in the process.” Yes, you are 100% correct my friend. As I look… Read more »
Jules and DJ–I have the argumentative advantage of writing almost ten days after your posts and the disadvantage of perhaps having the argument pass me by and therefore not being read. DJ, you spelled misogynist correctly but misspelled “holy.” And Jules, well, you’re advocating a male perspective against some feminists, and praising others in a series of posts about pornography and male use. The article here on porn sensitively argues that some men have valid reasons based on prior difficulties and pathologies for watching porn and that their wives have come to understand these compulsions and therefore have come to… Read more »
“…….a voyeurism that craves validation for just being a male.”
An interesing comment Marcus.
I really hate having to write these types of posts, but I dislike bickering more then that, so may I suggest an explanation and solution to perhaps ebb it a bit. This is one of the few places that are honest, open, and safe for men to express themselves; to discuss the important issues that we face without the usual noise and interruption. We guys know about women’s issues. They are in our faces every day, all day long. We get it, but when done to extreme, to the disadvantage of men, is that not part of the problem: men’s… Read more »
Thanks Carlita! I wasn’t sure if what I said was clear so it’s nice to have another woman’s feed back. 40 years ago, our sexuality looked very different. From what other older men have told me, porn use to show women enjoying sex and being happy. It was more light hearted. Today there is a level of culturally accepted misygonism in porn that is justified for the sheer fact that men’s sexuality and their entitlement to use women’s bodies for their own sexual pleasure apparently trumps any other question of ethics or cause and affect of how porn distorts sex,… Read more »
Erin, you so clearly articulated the reasons why porn affects women so negatively. If men really cared about the women in their lives they would take all this information into consideration and really acknowledge everything a woman goes through every day and how knowing their husband is watching porn can really hurt them and their for their relationshio. And is a bunch of pixelized images on a screen really worth it?
Hey Angelguy, you asked for it.
And your comment is helpful how? How about showing some fairness bobbt? How about not talking around me? Do you really think it’s okay for a man to mock another person in an article who hadn’t even responded to the article yet? Do you think it was okay that it started a dialogue with another man attacking another poster and mocking them when they hadn’t even become part of the conversation here yet? Would you, or any other man here, have done the same to another man? In all my time here I have never, ever seen any man treat… Read more »
Joe, you said that women’ sexuality is ‘aroused by romance, fed by romantic movies and books.” Despite that being an over-simplification of women’s sexuality, you do realize that if you believe that to be true of women, then it would be fair to believe that a portion of men’s sexuality is also fed by the porn and the media they consume too right? Because I don’t believe you make mention of that even though you talked about how you think media influences women. You simply validated men’s sexuality through their desire to be masculine and how it shows up in… Read more »
@ Erin Article LT / DR – If women understand why men use porn, it could lead to acceptance and a more mutually fulfilling relationship. Denying men porn essentially demonizes their sexuality. Erin TL / DR – Porn hurts women. Men don’t actually “need” porn so men who use it are a**holes. Men using porn degrades women’s sexuality. I admit that is a fairly simplistic view of what was written, but I think I essentially summed it up. Let’s consider this. Let’s say that both are right. There is no solution. Someone has to lose so the other can win.… Read more »
Hi Erin, Short version: “Men in every day normal relationships often will ‘suggest’ their partners dress or perform something they had seen in porn. Meanwhile, women asking their partners to dress or perform a romantic act from a romantic movie or book is simply not as frequent. I doubt any wife or gf asked her partner to dress up like Ryan Gosling from the Notebook and act out something from that movie.” How do you estimate what is more frequent? A man asking his partner to dress or perform something special, that he may or may not have seen in… Read more »
FlyingKal–As an objective observer, far after the fact, I have to say that your response says more about your relating and means of relating to your significant other than it does about the article, its arguments, or Erin’s post. Relating is about caring what one’s partner feels, and Erin has well expressed not only her outrage at being mentioned even before she entered the discussion, but also about how a male’s sexuality needs support outside and beyond his partner, and how that fact hurts his partner. If he does need that support, then that’s his issue, not hers. Face facts,… Read more »
Erin–this post needs to be tightened, edited, and submitted as its own GMP article. You have said much here that needs much more dissemination than being hidden away down at the bottom of a long set of responses. The other side, the female side, is told in very specific and well highly effective ways. Your post is about media, about valuing one’s female partner as completely fulfilling and satisfying, and how porn use demeans her. Well done.
God -Thank you Marcus. I had wondered if I was not going a little crazy but I tried to simply express what it can be like for women in a sincere, honest manner. I will consider submitting it – although I do have trouble tightening up my comments.
Such a ridiculous litany of stereotypes. For one thing, as many posters have noted, women have erotic outlets too — porn *as well as* vibrators, erotica, etc. Plenty of women watch porn, as pornhub will tell you. For another thing, porn use on either side isn’t completely harmless. It perpetuates beauty norms, it can desensitize you (this happens with vibrators too), and it can act as a distraction to real sex. The NoFap movement is a testament to the fact that the glut of porn isn’t a simple outlet for a lot of people. I agree that if it’s not… Read more »
For another thing, porn use on either side isn’t completely harmless. It perpetuates beauty norms, it can desensitize you (this happens with vibrators too), and it can act as a distraction to real sex. The NoFap movement is a testament to the fact that the glut of porn isn’t a simple outlet for a lot of people. I agree that if it’s not harming the relationship, it’s probably fine, but it *can* harm the relationship @Gloria I agree with this, up to a point though. I don’t think it isn’t completely harmless, but I can say the same thing about… Read more »
I’ll be honest, I think shows like the Kradashians – which fit into the shallow standard of having to have lots of expensive stuff and fame – is probably doing a lot of harm to young women that watch the show and who indirectly want to live the lifestyle and form a certain perspective of the world. Add in the overall tone of social media and wanting people to ‘like’ you on Facebook or follow you on Instagram. I think media represents where we are in our culture. Just look at the debate around the Oscars and the not so… Read more »
Can’t wait to see what Erin will think about this. Lol!
I am not her greatest fan and am always happy to call her out on her double standards, but it isn’t just her. Erin and people who think like her are part of a deliberate and insidious attempt to demonise male sexuality as predatory and repugnant while presenting female sexuality as inherently noble in and of itself – almost as a spiritual experience.
@FrankS people who think like her are part of a deliberate and insidious attempt to demonise male sexuality as predatory and repugnant while presenting female sexuality as inherently noble in and of itself – almost as a spiritual experience. Putting her aside here. I do agree with what you are saying. Male sexuality is demonized in the Media. There is a double standard, and it is something that needs to be addressed. I think Male sexuality is misunderstood and I don’t see Porn as something that needed to be shut down completely. The problem is the “abuse” and “overindulgence” of… Read more »
“Putting her aside here. ” You should have never specifically targeted me or called me out in the first place. In all my time here I have never came into an article and mocked a man about what his thoughts would be on it. I suspect that if I had, I would have been attacked for it. Neither you or Frank would have treated another man like that either. What is even more degrading is that you made a joke at my expense and then very casually talk about ‘putting me aside” like I’m some toy to laugh at and… Read more »
Neither you or Frank would have treated another man like that either Yes I would. I do it all the time. Stop playing the victim. I treat the women in my life as equals. That includes expecting them to own their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. It also means accepting that people can disagree in the strongest possible terms and expect to be pulled up when they are being an a*hole. You accuse me of an unwarranted personal attack when it is nothing of the sort and then decide to put more words in my mouth. Is it… Read more »
Of course I accuse you of an unwarranted personal attack. You took it upon yourself to vocalize your personal issues and dislike for me in an article I hadn’t even joined yet. Yes, that was a unwarranted and personal attack. You implied I employ double standards. Yes, that’s a personal attack. You said, “Erin and people who think like her..”And then went on to condemn me for things I never expressed. Own your comments Frank. Own them. In all my time on GMP, I’ve never seen any man here, you included, treat another man has I’ve been treated here. You… Read more »
@Erin I was mostly kidding when I made that comment. That wasn’t really an attack. I do know you have strong opinions about it. As for treating Men, we treat Men like this all the time. Men rib each other about things and sometimes, it is way worse. I’m sorry I upset you Erin. What is even more degrading is that you made a joke at my expense and then very casually talk about ‘putting me aside” I actually made that statement not to degrade, but to talk about the issue in the article after, which is what we are… Read more »
There are many men here who have strong opinions about porn, or any other matter of topics, and they make them just as known as anyone else. I’m simply a target because I’m a woman who is vocal about porn in a space where men don’t want to hear it unless a woman is celebrating porn right along side of him. But if you actually read my response, it’s pretty even keeled. GMP use to be a much more inclusive place to women. It’s grown more angry and less welcoming over time. I really think that you should take responsibility… Read more »
I think both your comments are a bit unfair. They bring unnecessary personal attention my way, rather making me a target of some sorts, when we really should simply be talking about the topic instead of specifically calling out specific posters. I would never go into any topic and point out a specific male poster when he hadn’t even commented in the topic yet anyway. Frank – It never would have occurred to me to share my personal feelings about you either. But since you opened that door here, I’ll tell you that I’m no fan of yours either. Neither… Read more »
Well, if a particular woman did have issue with something in the article it would present great opportunity to discuss and explain because the Doc here pretty much nailed it down. To many of the young men I talk to, masturbation is more or less like brushing their teeth. Porn use is just a plus. They still love their wives, still lust after them, still there for sex anytime (they are like motor boats with an endless supply of gas). Most of the wives and girlfriends know, and none of the men have any shame. They don’t care who knows.… Read more »
Does have now in her possession, or have read in the past 50 shades of Grey? Let’s quit pretending women aren’t also in their own version of a porn fix.
As a well known porn actress turned producer once said “The only difference between porn and erotica is the lighting.”
I suspect the sort of responses you are going to get from the regular women here will be reactionary and not even remotely attempting to understand, and probably won’t even read it before posting a knee-jerk reaction. I will say only this: men use porn for the same reasons women use erotica and sex toys – gratification. If you’re ok with one, you need to be ok with the other.